Thursday, September 27, 2012
Day 62: I Am Going Through a Personality Realization
This is a continuation to Day 61: Taking Things A Little Too Personally?
Walking FEAR Dimensions of The Taking It Personally Character
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/diminish myself in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity that presents itself, because I immediately/instantaneously want/desire to mind-project myself on this pedestal as being superior/more than/intelligent - in this when/as anyone/anything brings forth any actual practical-insight, I immediately/instantaneously participate/experience/react as though this person/whomever that is bringing up the point is to purposely/deliberately "make me" experience myself as inferior/less than/stupid, within this I've not considered/taken into consideration/account that even if the person/whomever or whatever that was bringing the point forward had nothing to do with myself, because obviously if we continuously used/abused people or whatever to not allow ourselves to actually have a self-realization in the moment within and as the practical-insight that is coming forth, then that has absolutely nothing to do with someone deliberately/purposely wanting/desiring to abuse someone else, therefore, all abuse that I assume/perceive that is occurring the moment/breath/chance/opportunity that presents itself that I am experiencing/participating/reacting to//towards the person/whomever or whatever that is bringing up the point in the moment, is always self-abuse to purposely/deliberately not allow myself in the moment to actually have a self-realization to equalize myself within and as myself; absolutely and specifically, because it doesn't there is no such thing as a valid/non-valid point, because every point that presents itself in the moment is always a door of opportunity to slowly but surely humble myself to immediately/instantaneously experience/participate/react in spitefulness because I am wanting/desiring to apparently be/become superior/more than/intelligent, therefore, I now see, realize and understand that it's time to get real within and as myself to in-fact understand/investigate/realize that when/as someone or whatever is bringing up a point has absolutely nothing to do with someone else, because I am the one at the end of the day that makes the choice/decision to stand here within and as this physical reality to do everything in my delusional power to not come to a self-realization, because this what I am essentially doing: Taking everything very personal to not allow myself to realize who I am/could be, I allow myself to take everything purposely/deliberately because I didn't self-will myself to understand that all what I was doing/all that I was fearing was not realizing the actuality of the point that was coming forth in the moment, because I would inevitably read the point of no return, wherein I would no longer remain fearing myself/who I am/have become/could be and become to in-fact live here in practical-insight when/as the moment presents itself and in every moment that I am self-aware of my breath to be/become a humble human being.
When and as I see myself judging/diminishing myself in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity that presents itself, because I immediately/instantaneously want/desire to self-create this persona/character/personality that I am superior/more than/intelligent, therefore, when/as this point comes up a stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I now see, realize and understand that I am in actuality creating an inevitable time-loop for myself that will only lead to compromise/self-sabotage, because I am in actuality wanting/desiring to mind-project myself in this pedestal as being superior/more than/intelligent to remain in the idea/belief/perception/assumption that if I remain wanting/desiring this "more" that I will actually be moving myself or essentially actually growing in some way, wherein I am moving from one polarity of/as experiencing/participating as being less than/inferior/stupid to/towards being/becoming more than/superior/intelligent, not seeing, realizing/understanding that I am in actuality remaining the same (from the perspective of changing/transforming myself to not be/become the same every day presenting myself in the moment as a mere character/persona/personality), because I am creating this idea/belief/perception/assumption that I am somehow moving or growing as a human being to apparently live my life out as this idea/belief/perception/assumption of/as "attainment" or "fulfillment" - in this I will experience/participate/react as being less than/superior/stupidity when/as anyone shows/reveals to myself that the point that was being showed/revealed was in actuality a door of opportunity that I lost, because I was too busy trying/attaining/attempting to be/become "attained" or "fulfilled," by/through playing this enlightened character/personality/persona that was on this quest of knowledge/information that was actually here/has always been here, therefore, I commit myself to bring myself back to this world/reality to no longer judge/diminish myself in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity that presents itself, because I immediately want/desire to place/project myself as being superior/more than/intelligent, when/as someone or something is bringing about a point that needs/requires change/direction, therefore, I allow myself to stop to in-fact understand/realize/investigate that I was merely living my life out as this idea/belief/perception/assumption of/as "attainment" or "fulfillment" was in actuality a scapegoat to remain doing everything in delusional power to look/search/seek/find a MORE to not actually come to a self-realization that is here/has always been here.
energy point to energy, allowing myself to delude who I am/have become throughout my life that I am in-fact living, all because I never realized/understood/investigated that the practical-insights that would present themselves in my world and reality were in actuality door of opportunities that I didn't take to live within and as myself, to in-fact equalize myself here in this life; absolutely and specifically.
To Be Continued...