I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in the I give up character to such an extent that my physical body would react because I didn't stop the thought in the moment in my conscious mind and so I compounded/suppressed/hid from the point further because I didn't stop and create a solution for myself in practical-living - within this I allowed myself to wait/postpone to transcend the point until my physical body actually starts showing/revealing what it is I'm doing to myself to connect the dots to what I've been allowing within myself - not seeing, realizing and understanding that if I continue waiting/postponing to face points that I created to the point that my physical body starts experiencing pain then I know that I'm using and abusing my physical body as a religion of self because I didn't allow myself to just stop, breathe and bring myself back here and so I allowed myself to suppress/hide/compound the point in the moment because I justify/excuse myself to not take self-responsibility in the moment because I can always write out the point later or wait/postpone my process in general until the point comes up again for myself to transcend - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely not transcending points in the moment even when I'm aware of the thoughts in my conscious mind I allow myself to compound/hide/suppress the point to not in-fact stand up but use/abuse the pains from my physical body as the perfect excuse/justification to not stop, breathe and bring myself back here to understand that I'm perfectly capable of stopping the thought in the moment and I certainly don't require/need to put my physical body in pain because of my own ignorance to not stand up in the moment purposely/deliberately to forever more participate in the I give up CharACTer - I do not accept or allow myself to remain a character that is always craving/wanting/desiring another CharACTer to validate/justify him/her's existence to never in-fact stand up in the moment to stop the enslavement of myself to finally in-fact understand that I have the power to stop myself in every moment of every breath - therefore - I decide who I am and who I could be in every moment of every breath to in-fact stop the bondage of my mind and to realize that how I experience myself as a slave to my mind is what I actually allowed myself to become one and equal to/towards and this is not acceptable in anyway, whatsoever - I have to stop this madness of myself to think/believe that I will always and will forever be a slave to the CharACTers in my mind - to always think/believe I will remain a CharACTer and so I allow myself to stop in this moment to see, realize and understand that I'm finally going to put myself out of work to never in-fact always search/find outside myself the perfect scenarios to how I should perform within the various CharACTers that I suit up in the moment to finally embrace myself to understand that I have a choice in every moment of every breath to in-fact stop and decide in every moment of every breath that I can stop - I can become Life.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in every moment of every breath I decide who I want to be or who I could possibly, instead - I allowed myself to participate and experience myself as nothing more and nothing less then the I give up character because I allowed myself to think/believe that I don't have the power to stand up in a moment to understand that in every moment I am here and so in every moment I have the choice to face myself - to in-fact understand that I decide who I want to be or who I could be and me not seeing, realizing and understanding this point is a mere confirmation of how I split myself in two to be and become a CharACTer to always wait/waste/postpone my life/process to some religion of self but this time it involved pain from my physical body because I didn't allow myself to stop the thought-dimension of the I give up character in the moment and so I allow my entire life/process become the I give up character because I had taken one breath to decide that I didn't want/desire to stop a thought in the moment - therefore - I didn't see, realize and understand that even in the moment that I allowed myself to not stop the thought in one breath was in-fact a decision/choice that I made and so myself assuming//perceiving/justifying/excusing myself from the point that I can't stop myself in the moment because I have no decision/choice is pure contradiction to not understand that in every moment I have the choice to stop and to face myself to finally in-fact allow the madness to stop - I now see, realize and understand that I allow myself to be and become the I give up CharACT to such an extent that I allowed myself to think/believe that I don't have the decision/choice to stop thoughts in the moment and so I've allowed the I give up character become a part of myself the point that I thought/believed that I'm entirely a slave to my mind and its impossible for me to only face a point until my physical body starts experiencing pain in the moment - I do not accept or allow myself to think/believe that I don't have a choice/decision to stop participating in the mind in a moment but even within this if I give myself the choice/decision to stop participating in my mind then that will allow a backdoor for myself to not stop and face the point in the moment because I think/believe that there is always a choice/decision to wait/waste/postpone process to never in-fact take the ultimate decision/choice in one moment to never allow myself to be and become another CharACTer that never gives a fuck about anything but searching/finding something outside self to allow other CharACters to validate/justify that I'm the best CharACTer in the world and so I don't have to make the decision in the moment because I can remain just another CharACTer waiting for another scene to play in.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I allow myself to think/believe there is a choice/decision to stop participating in my mind in the moment then that allows me to create a scapegoat/backdoor for myself because I allowed myself to think/believe that I have the choice/decision in the moment to decide who I want to be or could be in the moment by/through stop participating in the mind, instead - I didn't take into consideration that if I allow myself to assume/perceive that I have the choice/decision to not stop in the moment then that means I can waste/wait/postpone for another moment of breath that will allow me to make the decision/choice to stop in the moment - not seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no other moment of breath that will magically allow me to understand that I have the choice/decision to stop in one moment to really commit myself to Life and so every moment of every breath is here for myself to understand that breath is not some future mind-projection that will allow me to not give up on myself because I already been giving up on myself for quite some time because I even allowed myself to think/believe that every breath is somewhere else and that every breath will allow me to magically understand that I can make the one decision/choice to stop in one moment - therefore - there is no choice but to continue walking this process to see, realize and understand that al it takes if for myself to will myself to understand I don't have to live my Life as some CharACTer that will do everything seemingly possible to go into the lime light to want/crave/desire other CharACTers to validate/justify/excuse myself to forever remain just another CharACTer that will die and knowing that I could've stopped myself to actually make a change to not remain a slave to the I give up character because I decide who I am or could possibly be in every moment of every breath - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that if I continue thinking/believing there is this one breath that will make me realize how I'm limiting myself then I know that I even separated myself from breathing because I assumed/perceived that one breath will allow me to realize myself - obviously breath doesn't allow me to realize myself but I allow myself to realize myself as the breath in every moment of breath - A Process of Accumulation - I do not accept or allow myself to continue living my life as a choice/decision because there is no other choice/decision but to walk here in every moment of breath to actually decide that I have a decision and the only decision to walk this process of walking myself out of my mind and into the physical because I can not allow myself to continue living my life as though something magical will happen because I know within myself that there is absolutely nothing magical when it involves just another CharACTer that will do anything to remain the creator and so I allow myself to wake up because this world/reality is nothing but a preposterous place that we call Life because of the mere starting-point of thinking/believing that we will always remain just another CharACTer and so we allow ourselves to give up on ourselves and tell ourselves that I'm too busy living my LI (f) E - Are we really?
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