Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Day 5: The Perfect Body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am disgusting within the definition and value I gave to my body because of being influenced within society of what somebody is, 'suppose,' to look like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself out of a definition and value of/as my body being disgusting, without realizing that I am not subjected to be influenced within society of what somebody, 'suppose,' to look like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted myself to separate myself from society to use and abuse society of/as being the perfect ploy to manipulate others about myself using and abusing myself by/through being affected by society, within this I'm not seeing/realizing or understanding that, 'who I am,' within abdicating my own responsibility to/towards myself accepting and allowing myself to be and become my own ploy of self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in deliberate ways to keep my own responsibility away to be and become my own ploy of self-interest, to not value life in any shape/form for the sake of revolving around my own self-interest, therefore feeling like 'I can use and abuse society separate from me,' eventually resorting to not doing anything less than remaining the ploy of self-interest to be and become the victim of society - in essence still allowing myself to be trapped within the entire manipulation existent within society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use picture presentations of the media to define me as a person/who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that, 'who I am,' within looking at picture-presentations of the media can only be defined and valued according to what I'm experiencing within my mind for/as what I should or shouldn't be, and so I realize to not hold onto the picture-presentations of the media instead of living here in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold-onto the experience of being, 'ugly,' within picture-presentations of the media, instead of assisting/supporting myself to let those magazines of models and this experience go, and assist/support myself to not again place myself within situations/relationships where I accept/allow the experience/action of being, 'ugly.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I will always be worthless based on defining and valuing myself as, 'ugly,' inside and out, when I'm seeing myself as, 'ugly,' with/as me expressing the meaning in/as the moment, and so I realize I am not worthless nor ugly - because I redefine me in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to everyone around me because I think and believe that I am the only one that isn't accepting myself, instead of realizing that I have outed myself within inferiority as a separation point, defining myself according to the picture-presentations of determining whether when someone is, 'accepting,' or, 'non-accepting.' Not realizing/seeing/understanding that I have the ability in every moment of breath, to release/stop the definitions and values of picture-presentations, and walk the purifying/cleansing of/as who I am through writing/self-forgiveness and self-corrective application - that it is not, 'non-acceptance, ' or, 'acceptance,' of picture presentations that defines who I am it is me within my acceptance and allowances.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to express myself here as acceptance and instead allowing picture-presentations of determining when someone is, 'accepting,' or,'non-accepting,' within the belief that there is nothing else to do/be but continuously and consistently judge myself as inferior to everyone around me because I think and believe that I am the only one that isn't accepting myself as life, within and as acceptance to live and forgive myself as picture-presentations of determining when someone is, 'accepting,' or, 'non-accepting.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as, 'acceptance,' by/through keeping self-judgments of picture-presentations of determining when someone is, 'accepting,' or, 'non-accepting,' without realizing that in this, I am standing only as self-interest without actually expanding and living as, 'acceptance,' itself as all as one as equal as who I really am wherein I no longer because a slave to polarity of picture-presentations of/as acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of picture presentations to identify when people are apparently being and becoming, 'accepting,' or, 'non-accepting,' instead of realizing that it's about being and becoming one and equal to/towards, 'acceptance,' and simply be and become the physical-living-experience that I really am as being the physical body that is here.

"You're never going to be, 'good enough,' within being with someone because your body's disgusting"! "You're worthless and will never be able to accept yourself." "How the hell do you expect for someone to accept you, when you cannot even accept yourself"?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat, 'You're never going to be, 'good enough,' within being with someone else because your body's disgusting' to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe the backchat the mind speaks in relation to, 'You're never going to be, ' good enough,' within being with someone else because your body's disgusting,' - instead of me deciding who I am in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and follow the backchat, 'You're never going to be, 'good enough,' within being with someone else because your body is disgusting,' - not realizing/seeing/understanding that the backchat is simply all my reactions/judgments/suppressions that have become a voice in my head. And instead of investigating the nature of the backchat as reactions/judgments/suppressions I have believed it and listened to it and only made my self relationship more conflicting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat 'You're worthless and will never be able to accept yourself' to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a voice in my head of abuse to define and give me value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat, 'You're worthless and will never be able to accept yourself,' to make me experience myself as worthless/inferior - instead of realizing that I have in that moment a breath, to stop participation in the backchat, 'You're worthless and will never be able to accept yourself,' to stop participation in the backchat and be here with my body and realize that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat, 'How the hell do you expect for someone to accept you, when you cannot even accept yourself?’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and follow the backchat in my mind, 'How the hell do you expect for someone to accept you, when you cannot even accept yourself,'? - not seeing/realizing/understanding that the backchat is simply all my reactions/judgments/suppression that have become a voice in my head. And instead of investigating the nature of the backchat as reactions/judgments/suppressions I have believed it and listened to it and only made my self relationship more conflicting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in hopelessness towards never being able to accept myself and not judge myself over my physical appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect never being able to accept myself and not judged myself over my physical appearance to/towards hopelessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in inferiority in judging myself over the past and gave into the reactions that I'll never be able to accept myself because of how I've been living my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in inferiority towards in judging myself over the past and gave into the reactions that I'll never be able to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my reaction of inferiority to hold me in judging  of myself over the past and reactions that I'll never be able to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in many occasions with inferiority - accepted and allowed myself to give into the self-victimization and self-defeat, instead of considering the practical consequences of my experience of myself and the others I'm placing as, 'superior,' to actually consider myself and others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed inferiority to become acceptance - instead of seeing the polarity of, 'not accepting myself,' into an intimate connection process that I walk with another in agreement within/as equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards never accepting myself and always living my life as a slave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear as believing that I will always be a slave, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that it is/has always been me only fearing myself.

I judged myself to believe and deceive myself that my body is too disgusting to be intimate with another person as myself, that I will never be, 'good enough,' of having any means of an agreement with someone else because I've allowed myself to not accept myself. In this, I have judged myself as inferior to even being with myself and let alone being with someone else, like, 'I'm hopeless, or something.'

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to go into judgment towards myself in relation to my body is too disgusting within being directed by/through the media: I stop participation in defining myself as picture-presentations, by taking a breath and reminding myself that I am here in my body in this moment and not in a picture-presentation.

I commit myself to - when and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into judgments about never having had sex with another person because relationships scare me within the fear of being intimate with myself as another, I realize that I will not accept and allow my fear of self-intimacy as another to define who I am here in this moment of breath, but that I will in the moment stand with myself and realize that I am walking my process of redefining me to walk/become/live/express my self equality and oneness, to finally let the self-judgment go and accept myself within self-intimacy.

I assist and support myself to - from this moment, transform the self-judgment into and as a practical physical process, that I will only walk in agreement with seeing/realizing/understanding, 'self-judgment,' as a gift to acceptance to assist/support myself with ensuring that self-judgment does not just come as an act of not accepting myself with consequence to myself and another but a realization to learn, grow and expand from seeing that judgment is a key point to understand what I am doing to myself.

I realize that judging myself from my physical appearance, internally and externally, is only holding myself from myself - and letting go of/releasing my judgments is letting go of/releasing myself from picture presentations, so that can walk here in every moment of breath, standing equal - to and one with ourselves/me and each other and start the process of life.
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