I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in the I give up character because I compounded/suppressed//hid from the point in relation to emotional reactions I was participating/limiting myself to be and become: hopelessness/meaninglessness/overwhelmingness I didn't stop in the moment in my conscious mind and so I didn't take the self-directed decision to bring my power back to myself to create a solution for myself in practical-living - within this I allowed myself to participate/limit myself to the emotional reactions of hopelessness/meaninglessness because everything wasn't matching up to the expectations/ideas/beliefs/perceptions that I've created in my mind and so I allowed myself to give up on myself because of a mere picture-presentation that become bigger then myself that I allowed myself to diminish myself to nothingness - therefore - it came to the point where I would not participate in anything and if I did it wouldn't be to my utmost potential but forced because I gave up on myself because of the expectations/ideas/beliefs/perceptions didn't match up to the picture-presentation that I envisioned my life to be and become - within this I allowed myself to sulk into a bottomless pit of depression because my life wasn't the picture-presentation I want/desired my life to be because of a mere idea/belief/expectation/perception that literally became me and so I wouldn't allow myself to live my life in anyway but continue living a Lie that had to fit a picture that was in the end comparison of how everyone in my outer-reality is living their Li (f) e - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely living my Life based on a Li (f) e because if I actually live my Life based on no expectations/ideas/beliefs/perceptions then all what will remain is myself and so I will be the self-directive principle of my life and if my Life doesn't work out by/through making the decision to step by step - breath by breath - apply myself that I would somehow take it personally because before my Li (f) e was nothing more and nothing less then a preprogrammed robot directing my life and so I split myself into two - to not see, realize and understand that I'm always the self-directive principle of my life and being afraid of not living my life based on no picture-presentations is ludicrous because I have always been responsible for how/why my world operates - therefore - this shows/reveals just how much I've separated myself from Life because I have created the idea that I'm only responsible for my Life when I'm not in my mind - within this I'm not understanding that in every moment of every breath that I'm either aware or unaware is still a breath/chance/opportunity for myself to stand up and really live my Life to my fullest potential - I decide to take my power back to myself to in-fact be the one that is in the front seat of my Life and not some expectation/idea/belief/perception that only led to the I give up character in the end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in the I give up character to such an extent that my life becomes consumed of a bottomless pit of depression because I didn't allow myself to understand that my life can never/will never be able to be and become a picture-presentation because the starting-point was never what was best for all/myself - within this I allowed myself to spend hours and hours in my room participating in self-victimization/self-defeat because I didn't stop and create a solution for myself in practical-living- within this I allowed myself to wait/postpone process because of a mere picture-presentation wasn't matching to the expectation/idea/belief/perception that I envisioned my life to be and become - not seeing, realizing and understanding that each breath/chance/opportunity I don't take become of wallowing in some fucked up expectation/idea/belief/perception is just a confirmation of how I've allowed myself to give up when the going gets tough because I can spend my entire life wallowing depression and it won't change anything - therefore - I allowed myself to wait/waste/postpone another breath/chance/opportunity that could've been spent assisting/supporting myself to in-fact see, realize and understand that if spend my life envisioning what it must be it will just turn into another expectation/belief/idea/perception and so I'll be on some search that was impossible because the starting-point was energy to try/attain/attempt to be and become a pretty picture-presentation that always turned/transformed into another picture-presentation and so as long as I live my life within this starting-point I will be digging my own grave because I will be just another person that falls into the I give up CharACTer because I allowed myself to submit to the hopelessness/meaninglessness to not in-fact stand up but be another whiner/complainer that spends him/her Life in complete depression because of always envisioning for the next miraculous quick-fix that will bring about some change outside self - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that wallowing in depression is just another wasted breath/chance/opportunity to reach the Door of Opportunity that was/has always been here but I was too busy envisioning my life to be and become some cookie cutter picture that I become completely separate from Living/Life and so wallowing in depression would have to be one of the most stupidest things ever because it in no way brings about any change to Life/myself and so is only another excuse/justification to not get my head out of my ass to understand that the Depression I experience is just another experience and so I have the power to change my world/reality because I am/have always been the self-directive principle of my Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that when I am experiencing and participating in the I give up character that I'm only responsibly for my Life when I'm not in my mind - therefore - the decisions that I take in my Life - the decision I chose to submit to the I give up CharACter because of some mere emotional reactions of hopelessness/meaninglessness when I'm in my mind are apparently acceptable - not seeing, realizing and understanding that in every moment of every breath, rather self-aware or unaware I'm self-responsible for what I limit myself to be and become and so even when I'm participating in the I give up CharACTer I made the decision/choice to limit myself as a mere Actor and so there are no excuses/justifications because I knew within that moment/chance/opportunity exactly what I was doing to myself - I was hiding/suppressing the point that I limited myself to the I give up CharACter because I didn't give a fuck about Life but only my precious CharACTer to maintain because I actually wanted to participate in the hopelessness/meaninglessness because it provides me with the perfect excuse/justification to not stand up but only wallow in depression because of my life not working out - I now see, realize and understand that I always have a decision in every moment of every breath to either be self-honest or self-dishonest - Time to Walk the Talk.
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