Sharing has not been caring for myself over the years, many times when I'm sharing something is because some outside situation/person want or desires me to pour my soul out, sort of speak - within this I've allowed myself to think/believe that sharing myself is pointless/meaningless because what I share has no difference on the person anyways - therefore - I assume/perceive that I might as well keep the point to myself because it would be completely trivial if I were to bring some support to someone, in some way - within this is the perfect excuse for myself to keep to myself and hide/suppress myself to actually understand that we're all here in this world and reality and have gathered different perspectives and experiences - therefore - we might as well learn from each other to actually grow/develop and expand as human beings and not hide behind ideas/projections that I cannot make a difference in some one's life in some way. This is an interesting point for myself since I've started participating in Desteni because all what Desteni is about is supporting yourself as supporting another by expressing/sharing as the group - within this point I've realized how much I've kept to myself over the years and never actually shared/expressed myself in a moment to actually understand that my words can carry some weight to others - I mean, when you spend your entire life not communicating/speaking you become use to the idea that sharing is completely pointless/meaningless to bring some support to another being's life, in some way.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that sharing myself to others is completely pointless/meaningless because I have created the belief/assumption/idea that my experiences/perspectives are apparently inferior/less than/unimportant to receive/give anyone assistance/support - therefore - I allow myself to hide/suppress myself in the moment to share/express my self-realizations that I have understood for myself because I think/believe that my experiences/perspectives are inferior/less than/unimportant, wherein - it comes to the point that it literally consumes me because I didn't stop the point and create a solution to choose to be self-honest but merely suppressed/compounded the point further for myself to hide/suppress the very perception/assumption that what I've realized throughout my life is somehow only inferior/less than/unimportant and will always be this way because I'm worthless. I now see, realize and understand that we're all here and therefore equal to/towards what is here in this physical reality and condemning myself that I am pointless/meaningless to assist/support anyone else - then I must consider if I'm assisting/supporting myself in the moment because if I allow myself to think/believe that I am worthless then this point will literally consume my outer-inner reality to finally make a decision to stand for what is best for all and support another as I'm supporting myself and to breathe, let go and write the hell out of myself to finally understand that it doesn't matter if I don't assist/support 1 person, 2 people or nobody for that matter because I am here and numbers do not define and give me value to assist and support myself always and stand up to support anyone as myself that is willing to HEAR me or HERE me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only share/express myself in a moment if someone/something outside myself is wanting/desiring for me to share/express myself in an assignment/task - within this I react in uselessness and think/believe that want I have to say has no substance/affect for anyone to actually understand for themselves - within this I create the belief/assumption/idea that everything I've self-realized throughout my life is meaningless/pointless -therefore - I will hide/suppress the experiences/perspectives that have brought me here supporting myself in the moment because I've given up on myself without even realizing it. I now see, realize and understand that when I'm asked to share/express in a moment for a task/assignment - I will myself to not treat the situation/transcendence point as a task/assignment but a point to trust myself in the moment and simply trust myself to understand that me trusting myself in the moment within sharing/expressing myself is enough and will always be enough because I cannot force anyone to realize themselves and that is entirely why its called self-realization.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that me assuming/perceiving that assisting/supporting someone is a gift because its a two-way street, wherein - I assist/support myself to open up a point in a moment to finally in-fact realize myself and within myself seeing this point I'm also giving someone else something to bring to the table, rather it being even something that they disagree with because I've allowed the person to open up their eyes to something and care enough to disagree about something to possibly where the person may transform themselves to what is best for all - therefore - I allow myself to investigate why/how I think/believe that sharing within another as myself is defined and valued as trivial when in-fact it is an opportunity to open up someone's eyes or open up my own to finally actually grow as human beings to reach an actual evolution that we can create a revolution that is best for all life. I now see, realize and understand that giving as you would like to receive is in essence what sharing could be for myself to live and in-fact grow as a human-being to not only help someone else open up a point but also myself to learn and not become self-righteous, I mean opening myself to other perspectives is what got me here in the first place so I might as well open up myself to others and share ourselves as another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to make a difference in some one's life in someway when I haven't focused on myself to in-fact trust myself and will myself to share/express unconditionally - therefore - I cannot be some savior because this world doesn't need another Jesus or Mother Teresa because this world is one and equal and so we've created everything here, within this is our self-responsibility as a group here in this world and reality to create a world that can finally be what is best for all life and choosing to become some sort of authority figure is completely pointless because I am not yet an example that is standing up for life but another liar that is trying/attaining to justify/excuse what I accepted and allowed and will come to the extent where I even hide/suppress myself to share/express myself unconditionally because of a mere assumption/belief that I am inferior/less than/unimportant and ultimately worthless - I now see, realize and understand that being some savior has only caused people to praise others to be some sort God outside themselves and never actually created anything worthwhile but only a constantly battle between morality of being a fucking God that will apparently save us all - within this its finally time to take self-responsibility for our actions and open up to others about our shit because not sharing/expressing at this point is merely self-interest and only another CharACTer acting to do anything to remain hidden/suppressed for eternity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that all the experiences/perspectives I've accumulated are less than/inferior/unimportant to the extent where the point consumes because I didn't stop the point and create a solution to choose to be self-honest but merely suppressed/compounded the point further for myself to hide/suppress the very perception/assumption that what I've realized throughout my life is somehow only inferior/less than/unimportant and will always be this because I'm worthless. I now see, realize and understand that I'm merely allowing self-defeat and self-victimization because I'm remaining a victim to the perception/assumption that I'm useless that I didn't create a solution and chose to become self-honest in the moment and stand up from that fear I've created - therefore - I allow myself to understand that I can and will only be a victim of a point if I'm not going to even create a solution for myself and choose to be the creator, and so I allow myself to get my head out of my ass to finally in-fact stand up from the fears/judgments/CharACTErs I've created that I'm useless to bring any support to anybody but in actuality it was never about anyone else and only always myself - I do not accept or allow myself to become a slave to my own fears/judgments/CharACTers that I've developed throughout my life as though I'm completely separate from them from the perspective that I'm not even capable of stopping the fear and judgment I experience when I'm sharing/expressing in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I am and will always remain separate from what I've created through out my life and will therefore think/believe that if I separated myself from my life so much then I shouldn't share/express my past because I let it become my present in the moment - within this I don't share/express myself at all because I assume/perceive that I'm worthless because my life has become the mirror of it from my perception/assumptions that I've created of myself throughout the years to the point where this would become another CharACTer to maintain and I would suit and mask myself up to always remains separate from my own fucking life because I always allowed myself to live the separation that I am worthless - therefore - I think/believe my life is worthless and so sharing/expressing myself becomes to difficult because all what I see is the CharACTer and lie I've allowed myself to live out throughout the years that I didn't stop the fear/judgment components of the CharACTer but remained separate from myself/life to the point where I would feed bottomless pits of depression and wallow in -self-defeat and self-victimization within the point that I am completely worthless to even self-expression within sharing/expressing oneself. I now see, realize and understand that everything of myself and my life is what I allow within the judgments/fears/CharACTers that I've harnessed throughout my life - therefore - my outer-inner reality will become a mirror of what I'm participating in to finally in-fact walk through the transcendence point - breath by breath - step by step - A Process of Accumulation.
great blog. thanks Jessica
ReplyDeleteThanks Adrian!
ReplyDeleteCool Jessica
ReplyDeleteThanks Kelly!
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