This is a continuation to Day 27: It's ALL God's Fault
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that if I don't believe in God then I will be punished in excruciating painful ways because I allowed myself to think/believe that God is the only way - within this I would imagine/project to a mere illusion to what would/wouldn't happen if I stopped believing in God because I would then fear what would/wouldn't happen if I somehow was fucking with myself that God was real and so when I would die God would be severely pissed off at me because I didn't believe in him when/as I was on Earth and that all the pain I went through was a test to see if I would still place/project faith/hope in God - therefore - I would time-loop to continuously think/believe that God is the only way because my starting-point was FEAR and so I would do everything in my delusional power to be/become a good little CharACTer because I didn't want to be punished in a excruciating torturous way - I now see, realize and understand that my entire starting-point of believing in God was FEAR to do everything to not face the consequences/punishment and so I have never connected the dots that if God was this benevolent being we wouldn't be facing our consequences/punishment within/as a starting point of complete petrification to merely seeing, realizing and understanding our self-responsibility within and as facing consequences/punishment by/through a starting-point of complete petrification is in essence another control tactic defense mechanism and is not in anyway showing/revealing the actualities of self-responsibility but a time-loop to thinking/believing God is going to basically guilt trip our asses to continue enslaving/limiting ourselves to a mere idea/belief of what does/doesn't happen in the After Life - I now see, realize and understand that what does/doesn't happen in the After Life is ludicrous because I was merely placing/projecting what I don't know as a control tactic to remain a mere slave/CharACTer because I was too busy worrying about what is/isn't going to happen in the After Life to the extent wherein I would live my Li (f) e in a complete starting-point of FEAR because of thinking/believing that if I don't think/believe that God is the only way that I will be punished in excruciating pain - therefore - I never considered now much pain my human physical body goes through on a daily-basis from my petrification of FEAR that I live throughout my day to day basis and so I was too busy focusing on what would happen/might happen instead of actually looking at what I can do in this very moment - to make the most of every single breath to finally decide who I am/could be - to finally in-fact make a decision that stands for Life - therefore - I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself that God is real and that if I don't believe that God is the only way that I will go through excruciating pain and so I allow myself to understand that my physical body and those that are suffering throughout the world are going through pain and so my whining/complaining backchat is pointless/meaningless because it never considered the actualities of pain that is happening here as I'm typing out these words.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that God has never/will never give a fuck about any of us as this physical reality is a confirmation that we must be our own Gods because all what we been doing is creating these what if scenarios within and as ourselves to stop ourselves to have a look at what we have become - within this whenever I would take a moment to seriously consider what is happening to this world/reality there would be this voice that I would allow that God will be severely pissed off and make me go through a lot pain and so I never considered/taken into consideration the pain that is occurring throughout the world and within and as ourselves because we have limited/enslaved ourselves to such an extent that we live in a starting-point of complete petrification of our own FEAR to maintain our illusion/delusion to remain fucking with ourselves for absolutely nothing - to merely remain worshipping some fucked up God that never existed in the first place - I now see, realize and understand that the FEAR I self-created was a scapegoat to always live my Li (f)e as though God will just reach out through and as the clouds and punish me and so I never had investigated that I was living my LIfE to a God that couldn't ever/never exist because how we as human beings have become and this physical reality is but another confirmation that there has never/ever been any God and so its time for us to become our own Gods - I do not accept or allow myself to continuously live my LIfE in a starting-point of complete petrification of my own FEAR that I created to purposely/deliberately spend my LIfE out of FEAR to continue fucking with myself my entire LIfE worrying about the next big thing I do will be dissected by God - therefore - I have never considered that what I do/don't do has everything to do with LIFE to how I will spend my time in this Earth to create a Life that is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to ever consider/take into consideration what is Best for All Life because I was too busy worrying about each and every action being good enough/not good enough for some God that was only self-created in my mind because I thought/believed that if I wasn't a good little CharACTer that God would put me through a torturous punishment/consequence at Death and so I never had spent every each and every action on what is Best for All Life wherein I must be self-honest to not continuously live my LIfE living out in complete petrification of my own FEAR because I was too busy focusing on the After Life and not what is Best for All Life - within this I never understood that myself wasting/waiting/postponing my Life/Process has nothing to do with God but to always live my life as though it will end in any moment because this physical reality is unexpected to who will and won't die because we all were too busy creating Gods within and as our minds to save ourselves apparently from self-responsibility and so we chose to live our lives throughout the starting-point of complete petrification of our own FEAR because we have been hiding/suppressing what it is were actually afraid of - therefore - this entire time all what I was fearing was myself to actually trust myself to no longer live my LIfE worrying about being something for someone because I now, see, realize and understand that its all I been doing throughout my Life/Process - trying/attaining/attempting to live my LIfE for someone because I have always been scared shitless to just be with myself to no longer live my LIfE for some God that never gave a fuck in the first place - I do not accept or allow myself to waste/wait for some God that never in the end had taken in the majority into account and so the only way for there to be no more FEAR to no longer live our LIvES in complete petrification of our own FEAR is to be our own Gods to understand that the only way for this world to work is a Life Equal for All wherein nobody will be governed by FEAR but a Life that is certain to be lived and expressed no matter what.
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