Saturday, September 22, 2012

Day 60: Is This Really Me?

This is a continuation to Day 59: My Own Worst Enemy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/diminish who I am, to the point that I will react in guilt/shame/regret, in this I've allowed myself to actually mind-project who I am/have become as inferior/bad/wrong because I am in actuality playing the morality card, because I assume/perceive that if I apparently am no longer living as the who I am that I've carried so much weight/wait, then I will be ME that is superior/good/right, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I have self-created the idea/belief/perception/assumption that if I am not apparently being/becoming I shouldn't/should be, I will then carry polarities to who I am/have become in a moment, therefore, I allow myself to realize/understand/investigate that I've merely carried so much weight/wait to myself, because I was only playing a game of/as an character/personality/ME to ever actually be/become humble for the first time, therefore, I now see, realize and understand that if/when I am judging/diminishing myself to the point that I experience/participate/react in guilt/shame, I MUST get down to the nitty gritty because a point doesn't suddenly/out of nowhere pop up to the point that it compounds/fuels/powers itself more and more, and so I allow myself to in-fact stop, breathe and bring myself back here, because if/when I see myself creating division/separation/friction within and as myself, I stop, because I am the one at the end of the day that makes the choice/decision what goes on inside of myself, within this I allow myself to consider/taken into consideration/account that judging/diminishing myself is in no way a practical-solution, therefore, when/as I see myself judging/diminishing myself/reacting in guilt/shame/regret because what I am seeing in myself in the moment, I take a deep breath, apply the 4-count breath to get back to the basics to in-fact realize that I am here/have always been here, therefore, it's pointless/meaningless to perpetuate/compound/fuel/power the point further.

I now see, realize/understand that if/when I see myself judging/diminishing myself to the extent that I participate/experience/react in regret/shame/guilt, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I now see, realize and understand that if/when I compound/perpetuate/fuel/power a point further, I stop, take a deep breath and apply the 4-count breath, I allow myself to realize/understand/investigate that if/when I am allowing myself to react further to a point, I realize that the point did not pop up suddenly/out of nowhere, but has been created over a period of time to the point that I will have reactions to the actuality of not being/becoming humble, to in-fact realize that who I am starts within and as myself, therefore, it's up to me to actually create solutions in my physical reality to not create unnecessary conflict/friction/separation/division, therefore, I commit myself to give myself the time throughout my days to write out points to actually walk the talk within and as my physical reality, to in-fact breathe here and apply the 4-count breath if/when I see myself in the moment judging/diminishing who I am/have become/reacting/participating/experiencing guilt/regret/shame in relation to judging/diminishing who I am/have become/could be/become, therefore, I allow myself to actually create solutions for myself on my day to day basis to no longer create endless polarities of superiority/good/right and inferiority/bad/wrong to realize/investigate/understand that if/when I continuously allow myself to play-out polarities, I stop myself, apply the 4-count breath to realize/understand/investigate that I always have the choice/decision to stand here, to no longer remain hating myself for eternity.

When and as I see myself judging/diminishing who I am/have become the the extent that I experience/participate/react in guilt/shame/regret, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I now see, realize and understand that I am in actuality self-aware/always self-aware of what I am participating/experiencing/reacting to in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity, therefore, I allow myself to take the moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here to stop, take a deep breath and apply the 4-count breath, because I've self-created the point of how I see myself throughout the years over an extended period of time, and so it will take just as much time to stop myself from judging/diminishing myself to the point that I experience/participate/react within and as regret/shame/guilt,therefore, I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I am experiencing/participating/reacting within and as regret/shame/guilt because I am self-aware of who I am/have become, and so I knew that if I continuously experience/participate/react in regret/shame/guilt that it would be the perfect justification/excuse/scapegoat to give up on myself because I see myself as the polarity make up of energy, inferiority/bad/wrong and/or superiority/good/right.

I commit myself to in-fact stop carrying the weight/wait of/as the FEAR I hold over myself in relation to the judgment/diminishment and reactions of regret/shame/guilt, because I was only in the end participating/experiencing/reacting in FEAR, because all I've seen myself throughout my life was an polarity make up of energy, inferiority/bad/wrong and/or superiority/good/right, therefore, I haven't seen myself at all because I've been too busy sabotaging/compromising who I am/could be, because of an self-sabotaging cycle of polarity to the point that all I see is all I've become throughout my life/process, therefore, I allow myself to stop, take a deep breath and realize/understand/see that the FEAR I hold over myself can stop if I actually want it too, and so I allow myself to stop making justifications/excuses/scapegoats purposely/deliberately for myself to continuously live my life stringing by a wheel of polarity going absolutely nowhere.
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