Sunday, September 2, 2012
Day 43: Escaping the Abusive Environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that I am not able/will never be able to walk process because I allow myself to self-create backdoors for myself - to create scapegoats for myself that are apparently NOT allowing me to walk this process, because I assume/perceive that those in my outer environment are holding me back to commit myself to this process; absolutely and specifically; I've allowed myself to assume/perceive that those in my outer-reality are abusing me purposely/deliberately - within this I use/abuse this door of opportunity to stand here in any environment because I'm actually relieved within and as myself to have the perfect excuse/justification to not walk this process to the best of my ability, and so I didn't see, realize or understand that the current situation I'm in at the moment allows me to really see who I am/could be, because within and as facing those in my outer-reality shows/reveals that I can stand/commit myself to this process, No Matter what situation/person I'm facing in the moment, therefore, I now see, realize and understand that process is never a decision/choice to be able to stand/commit myself to be here, exist here and live myself as breath, and making the decision/choice to NOT stand/commit myself in others - therefore - This Process of walking out of our minds and into and as this physical reality can only be walked absolutely and specifically if I'm in actuality standing/committing myself to/towards Life, and so the choice/decision to NOT stand in my current environment is crazy - from the perspective that I allow myself to walk this process of Self-Actualization to be/become an Self-Willed Equal that is standing, No Matter What - I cannot make excuses/justifications for why/how I'm NOT taking this Door of Opportunity to the best of my ability - because I am the one that decides who I am/could be in a moment, and these chances/opportunities I get from my Family on a daily-basis show/reveal daily who I am/could be in the moment - to actually in-fact understand which points I'm not willing to stand/commit as in the moment and which points I'm directing in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that process can not be able/never will be able to be walked if I'm making the decision/choice to commit/stand into and as, wherein - others I make the decision/choice to react and give my power away because I'm in essence screwing within and as myself to NOT make the choice/decision absolutely and specifically to ensure that I am NOT allowing backdoors for myself to assume/perceive that I am completely powerless/worthless because I've given those in my outer-reality my power to NOT in-fact stand/commit myself to Life - within this I make the excuse/justification that most people would've given up by now because of what I'm facing at the moment, and so I allow myself to STOP, breath and bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I know exactly what I must do to walk this process of Equality & Oneness, but I haven't allowed myself to stand/commit myself absolutely and specifically to/towards Life because I was too busy thinking/believing that I am powerless/worthless to/towards the situation I am - I realize now that I am powerless/worthless to myself because I wasn't using my outer-reality as a gift to understand where my strengths and weaknesses are that need/require corrected for myself to inevitably stand absolutely and specifically - to in-fact realize that I can stand as a pillar of support for myself, not needing/requiring anyone/anything outside myself, except the essentials I use to survive on a daily-basis of course - lol, I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue making up justifications/excuses as I go along because I assume/perceive that I am a prisoner in the situation I am - I am a Prisoner to myself if I continuously allow myself to self-create justifications/excuses because I've allowed myself to be/become fearful of who I am/could be if I were to actually in-fact make the choice/decision to commit/stand as All as One as Equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that my physical environment is a valid excuse/justification to why/how I am apparently not capable/will never be capable to walk this process, I allow myself to stop, breathe and bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that my outer-reality is a test for myself to actually in-fact see how I've limited/enslaved myself to/towards my external reality, and so I've assumed/perceived that my physical environment holds power over me to NOT in-fact commit/stand here as pillar of self-support or anyone as myself that need/requires self-direction - to in essence realize that the moment I allow myself to be/become directed to my physical environment I am making the statement that process implies being in certain environments that are apparently stable and non-abusive, I realize now that process is not commitment to stand/commit myself here in certain environments and not in others - Process is in every moment, and so I allow myself to walk this process to the best of my ability and I can see into and as self-honesty I am not walking this process in complete unconditional self-support and standing as pillar of support for those that need/require self-direction, I am holding myself back because I am too busy judging what I am doing now and what I am not doing - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continuously bullshit myself to NOT stand as pillar of unconditional support because I've been too busy judging myself the entire time to in-fact walk this process, No Matter What.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I am not capable/will never be capable to stand as a pillar of support and/or supporting another as myself - because I have belittled/diminished myself that I am inferior to actual change to walk this process to the best of my ability in every moment, No Matter What my Outer-Reality is throwing back at me, and so I allow myself to be/become humble to NOT judge/take everything personally because I've been so afraid of myself to such an extent that I judge myself in every possibly way - within this the self-judgment has only allowed me to belittle/diminish myself to the point that I just want to die because I am afraid to walk this process absolutely and specifically to in-fact realize that self-support is here/has always been here - therefore - I allow myself to really walk this process of Self-Actualization to take the points into and as equalization as Self-Realization to in-fact understand that I am here, No Matter What , and so I stand/commit myself to Life; No Matter What - I now see, realize and understand that I am in a difficult situation but not impossible because impossible is in actually impossible when/as I have absolutely no resources to survive into and as this world/reality - therefore - I stand/commit myself to Life to be an example that Self-Change can be possible in any environment I am facing in the moment - I do NOT accept or allow myself to limit/enslave myself to an abusive environment because I've programmed myself that when/as the going gets tough, Give Up - I stand/commit myself to in-fact change here into and as this physical reality for real, No Justifications and No Excuses - Time to get real!!!!!!!