This is a continuation to Day 78: I Need Stability In My Life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually be relieved/relaxed and at ease when/as I am having trouble making a choice/decision to live that what will bring about a change
that is best for all and within this would create a belief/idea about
how much I am not capable to actually be the one that makes the
choice/decision to how I will live my life - that I just starting ask
other people's perspectives about how much more capable they are then
myself, not investigating how/why I have allowed myself to completely
take away my chance/opportunity to actually make a choice/decision that
which I actually make to finally trust what I choose to live here in this life, and thus take into consideration how much responsibility I am willing to live here in this one life to bring about a change
that will benefit everyone here - to understand that I am creating the
idea/belief that I am not capable/less than/inferior to those that I am
asking perspective from, based on the fact that I am scared out of my mind
to live a choice/decision that will not only affect myself - but
everyone here within/as this world/reality, because how I choose to live
my life not only affects myself - thus creating a chain
reaction to bring about a change here in this one life that will affect
the generations to come. I now see, realize and understand that it is I
that must see into/as the eyes of life to how I am going to spend this
one life, to actually realize that psyching myself out is a cool
indication that I realize that there is much to do in this life - and
thus I simply stop limiting myself based on fear to not become part of
the equation - but in fact look at the mathematical equation that is
what is best for all life - to understand that making a choice/decision
based on those outside myself is craaaaaaaaazy because the only
choice/decision that is here is the principle of Oneness & Equality -
sooooooooo I have no choice but to live that which is here. When and as
I see myself wanting/desiring someone to tell me how to spend this one
life based on my fear on my life actually affecting others - I stop and I
breathe - I do not accept or allow myself to continue judging/defining
how my life actually affects everyone here in this one life - but
instead I commit myself to really understanding that even if I am doing
shit with my life, I am in essence making a choice/decision that is
already affecting those here within/as this world/reality, sooooooo I
might as well walk my talk - lol.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay more attention to how my life affects others when/as I am actually deciding to live something that which will bring a change that is best for all - believing that I must pay more attention to how I am living my life because I will no longer be able to live out my life of self-interest without question anymore - and within this would thus only ever take into consideration how I choose to live my life when/as I must actually give up everything to bring about a change that is best for all - because it's quite ironic that when I am living my life on a daily-basis constantly denying that which is existing here, then I choose to deny how my life that never made any difference to myself was another chance/opportunity for those here in this one life to even have the choice/decision to not live a life that will bring a change that is best for all. I commit myself to, when and as I see that I am choosing to only pay attention to how my life affects others when I am making the decision to no longer live within/as self-interest - to stop and breathe - realize that I am accessing judgments/definitions/beliefs/ideas within my mind based on living herein this one life and instead educate myself on how I have deviated my self-responsibility so easily to remain living my life based on some veil that I see into/as my eyes to never uncover the I's that I have created over time to remain living my life, only seeing what I want to see.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when/as I had to make a HUGE choice/decision, connect and link my mind-projections of what I am capable of walking based on the polarities between SMALL and HUGE - thinking and believing that when I must walk something that I am interpreting as quite extensive assume that I will fall on my ass and when I would be facing something small assume that I have everything in the bag. Within this I would then be accessing memories I have had of my projections of what assignments/tasks I am able to take on - and then I would immediately assume that the quantity somehow gives value to what I am able to walk based through connecting the image of making a choice/decision to allow myself to experience myself a certain way in order to be apparently ready to dedicate myself to something, no matter what. I now see, realize and understand that I am preventing myself from being dedicated to a choice/decision that I make to live - linking it to past memories/experiences that I have had. I commit myself to, when and as I see myself forming any idea/belief/perception about what I am able to walk based on quantity that I have given certain energetic charges to remain here, breathing - not allowing myself to go into forming any idea/belief/perception about what I am apparently able to walk here in this one life - but to instead really stop to investigate what it means to in fact walk a decision; absolutely and specifically, to finally get to know myself for real, no longer living my life based on what I am interpreting as extensive or small to affect the dedication to stand by/through a dedication from beginning to end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create limitations/variations to what I am able to walk here in this one life and within this would create a belief/idea about living - that I thus ask other's perspectives on how I should choose to live my life, not investigating how/why I have allowed myself to completely take away my power to actually make my own decisions to live self-trust based on how much I feared affecting other's lives, and thus I would completely deny how much I am affecting people's lives to not bring about an affect that which will bring dignity and respect for those that I choose to ignore on a daily-basis - to understand that I am creating a personality based on the connection and link of my mind to how I am apparently suppose to live. I now see, realize and understand that I am preventing myself to walk a life of no regrets, because I am too busy living in fear on how my decisions affect others - thus all my life I have been complying to those in my immediate reality, and so all I have ever known is life of how others want me to live - instead I allow myself to learn to understand that those in my outer-reality cannot help me to make a decision that I will have to live with, I allow myself to take a step back to realize the opportunity I have right now to bring about a change that will allow the further generations to live a life of dignity and respect. When and as I see myself creating limitations/variations to what I am able to walk here in this one life - I stop and I breathe - I do not accept or allow myself to continue second-guessing myself - but instead I commit myself to really start investigating how I want to spend this life, no longer being inflicted to live a lie that will bring about the same cycle of abuse as the generations before me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can continue living someone's idea/belief/perception about what life suppose to be - believing that I can continue denying the others here in this world/reality being completely disregarded - and within this would thus only take into consideration what I am actually with my life when/as my entire world/reality falls upon itself, only choosing to change that which would bring about the benefit to live what is easier. I commit myself to, when and as I see that I am choosing to continue living someone's idea/belief/perception about how I am suppose to live this one life - to stop and breathe - realize that I am not only disregarding the right to live my own life - but everyone else that doesn't have the opportunity to even have the right to live a lie in complete separation/detachment to what is being created/has already been created - instead I allow myself to not live according to judgments on how I am suppose to live - since I can that I am creating limitations/variations to what I am capable of walking - as well as finally living to my utmost potential, to actually realize that in fact means to live in every moment, here in this one life.
To Be Continued...
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