|USF Sustainability and Social Justice Symposium (USF_sustainability_06) (Photo credit: shawncalhoun)|
My relationSHIT to/towards Trust was what I thought/believed made/must of made myself be/become something/someone outside myself, I mean, throughout my life I had never correlated trust within and as self-trust because I always assumed/perceived that I needed/required someone/something outside myself to be/become trustworthy - only I had never understood that wanting/desiring someone/something outside myself to rely on to be/become trustworthy was an aspect/part of myself that I never actually embraced within and as myself. Trust can never/will never be able to exist if I'm continuously screwing myself/others in the process to not get the nitty gritty, that I'm in essence trying/attaining/attempting ti place/project trust onto someone/something outside myself because even as a child that was what I considered/taken into consideration what trust suppose to be - therefore - Trust has always involved myself NOT relying on who I am/have always been in a moment to simply express myself to in-fact in actuality understand that I do not need/require anyone/anything to give me some sort of comfort that I am not alone because I am afraid to actually trust myself in the moment. Looking at my Life when/as I assumed/perceived I was being (apparently) trusting to myself it was only from an energetic starting-point outside myself that made me (apparently) experience myself a certain way to the point that I actually thought/believed that this is me trusting myself - therefore - Trust has always been myself assuming/perceiving that I need/require someone/something outside myself to in essence just be in the moment to express/share myself and have no judgments and/or take anything personal, I mean, trusting ourselves is what allows ourselves to speak up in the moment or to even take that ONE breath in every ONE moment, and so its trust that allows ourselves to understand that trust is a key ingredient of being the self-directive principle of our lives to actually make the one choice/decision to walk this process of walking out of our minds and into and as this physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in TRUST to such an extent because I assumed/perceived that TRUST was in essence Self-TRust, and so I never considered/taken into consideration that TRUST is how/why I've allowed myself to separate myself from myself to not in-fact be/become the self-directive principle of my Life because I assumed/perceived that I needed/required someone/something outside myself to make a choice/decision to stand here absolutely - within this I didn't see, realize or understand that TRUST is a self-deception if it doesn't involve self-trust as making the choice/decision to what is best for all or simply being self-dishonest in the moment - therefore - there can never/will never be able to be something/someone that allows me to TRUST myself to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life because it wasn't me in the end that made the choice/decision to stand in the moment as Self-Trust because I placed/projected TRUST onto someone/something outside myself to not in-fact stand here absolutely not needing/requiring anyone/anything to tell me what to do in a moment, and so I allow myself to simply TRUST myself into and as the moment as Self-Trust - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely living my life based on TRUST to ensure that I don't have to face the fact that I was never trusting anyone/anything in the first place because it was the starting-point of energy to ensure that I don't realize for myself that I have never actually in-fact trusted myself or myself as another - within this I now see, realize and understand that Trust can only exist unless it involves the group of Life to self-trust ourselves as All as one as Equal to what always is considering/taking into consideration Equality & Oneness.
|Dr. Elizabeth V. Upham (Photo credit: Lucius Beebe Memorial Library)|
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that I need/require to TRUST someone/something outside myself because I was in actuality purposely/deliberately trying/attaining/attempting to TRUST someone/something outside myself to RUST myself from the inside and out to never consider/take into consideration that the trust I've always thought/believed was real was in actuality I lie to NOT be gentle within and as myself to ensure that I allow myself to take my stance within and as myself that all I require is my own Self-Trust to realize that all it takes is a choice/decision that is Best for All Life - to finally slowly but surely take self-responsibility that TRUST has only been the perfect scapegoat for ourselves to continue assuming/perceiving that TRUST implies rusting ourselves from the inside and out to not understand that TRUST is accumulated slowly but surely - therefore - I allowed myself to wait/waste/postpone another breath/chance/opportunity that could've been spent assisting/supporting myself to in-fact be here as breath to ensure that I accumulate Self-Trust to NOT abdicate my self-responsibility to be/become a Self-Willed Equal to NOT be/become a mere organic robot always searching/finding/seeking the next situation/person to place/project the trust we actually want/desire for ourselves or the trust we believe we deserve - I now see, realize and understand that continuing living my Li (f) e waiting/waiting/postponing my Life/Process is pointless/meaningless because I wasn't doing myself any service to myself or Life but to DIS-SERVE Life to never in-fact STOP the self-sabotage cycles that only involved rusting ourselves from the inside and out to ensure that TRUST always involved lying to ourselves to never simply TRUST ourselves in the moment to be/become the Service to Life to understand that the trust we think we deserve or the trust we want/desire for ourselves only involved TRUST that will condemn the Ser - VICE to Life to in-fact STOP the madness of our minds to understand that TRUST always considers/takes into consideration LIFE - NOT a program that was only FEAR to remain enslaved/limited to just another CharACTer or situation/person that never gave us any Trust in the first place because it in essence has absolutely nothing to due with Trust, and so Life wasn't taken into consideration in any shape/form.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that TRUST only involved the starting-point trying/attaining/attempting to find/search/seek for the TRUST we thought we de-SERVED or the trust we in essence wanted/desired - to never see, realize or understand that TRUST has become the perfect justification/excuse to never take self-responsibility to ensure that everything is fine and dandy because the TRUST we actually have in the first place is apparently acceptable/a natural part of life to always remain in a tight mind-bubble to never in-fact understand that we have done everything possible to maintain the madness in ourselves to deliberately/purposely to never understand that TRUST has become the perfect ingredient to maintain our CharACTers to never bring about any change to this world/reality because TRUST was never from the starting-point of being/becoming the self-directive principle of our lives - to in-fact realize that everyone can have an opportunity to realize that TRUST as true Equality & Oneness that has always been a part of Life.
To Be Continued…