This is a continuation to Day 52: I'm Wasting My Life Away
Okay, so - I'm now starting to understand just how much I judge myself when/as I am surrounded by/through people - because school is really allowing me to realize how much I've been judging myself in my Life - though I find it fascinating that when/as I was applying the Desteni tools in High School everything was fine and dandy - so, I'm going to be covering various dimensions of how I've judged myself in relation to who I am/have become in relation to people - slowly but surely DIS-Covering myself once and for all - to actually understand that I don't need/require to be a slave to other people's perceptions/assumptions/thoughts/emotions/feelings/backchat to/towards myself - because it was never about anyone/anything but who I am/have become in the moment/breath/chance/opportunity that I didn't allow myself to live in practical-application, and so it's important for myself to realize that when/as I am reacting to someone/something I am assuming/perceiving/thinking/believing that I am being dissected/analyzed/judged in very abusive ways (apparently) - in this I am not considering/taking into consideration that when/as I am assuming/perceiving/thinking/believing that someone/something is dissecting/analyzing/judging myself in the moment is actually a cool opportunity to see how I am limiting/enslaving myself to someone's apparent perceptions/assumptions/thoughts/emotions/feelings/backchat - because in the moment when/as I am making the choice/decision to react to someone/someone dissecting/analyzing/judging myself I am making the choice/decision to remain a mere slave - I've allowed myself to make the choice/decision to think/believe/perceive/assume that I am someone/something's apparent preconceived ideas/beliefs/perceptions/assumptions/judgements - in this I become one and equal to these apparent ideas/beliefs/perceptions/assumptions/judgements, from the perspective that I become one and equal within and as my mind to a mere illusion that I don't take the stance within and as myself that I am the one at the end of the day that makes the choice/decision to react or to actually apply the 4-count breath in the moment to actually check who I am/have become in the moment - instead - I assume/perceive that I am this person's apparent preconceived ideas/beliefs/assumptions/perceptions that I see myself as only this one person's illusion of myself that in the moment to the extent that this person's preconceived ideas/beliefs/assumptions/perceptions is all I am in that moment, that I don't actually see myself at all - because I made the choice/decision to see myself as someone's idea/belief/perception/assumption of who I apparently am and within and as my moment I be/become this person's idea/belief/assumption/perception to the point that I literally just become this one idea/belief/assumption/perception - I've allowed myself to only see myself as this one point that someone/something is pointing out to me to the extent that I don't realize in the moment I am in actuality reacting to this one point because I haven't allowed myself to understand that I am not one and equal to/towards this point that I am seeing myself as - I see this one point as something unconsciously negative/positive that I react in the moment - instead of treating each point that someone/something reflects back to myself as an unconditional gift to actually understand how I can actually breathe in the moment to take each moment as an actual chance/opportunity to Re-Veil who I am/have become to slowly but surely re-birth myself here within and as this physical reality to slowly but surely see who I am/could become.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I don't in any shape/form have to limit/enslave myself in the moment by/through reacting to other people's perceptions/assumptions/thoughts/emotions/feelings/backchats - because it was never about anyone/anything but who I am/have become in the moment/breath/chance opportunity that I didn't allow myself to live in practical application - instead I've allowed myself to think/believe/perceive/assume that I must take other people's reactions personal to the point that self-judge myself because in that moment when/as someone/something is Re-Veiling to myself who I am/have become, I in actuality see myself as this one point that someone/something is Re-veiling that I don't take the chance/opportunity/moment/breath to actual Re-Veil myself to Re-VEAL myself to myself - instead I've allowed myself to see someone's perceptions/assumptions/thoughts/emotions/feelings/backchats as someone I must react to because I've mind-projected my own assumptions/perceptions/judgments/ideas/beliefs unconsciously to/towards the person and the actual perceptions/assumptions/thoughts/emotions/feelings/backchats to the extent that I don't realize for myself that if/when I am reacting to/towards someone/something I am in actuality not one and equal to/towards the point in any shape/form to the extent that I only see myself as this one point that is being Re-Veiled to myself in the moment - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I am limiting/enslaving myself purposely/deliberately to act like the victim to/towards the situation/person that Re-VEALED to myself who I am/have become for myself to continuously self-create the idea/belief/assumption/perception that when/as someone/something is showing/revealing an part/aspect of myself that I am not one and equal to/towards, that I apparently have no choice/decision but to remain the victim to the point that I didn't want to within and as myself - because obviously if/when I am reacting to/towards someone/something I am in no way having to self-judge myself - I can simply stop, breathe and I bring myself back here - to understand that everything I am reacting to/towards is a cool indication who I am/have become to slowly but surely reach the point that I can see clearly who I am/could be - to in-fact actually Re-Veal myself to myself within and as common-sense, not always considering/taking into consideration what will allow me to continuously Re-Veil myself for eternity - Veiling myself within and as the layers of my mind to not DIS-Cover all the bullshit - to in-fact look in the mirror at myself in gratitude - because it's never anything personal - only personal from the perspective to actually get real within and as myself to no longer Re-Veil myself for eternity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self-sabotage/compromise who I am/could be in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity to in-fact realize who I am/have become - because I have Re-Veiled myself all throughout my Life, that I never actually realized what points I haven't be/become one and equal to/towards to because it's such an acceptable/natural part of myself to the point that I react to the point when/as someone/something reveals/shows to/towards myself how I am in actuality not equalizing myself to certain parts/aspects of myself that I actually see myself as the victim - because I never had taken the time to investigate who I am/have become in the moment that I react to something/someone, in this I've allowed what actually limits/enslaves myself to always exist - because in the moment I am taking something personally I am judging myself to the point that I don't see how I've mind-projected energetic charges of positive/negative to/towards the part/aspect of myself that I am not being/become one and equal to, because obviously if I am reacting to something/someone told me I in actuality unconsciously mind-projecting various perceptions/assumptions/judgments to the part/aspect that I won't realize within and as myself - in this I make the choice/decision to self-sabotage/compromise who I am/could be in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity to in-fact Dis-Cover all various mind-projected perceptions/assumptions/judgments I have carried weight over to the extent that I carry my life/process within and as wait/waste/postponement, therefore - I now see, realize and understand that when/as I am in the moment self-sabotaging/compromising because of reacting to/towards something/something, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that it has absolutely nothing personal to myself - because everything is a mirror reflection of who I am in a moment to investigate how I've allowed myself Re-Veil over and over in complete repetition to the point that I don't take the practical-application needed once and for all to realize that whenever I am reacting to something - I am in actuality carrying weight to/towards the unconscious mind-attachments I carried to the point I didn't want to see within and as myself who I am/have become - I now see, realize and understand that these unconscious mind-attachments I carried over-time are nothing personal - because I allow myself to stop allowing my preconceived ideas/beliefs/assumptions/perceptions no longer carry any weight within and as myself - because I allow myself to realize that all what I was doing in actuality was waiting for myself to take my power back to myself - realizing that everything is a reflection of myself to test who I am/could be - no longer living the mirror reflecting back at myself become mere repetition to continuously self-sabotage/compromise myself in the moment - I STOP!!!!!!!!!
To Be Continued...