Friday, August 3, 2012

Day 17: Morality is a Bitch


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in the I am a good person character when a picture of my parents telling me that if I'm not a good person I'll go to Hell - within this I experience fear of what would happen if I didn't behave/did behave what my parents believed was a good person because I think/imagine of all the possible things that they could of think/believe was apparently bad/negative/wrong and so I allow myself to always in every moment of every breath spend my time trying/attaining/attempting to be this idea/projection of what my parents thought/believed was good/positive/right because I fear being punished for merely expressing/sharing myself in a moment because of fearing going to Hell - within this I was thinking/believing that if I didn't try/attain/attempt to be and become this good person that I would be punished that I wasn't good enough to be a good person - that how I performed in this planet was not good enough because I didn't have enough morality and so I didn't see, realize and understand that I can never/will never be able to be and become a good person because it always revolved around some idea/belief/assumption of what/wasn't a good person should or shouldn't be - I now see, realize and understand that if I always spend my life trying/attaining/attempting to be a good person CharACTer then I will forever be just another person living my life to some idea/belief/assumption of what is apparently bad/negative/wrong or good/positive/right - therefore - will be just another person living in fear of consequences that only revolved around polarities to maintain the self-sabotage pattern to forever become Life - to forever get my head out of my ass and not allow myself to limit myself to some ideology that I can never be and become because it revolved around the polarities of energy that always involves sticking from positive to negative - therefore - The Good Person CharACTer maintains its standing within and as me by/through what others think/believe isn't/is a Good person and what is a Bad Person and so I allow myself to live my life based on the reactions that I'm being given to how good/bad I play my polarity game of The Good Person CharACter - I do not accept to allow myself to continue play this game that only revolved around how people react/don't react to my CharACTer just so I don't have to face myself - I mean, when I look at the word Hell all I see is consequences and so I have to allow myself to direct myself to take my power back and finally see, realize and understand that I have to take self-responsibility for all I've accepted myself to be and become - what I accepted myself to limit myself as when I could've been walking out of my mind and into the physical to finally in-fact become Life - to finally allow myself to understand that there will always be consequences if it never involves the value of Life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fearing consequences at this point is completely ludicrous because always trying/attempting/attaining to be and become this good person CharACTer only revolved around myself allowing consequences because I allowed myself to play a CharACter that involved not facing myself to finally face the consequences in-fact to what is here in this physical reality - within this I'm not taking into consideration that consequence exists in every moment of every breath because there is no other way then to embrace everything in this physical reality because its what I allowed in the first place - I now see, realize and understand that if I don't face the consequences in this world/reality then this world will continue the way it is because its what we've become - ALL of it - therefore - fearing consequences is what actually perpetuates/compounds this world/reality to always reveal/show what we as humanity have allowed ourselves to be and become - within this I have to finally take into consideration that this physical reality is a mirror of ourselves to what we've allowed ourselves to limit ourselves as to in-fact face myself to understand that there is no other choice to face the consequences - I do not accept or allow myself to fear consequences because I knew within myself that consequences always involves facing myself to understand that I'm completely self-responsible in every moment of every breath in this physical reality - There is no escaping this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach/connect being and becoming the Good Person CharACTer to/towards being at Church because I allowed myself to trust what my family thinks/believes is a Good Person - therefore - I went to Church because my family told me that if I didn't God would be mad at me and so I feared yet again punishment/consequences - within this I allowed myself to put trust into something outside of me because I knew within myself that it was never about trusting my parents but finally trusting myself to see, realize and understand that consequences doesn't have to involve polarities of good/bad but facing myself to understand that consequence is merely myself facing what I've become - to in-fact take self-responsibility and not put trust in God/Parents because of not committing myself to myself - I now see, realize and understand that going to Church because of fearing punishment/consequences is completely ludicrous because I'm perpetuating/compounding the consequence of myself to not face myself in the moment to in-fact take self-responsibility for putting trust in outside sources - I do not accept or allow myself to continue fearing facing punishment/consequences because of trusting who I am/could be in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to Church because I was trying to find/search for myself in a way - not seeing, realizing and understanding that there is nothing to search/find because I'm already here and have always been here - therefore - going to Church is simply a point for myself to understand how/why I'm separating myself from myself because of hoping that something within the idea/belief/assumption of Church would allow me to see myself more clearly - within this I'm not understanding that if I cannot see myself in any moment then I'm obviously hiding/suppressing who I am/could be because of always projecting myself outward for not actually looking within myself and simply being with myself to see that's enough - I now see, realize and understand that I can go to Church every day for the rest of my life and I will still be searching/finding myself because its impossible to search/find something when its always here in every moment of every breath - therefore - I allow myself to be with myself to not project myself outward to always look for some magnificent experience that will allow me to magically be a good person to finally find myself - I do not accept to allow myself to continuously search/find myself because of not willing myself to actually be here in every moment because if I'm actually here in the moment then there is nothing to search for/find because nothing was missing in the first place - I was/have been already here the entire time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect/attach the I give up character to a picture of my family members telling me how much they love me because I always behave - within this I'm limiting myself to how my family members view how a person should/shouldn't behave in a moment, instead - of actually expressing/sharing myself in a moment because of wanting/desiring someone to love me because I didn't allow myself to love myself to simply express/share myself without any energetic ideas/beliefs of how one should/shouldn't behave and so I allow myself to simply breathe and bring myself back here to see, realize and understand that the love that my family members spoke about only revolved around an idea/belief of how a person should/shouldn't be and not loving someone unconditionally - therefore - I was actually searching/finding something that has no substance/life because it only was an energetic experience that was in the end another CharACTer and had nothing to do with Love.
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