Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Day 67: Don't Rock The Boat

This is a continuation to Day 66: When the Door of Opportunity Opens
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am in fact assisting/supporting myself by/through not living a moment/breath/chance/opportunity to my fullest potential, because I have abused/compromised/sabotaged every moment of every breath that is HERE to never in fact HERE what must be heard for there to be any practical-change to this world/reality - thus, I have dis-Regarded myself over and over again in complete repetition, because in all the opportunities that I haven't taken were in fact always my choice/decision to remain an abuser that abused myself/life, in all ways possible - therefore, I now see, realize and understand that I can only ever possibly be not responsible for this world and reality if I am actually suffering in this world/reality, and it's quite funny how I am even placing an example, because I want/desire some sort of back door for myself as a justification/excuse to not move myself here within and as this physical reality, wherein this is absolutely fucked up because I am using/abusing those in my name as Life as myself who are in complete abusive situations to create this idea/belief/perception/assumption that there is some justification/excuse to not move myself - within this I am not in anyway considering/taking into consideration/account what abuse is in essence - because, I have lived my entire Lie in complete HEARNESS to never in fact HERE what must be heard to live about the practical change to no longer live my life clouding my eyes and ears for what will make me feel sugary and good to always remain just another liar that is deafened in every moment, of every breath - therefore, I do NOT accept or allow myself to limit/enslave myself in complete repetition because of making excuses/justifications that I don't even understand in actuality - because, everything action that I take here in this life, is another action to be measured if I am in actuality taking into consideration/account by/through actually walking the talk, and not making excuses/justifications that sound nice within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my Lie in complete petrification of my own FEAR that I self-created over a period of time to remain my safety-net of protection to remain a slave/character to HERE what I want/desire to HERE - not seeing/realizing/understanding that when/as I am in the moment that is here/has always been here, I am in fact always placing/projecting myself into an illusional reality, wherein I can never realize myself in anyway - thus, it's quite fascinating to see how much time I waste/postpone because I am existing in an alternate reality for myself to constantly imagine all these words to be/become a mere safety weapon, wherein I hold these words that I have valued and given certain energetic charges that I assume/perceive will make my immediate environment happy with myself, and at the same time hold my ground to remain an illusional character - thus, it's important/crucial for me to investigate/understand/realize how fast my mind can seem to operate in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here - because, I am too busy existing in my mind to in actuality see/realize/understand how slow the mind actually is operating in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here if I am in fact here as breath as self-expression, wherein if I am existing in the polar opposite that I self-created within and as my mind, then everything becomes very confusing/overwhelming, because I am not in fact here in the first place, but too busy existing in some alternative reality that only ever involved my own creation to remain doing everything in my delusional reality to ever realize who I am/have become to re-create myself to actually create something worthwhile, and that didn't involve the mantra that was always ME.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when/as I am existing in an alternate reality, I am not in anyway existing, but remaining to live here as an idea/belief/perception/assumption that I should apparently be and become to survive in my physical reality, and also within and as myself that involved never realizing who I am - thus, it's quite fascinating how survival has only and always equated to never realizing who I am, because I was trying/attaining/attempting to be and become an idea/belief/perception/assumption that meant not rocking the boat, not making people feel comfortable about realizing who I am, and so my entire Lie has been about what I assumed/perceived other people thought about me as change - not seeing/realizing/understanding that at the end of the day, it's ME that I must live within and as a day to day basis, NOT anyone's apparent beliefs/perceptions/assumptions/ideas about me as change - because, it's NOT about ME, but Equality as a Group changing here within and as this physical reality to RE-Gard this physical reality, to in fact Re-Guard this physical reality and be and become the Guardians that we can actually live to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life by/through the mantra - ME, ME, ME - because, all what my Lie has been about is what will ME do to not in fact do what is needed/required to do to bring about a change to this world/reality - thus, I have lived my Lie - not seeing/realizing/understanding how/why I've only ever considered/taken into consideration/account the ME that I assumed/perceived was (apparently) ME, wherein I have been/always been a character/personality/persona to live the ME out in repetition to do everything in my delusional power to remain Re-Guarding my self-interest, at all costs, thus - I now see, realize and understand that I have lived my Lie long enough, because the time is here in this very moment to not live by/through the mantra continuously living out some idea/belief/assumption/perception I am (apparently) suppose to live out, because at the end of the day it was never about fearing rocking someone else's boat to who I am - because, I was the ME that given permission to define and give value to who I am within and as something outside of myself, to deliberately/purposely remain a self-interested ME that only existed outside myself - thus, there is no ME that is able to exist because I am not existing, who I am as Life is not existing in anyway, whatsoever - therefore, I allow myself to value myself, once and for all, to take my power back to myself to actually live here as self-expression as who I am, and not some ME that only existed in some alternate reality - constantly trying/attaining/attempting to survive/compete in this world/reality, desperately holding some ME that never considered/taken into consideration/account the WE of this world/reality to in fact live here as each breath to it's fullest potential.
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