Friday, August 10, 2012
Day 23: Are You Sleeping Your Life Away?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep in for hours and hours because I think/believe I have nothing to live for and I might as well give up on life/myself in every possible way because I'll apparently fuck up my life anyway if were to really commit myself to Life - therefore - I allowed myself to participate in self-judgment that has become so much of myself to the extent wherein I diminish who I am/could be because of wallowing in belittling myself to not in-fact stand up and slowly but surely take my power back to myself and allow myself to breathe in every moment to see, realize and understand that I'm perfectly capable as anyone to be here in every moment of every breath and so myself deliberately/purposely making excuses/justifications for myself is on my part because I'm completely participating and experiencing self-defeat and self-victimization because I don't know to walk this process when everyone around me is constantly against me - therefore - I'm allowing my outer-reality to define and give value to who I am/could be because of not knowing how to live my life anymore, I mean obviously none of us know how to live our lives because were constantly stuck in knowledge/information to never actually live what we say/don't say to stand as and so we spend/waste/wait/postpone our lives and sleep our lives away - therefore - I was merely against myself to in-fact change myself - to in-fact be/see myself in all ways because of not knowing - I now see, realize and understand there is nothing to know because all what knowing stand as is another way to waste/wait/postpone ourselves to really change and no longer sleep our lives away because of not knowing and truth be told I don't want to know because I no longer I allow myself to be and become another philosopher because I will myself to breathe in every moment of every breath to understand if I spend my life merely knowing I will be just another CharACTer sleeping my Life away to always participate and experience myself as someone that is inferior/unimportant to Life/Myself because I was too busy allowing my outer-reality dictate any chance/opportunity to really change myself to re-birth myself in the physical to understand I can actually walk this process - therefore - I allow myself to JUST DO IT because nobody can magically walk this process for me and even if that were the case I wouldn't be understanding what self-responsibility actually means to Give life to myself by/through waking myself up - breath by breath - step by step - A Process of Accumulation.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that sleeping my life away in bed for hours and hours is an indication that I'm literally sleeping my life away to my mind and not in-fact changing myself but only purposely/deliberately participating and experiencing judgment to the extent that I diminish myself to nothingness because I allowed myself to think/believe I am not good enough/capable to change myself for real - therefore - I would just go to sleep because I don't know how to live my Life anyway more because of what it has came to and so I understand that wallowing is pointless/meaningless because I allowed myself to belittle myself to the extent wherein I would not even allow myself to walk process to the best of my ability but continue laying in bed because I apparently don't have anything to live for, I mean obviously none of us have anything to live for at this point because were all constantly thinking/believing there must be something outside ourselves to think/believe that were good and ready to live and so I'm separating myself from myself because of assuming/perceiving that there must be someone/something to tell me what to do with my life/myself because I never in-fact lived before because all what I was doing throughout my life was sleeping for hours and hours and even when I was sleeping I was in my mind to remain like some fucking zombie that couldn't even see, realize and understand that I've been sleeping my life away forever because I never had looked at myself in self-honesty to understand that I was merely purposely/deliberately sabotaging any chance/opportunity I have to be a human being that can actually make a difference in this world to in-fact see such an opportunity/chance I have here in this moment to walk this process of walking out of my mind and into the physical - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that sleeping is a deliberate defense mechanism tactic for myself to literally remain sleeping throughout my Life by/through limiting/enslaving myself to participate and experience myself as nothing more and nothing less then another CharACTer that is perpetuating/compounding myself to continue wasting/waiting/postponing another Li (f) that could've been spent walking out of my mind and into the physical to slowly but surely create a world that is best for all life - therefore - I understand that if I'm sleeping my life away I'm also sleeping others away that never even had the chance to create life here in this physical reality based on reasons that cannot be justified in anyway, whatsoever - therefore - I understand that if I have to be motivated based on energy to move myself to be here in every moment of every breath then this is merely another confirmation of how I'm blinding myself to always remain another CharACTer sleeping to purposely/deliberately never change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that sleeping several hours a day is a valid justification/excuse because I'm well aware that all I require is six hours on a daily-basis because I knew all along that myself continuously feeding/powering/fueling the judgment CharACTer will only lead to diminishment and so I would allow myself to continue sleeping my life away because I allowed myself to think/believe that I'm inferior/unimportant and don't have what it takes to assist/support because I deliberately/purposely allowed sleeping to be the perfect scapegoat for myself to not in-fact change myself because apparently I don't know how to change myself because changing myself must involve knowledge/information to walk out of my mind and into the physical - therefore - I was merely creating the idea/belief that since I've been nothing more and nothing less then a CharACTer my whole life then I have no idea how to walk this process and so I never had taken into consideration that nobody in this world/reality has walked out of their mind and into the physical because we been too busy asleep to always remain participating in knowledge/information to apparently think/believe that we must know something outside ourselves in order to understand the point - therefore - it was never about taking on a piece of information to slowly but surely take the pieces back to myself to be in peace to reach self-realization to integrate the self-realization within and as self until its in-fact lived to understand that we as human beings have been always waiting/wasting/postponing our lives because of always placing/projecting hope/faith into the next thought that comes along to never actually change but look for some secret ingredient with and as the thought to never actually be here living what we realize to understand that sleeping is nothing more and nothing less then another defense mechanism to remain occupied/enslaved/limited to another CharACTer - when in actuality all what we been doing was waiting for ourselves to take that one breath that will change everything to understand that this process is the only way to not sleep our lives away.
To Be Continued...