Sunday, September 30, 2012

Day 65: Admit It - You Can't Hear

This is a continuation to Day 64: Choosing To Live In Fear
The thought that I have had is a person bringing forth a point that needs/requires change/direction, and I see myself very little in comparison. Thus, it's quite fascinating how I've placed/projected myself as inferior/less than/unintelligent to a practical-insight opening up in my world/reality to deliberately/purposely place myself as some victim to the other party that is bringing up the point to never come to a point of self-realization.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply stand here in the moment that is here/has always been here to in fact actually HERE the point that is being presented HERE in the moment - but to instead, compromise/abuse/sabotage myself to remain a slave/character because I would immediately/instantaneously see a picture in my mind of someone brining forth a point that needs/requires change/direction, which is in no way anything to take personally because I've been seeing myself deliberately/purposely little in comparison to the person and the point that is being presented in the moment - wherein, when I had to face myself in such instances of someone showing/revealing a point that needs/requires change/direction, I would automatically/instantaneously/immediately take the point and person - not seeing/realizing/understanding that it was I who had purpose/deliberately had taken the thought of someone brining forth a point that needs/requires change/direction to my utmost potential to act accordingly in my taking everything personal character/personality/persona to forevermore personally abuse/compromise/sabotage myself in complete repetition because it was all I've known throughout my life to never actually HERE in the moment that presents itself - thus indicating that all I was doing the entire time was when/as the door of opportunity presented itself, I already made the choice/decision to act accordingly to remain seeing myself as little to remain living what I've grew to live for: HERE to HERE absolutely nothing at all costs to remain a victim to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage/compromise/abuse myself in complete repetition because I've given up on myself because of a picture showing/revealing how much I would do to never in-fact realize who I am/must be and become - I now see, realize and understand that using/abusing myself because a picture pops up in my mind is not in anyway something separate from myself because I was the one that purposely limited/enslaved myself to only be/become a picture-presentation to never in-fact HERE what is HERE - within this I make an agreement with myself to stand one/equal to what is HERE to in-fact HERE a point that is presented in a moment to no longer remain deaf because it's simply all I've ever known.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise/sabotage/abuse myself into thinking/believing/perceiving that a picture-presentation of someone brining a point forward is something bad/good to the point that I give myself certain values and definitions to the point that I will act accordingly, thus not seeing/realizing/understanding that a picture presentation is a door of opportunity to CHANGE myself accordingly to physically act accordingly to breathe here as self-expression - thus, I forgive myself that I, within this, did not at all accept myself as who I am/could be to when a door of opportunity would present itself for self-expansion, as I wanted/desired to not realize who I am/have become to forevermore remain a victim to myself to never HERE what is HERE, in absolute ignorance, because I was deaf the entire time - thus, I forgive myself that I did not accept or allow myself to HERE when/as someone would present a point to expand myself in all facets, because I made the choice/decision to remain deaf for it was all I've known through my Life, thus all what I've become throughout my life was purposely/deliberately blind to never realize who I am/must be to teach myself in complete repetition that all I am/must be is completely and entirely deaf to remain a slave/character for the rest of my Life.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the longer I had continuously not physically acted accordingly as the picture-presentation of someone presenting a practical-insight in the moment, the more I became deaf to what is HERE to in-fact HERE, wherein every time when/as someone would present a point I would purposely/deliberately program myself to act accordingly to take the person and point personal, as I began to unconsciously throughout my life be/become someone that would automatically/instantaneously/immediately cloud the practical-insight to purposely/deliberately suit my suit of armor to remain keeping everything personally contained within and a myself to act accordingly in the moment that is here/has always been here - trying/attaining/attempting to duke my personal self-responsibility to take everything personal to remain forevermore deaf to not HERE what is HERE - not seeing/realizing/understanding that all what I was doing, was to duke everything up within/as myself for it to be easier/more natural for me to continuously lie to myself throughout my life - having absolutely no clue who I am/have become, and thus would remain a victim to myself - not at all realizing that the answer was to HERE, for real, for Life, the entire time.

To Be Continued...
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