Desire of Using and Abusing Knowledge and Information to get what I want/desire.
This is a very fascinating point because this very topic already is showing me what I'm doing to myself, in relation to the point, 'Desire of Using and Abusing Knowledge and Information to get what I want/desire,' meaning - what exactly am I trying to benefit in relation to getting what I want and desire, in relation to knowledge and information? Essentially, I'm trying to be more than the knowledge/information and the people/situations I use/abuse to make myself seem, 'more/superiority/special,' because I won't allow myself to see knowledge/information as something, one and equal to myself but a mere form of separation to get what I want/desire. This point has formulated into various parts/aspects of my life/process:
When your a child you see everything very innocently, you actually see life and live in the moment but as we grow older all the knowledge and information we gather starts to cloud our eyes from life and we start going blind. For me, as I grew older in the Education System I was very confused about all the knowledge and information because it never made any sense to me, it was difficult to even understand why I even had to shove all these equations and/or facts because if I didn't I wouldn't get a good grade or have a very good future for myself, so, of course that was my moving point because everyone in my family didn't go to college and I didn't want to struggle like they did. So, in school knowledge and information was important for myself to regurgitate on tests and to actually get some where in the system but its also fascinating how we're taught to understand the information a certain way for it to make any sense but what I noticed is that most of the time we never actually looked at the origin of why/how makes information make sense. Because I never understood if information was actually understood then wouldn't the world be a completely different place? Nothing seemed to make any sense to myself. Nothing seemed to add up. During High School it was much easier for myself to remember knowledge but looking at when I was a child I found it hard to adapt too as well. All the points were very foreign to me and they didn't seem to make any sense, therefore, I remember at one point I was told to go in-front of the class in kindergarden and recite the ABC's but I didn't understand it and my teacher brought up another boy and told me why I couldn't remember my ABC's when he can. So, the point of always having to live up to my teachers expectations of intelligence bothered me as I got older and so it became much more important to get better grades. It's also fascinating how I've realized how the teachers would have certain personalities of what intelligence was and so I would have to look at my teacher's learning-styles to have a chance at passing a class to match my teachers pre-programmed design. My relationship within knowledge and information became my God for it was the only way I would be able to have security in this world.
Knowledge and Information was my God because I even used and abused knowledge to make myself seem superior within studying points of the occult/spirituality, and I would express myself in my backchat that everyone didn't know what I knew. I used points of knowledge as these mechanisms for others to leave me alone and to be self-righteous. I thought that if I knew tons of weird shit then maybe people wouldn't communicate with me and I could just continue in my world and reality to study the occult further for others to be scared shitless, and so I used knowledge and information to even escape people to apparently infect me within more knowledge they I didn't really want to hear, and so learning strange shit would make people go away and there would just be me and my own shit to feed and deal with. Knowledge has become infectious in this world, and I seen this and I didn't want myself to be contaminated with more shit that I would most likely be gullible enough to believe in it and therefore define myself as the point. I didn't want to lose myself. I didn't want to lose the innocence that I believed I already had.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to knowledge/information to such an extent that I allowed myself to cloud my eyes from life and thus as a got older the more knowledge/information I would push into my mind would then start compounding more and more for me to separating myself further from the actuality of this reality and, 'who I am,' within this world and reality to see how I'm actually destroying myself to NOT --be and become one and equal to knowledge/information and NOT allow myself to be confused and separated from life, more and more as a push information into my head that I'm not actually understanding in any context for me to actually assist and support myself to look at the information in a practical/supportive way, for me to learn how to dissect the knowledge/information in common-sense. I see, realize and understand that I am merely separating myself because I'm not willing myself to actually understand the knowledge/information that I'm pushing into my mind, and so I allow myself to NOT trust knowledge/information outside myself and to NOT trust the separation point that told me to memorize the information, but to actually Download the information within and as myself and apply it within the context of what is best for ALL to be redefined and purified and NOT regurgitated because of mere trust and laziness on my part that I have to memorize the information in a very brainwashing way for me to NOT look at the information in practical-living, and so I allow myself to look at the knowledge/information to see if its what is best for all and if its not then I allow myself to NOT throw away the thought in my unconscious-mind but to actually integrate the information that doesn't stand what is best for all, because what doesn't stand for what is best for all isn't to be disregarded for its actually a choice for me to see what doesn't work for Equality & Oneness as having a dignified life for all and what actually does work for everyone to live a life of actual living to see, realize and understand that we are ALL made up of LIFE.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a became older to become severely confused to such an extent that I didn't investigate why/how I actually how to show all these Equations and/or Facts and within this I allowed myself to sabotage myself to purify myself to become ; one and equal to the equations and/or facts because I was so desperate to survive in this world and not end up my family, and so I didn't in anyway investigate the knowledge/information that I was shoving into my head because I believed/ deceived myself that it is the only way for me to actually survive and make a living in this world. I see, realize and understand that shoving Equations and/or facts and connecting it to survival of the fetus is actually myself NOT seeing the point that Equations and/or facts can be a practical means of expanding myself to self-realizations, that I don't have to shove Equations and/or Facts in my head in a regurgitated manner but I can actually investigate for the very first time myself and, 'who I am,' within Equations and/or Facts to see, realize and understand that Equations and/or Facts are just like me; equal and one, and so I realize that Equations and/or Facts are just like me because we're both waiting for the one moment where ourselves will turn into LIFE and not something to be used/abused in a regurgitated manner for mere survival and NOT LIVING. I realize, that knowledge/information is meant to be LIVED and not FEARED, because knowledge/information is what allows us to expand/grow and develop to have a self-realization of our true potential - Life.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate knowledge/information to put my entire beingness into a test/assignment/task but understand/learn information in a regurgitated manner for me to actually see, realize and understand that if I'm not understanding the information then who is? I allow myself to see, realize and understand that looking at the origin of why/how knowledge/information makes sense is crucial in my development to actually develop for real and NOT use/abuse grades and project certain values/definitions to/towards them and call that my development and that I'm apparently, 'intelligent,' and so these grades and intelligence will make me survive in this world of money, but I allow myself to actually understand information in a clear directive way of breathing for myself to integrate the information faster and more practical to finally become closer of a world that will be dignified for ALL, because within myself integrating knowledge/information within self-awareness this will actually support me to become successful in the system to bring about a change, an equal change of opportunity: The Equal Money System.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try/attain and live up to my teachers expectations of intelligence to such an extent that it was my starting-point of getting good grades, and so I actually wasn't supporting myself to do the best I can be but merely trying to fuel some idea/projection of my teacher to where it came to the point where I would match my learning-style to the teachers for myself to have a better chance of getting a good grade=equalizing survival of the fetus for myself to not struggle like my parents did. I see, realize and understand that matching up to a projection/idea of my teacher's expectation is in no way supportive because I actually have no cross-referencing to see what my teacher's expectations are, and the starting-point of getting good grades being based on an idea/projection will inevitably lead to a fall of myself, rather it being me getting a bad grade or having a mental breakdown because all the constant ideas/expectations that I imagined and created in my mind was too much to handle because it was exactly that, it was only an idea/expectation of energy that can/and will never last for eternity as LIFE can for standing one and equal as my teacher and no ideas/projections needed.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that connecting knowledge/information to survival of money is in no way practical means to assist/support, and so I allow myself to actually realize that seeing the connotation of knowledge/information being the key ingredient in survival in this world without any means of fear or ideas/projection is actually supportive for myself to survive in this world, and to allow myself to NOT react and create these ideas/projections of what will help me survive in this world because at the moment it is inevitable that we have to survive with money but creating these ideas/projections of knowledge/information to/towards money will actually permeant my outer-reality to face the fear and expectation/projection/idea that I've created to see that I am in no way living in the first place so I might as well starting living, therefore, I allow myself to walk through my reactions to see, realize and understand that everyone in this world and including myself have equal opportunity to LIVE if only there were money, so, I allow myself to see, realize and understand that an Equal Money System will be the only way for there to be any means of nobody ever surviving in this world again but to actually LIVE for the very first time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/abuse knowledge/information as a secret weapon in relation to utilizing the occult/spirituality as my scapegoat to NOT allow anyone to take away the apparent innocence that I believed/deceived myself that I thought I had, I see, realize and understand that I actually lost that innocence as soon as I came out my mother's womb because even then I was integrated within the Sins of the Fathers, and so I was already a complete system, therefore, I actually knew nothing - I didn't know myself, realize myself as Life. I allow myself to realize that using/abusing knowledge/information to make myself seem superior/special to/towards others is actually me trying/attaining and separating myself further from knowledge/information because I in no way I allow myself to realize in complete humbleness that I know nothing and will always know nothing, and so I allow myself to be okay with that to actually see the point that if I'm knowing nothing then I'm certainly not living. I realize, that LIFE doesn't require a point of knowing, because that would imply complete separation to NOT LIVE but to only separate myself further from myself, and so I realize that knowing is impossible because knowledge/information as LIFE can never be known but only LIVED.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that if I know tons of weird shit then people would leave me alone, because apparently if I were to be with others/around others then I would somehow become contemned within more knowledge/information and would become eternally fucked to always lose sight of live, truth is I was actually losing sight of myself as LIFE. I see, realize and understand that escaping reality will in no way assist/support myself to transcend knowledge/information because I'm in no way facing my outer-reality but only fueling/projecting the point further in my own ideas/projections of how to deal with the point of knowledge/information in a mind infested manner that in no way assist and supports myself to really LIVE for the very first time and not be and become a mere robot that regurgitates knowledge/information to survive for money. I allow myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot go on like this any longer and there is no other choice but to investigate why/how knowledge operates and what makes us understand certain information and why/how others will be seen as complete bullshit.
Within the word, 'information,' I have reacted/perceived that the word information takes a life of its own and is bigger and separate from me because I think/believe that I'm inferior to information because information is everywhere and so I only see myself here in one place and not in anyway connected to everything and everyone like information is, so I'm seeing information separate from myself but equal and one to/towards everyone and everything, while I'm apparently nothing and am in no means equal and one to/towards Life because all I see is me, therefore, I see myself as one person not connected to life in anyway.
Dictionary Definition: facts provided or learned about something or someone.
Redefining the word "Information."
Sounding - IN - FOR - MAT -ION
Information represents looking in at oneself in honesty and to not sit down and wait for someone/something to come and bring about a change and so self will either take action or wait forever for self to wake up.
The practical application of the word Information - is to look at oneself in honesty to take action of taking the point of waiting for self-change back to self and breathe, apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.
'Information' as a door of opportunity to purify oneself and change, where one can see that one is making information bigger then self and will therefore wait or will take the point back to self and breathe, apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.