I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when/as I am in the moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here, lie to myself, because I've allowed myself to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality to purposely/deliberately not look within and as self-honesty to realize/understand/investigate that the entire time I wasn't in anyway looking/searching/finding//reaching out for myself, because I have known/have always known that "who I am" is not separate outside myself creating separation/division within and as myself, therefore, I have known/have always known that the entire time that I am here/have always been here to the point that I will self-create Me's/personalities/characters to not look within and as self-honesty to actually create a practical-solution in my day to day living that can/always been applied, of course always taking into consideration/account of the principle of Equality & Oneness to make sure I don't search/find/seek/reach outward for a ME/character/personality, purposely/deliberately to not consider/take into consideration/into account how/why I've allowed myself to lie relentlessly for absolutely nothing in the end, because I was only wasting/waiting/postponing/prolonging my game of searching/finding/seeking/reaching out for a ME/character/personality that I knew within and as myself was impossible/has always been impossible to find, because it was only an illusional idea/belief/perception/assumption to continuously believe/deceive myself that somehow "who I am" can be based on something outside myself in the first place.
I now see, realize and understand that if/when I see myself in the moment of an actual moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has been always here to be compromised/sabotaged because of taking the moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has always been here searching/finding/seeking/reaching out for a ME/character/personality, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE, I now see, realize and understand that I was only trying/attaining/attempting to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality, because "who I am," is here/has always been here the entire time and I find this very difficult to face within and as myself, I fear that if/when I actually take the moment to actually be here in the moment within and as the actual moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has always been here that I will always have to face myself, therefore, it's quite fascinating how I've carried so much FEAR to/towards myself to the point that I will purposely/deliberately create separation/divide within and as myself in relation to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality, therefore, I commit myself to get back to myself/existence/this world and reality to understand/realize/investigate that if I continuously waste/wait/postpone my life away merely because I assume/perceive that an apparent ME/character/personality will somehow allow the FEAR I experience and participate unconsciously within and as myself somehow go away, then my life/process/the entirety of myself will have been compromised/sabotaged because I did not a take a moment/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here to in-fact realize/understand/investigate that it's time to really get to know myself for the first time, to actually realize that "who I am" cannot in any shape/form be/become erased because of a ME/character/personality, because "who I am" is here/has always been here and so there is no way to escape the inevitable of facing myself, absolutely and specifically getting to know myself for the first time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry so much weight/mind-burden myself within and as FEAR to/towards actually in-fact facing myself to the point that I will actually search/find/seek/reach out for Me's/characters/personalities that I knew within and as myself will only have always created divide/separation, because I actually FEAR who I am/have become to in-fact be/become intimate within and as myself, therefore, if/when I am carrying so much weight/mind-burden of FEAR of the actuality of "who I am," then I've actually judged/diminished myself to the point that I will do everything in my delusional power to suppress/hide away from the truth of myself, and so I will lie to myself on a day to day basis, when/as I am in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here, because the judgment/diminishment is actually my safety-net to be/become my justification/excuse to continuously not actually look/search/find/seek within and as what is here/has always been here, to in-fact realize/understand/investigate that I've been separate from myself for so long, because my entire life I've unconsciously carried so much weight/mind-burden within and as FEAR to "who I am," because I've actually been self-aware on some level that who I am/have become is something that must be changed, and so the fear/diminishment/judgment was my little safety-net to not actually investigate/realize/understand myself within and as self-honesty, therefore, I allow myself to take a step back and in-fact understand/realize/investigate that the FEAR/diminishment/judgment was actually purposely/deliberately my safety-net, because I am scared shitless to search/find/seek/reach within and as myself, creating no separation/division, but actually creating a physical practical solution on a day to day basis that will allow me to look within and as myself in complete self-honesty for myself to not be/become fearful/diminished/judgmental within and as myself, to in-fact realize that this process/life starts with myself to actually no longer carry the weight/wait and mind-burden of FEAR to take a step back, apply the 4-count breath, check myself within and as self-honesty to make sure I am not in anyway experiencing/participating in my world and reality/existence as a ME/character/personality, but in actuality understanding/realizing/investigating that I am here/have always been here and so there is absolutely nowhere for me to hide, how cool is that?!
I now see, realize and understand that when/as I am experiencing and participating within and as carrying so much weight/wait and mind-burden of/as FEAR to/towards myself, no Me's/characters/personalities needed/required, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I now see, realize and understand that I am purposely/deliberately searching/finding/seeking/reach outward for a ME/character/personality to divide/separate myself from/to/as myself, to continuously not in-fact realize/understand/investigate that if/when I am doing everything in my delusional power to not actually realize myself from the get go, I am in actuality carrying so much weight/wait and mind-burden of/as FEAR because I have mind-projected my own ideas/beliefs/perceptions/assumptions about who I am/have become to the point that I will go outside myself to find/search/seek/reach out for Me's/characters/personalities, because I have unconsciously mind-projected myself as something I must diminish/judge to the point I will hide behind a false presentation to not simply be/become humble, slowly but surely, therefore, I commit myself to take a deep breath, be patient, and see/realize/understand that who I am/have become is completely unacceptable but I do not need/require to separate/divide myself to/from/as myself more, therefore, I allow myself to actually take a step back, apply the 4-count breath when/as I see myself in the moment looking/seeking/searching/reaching out for a ME/personality/character or in the moment actually seeing myself about to/or already in that very moment looking/seeking/searching/reaching out for a ME/personality/character to simply breathe, no judgment or diminishment needed, I allow myself to see/realize/understand that I must be/become absolutely humble, because looking within and as common-sense the judgment/diminishment has only led me to FEAR, to FEAR so compounded/perpetuated/compounded that I feared myself/who I am/have become/could be.
To Be Continued...