My relationSHIT to/towards Love was once a upon a time what I thought/believed made/must of made the world go round because I assumed/perceived that Love was how we as human beings evolve - I mean, there had to be some purpose/Destiny to why/how human beings are here (apparently) to why man has become nothing more and nothing less then the abuse we see walking on this Planet - only I never had understood that in order to understand what Love is/could be I must first see, realize and understand that if I'm an actual real, living - human being then Love is redundant because it is already understood on a level that is no longer trying/attaining to search/find Love outside self for another religion of self. Love for me has only always been this perfect justification/excuse to place hope/faith in someone/something outside myself because Love had always involved myself looking/searching/finding something that will make me somehow understand the nature of man - in other words I was understanding that Love can never/will never be able to exist within and as me if it involved FEAR - therefore - Love has always been the sugary goodness cover-up to never in-fact understand that it was FEAR to never face myself in any shape/form and so Love was the perfect scapegoat that allowed me to at least feel about what I was experiencing and participating in - therefore - FEAR in the first place was in actuality something to be at ease within and as me, because it always involved Love to always justify/excuse myself to who/what I've allowed myself to be throughout my Li (f) e. Looking at my Life how I have participated and experienced LOVE was to make others feel special/important to their relationSHIT with me and so I would participate in LOVE to cover up the FEAR I knew within myself - that my Li (f) e was absolutely meaningless/pointless and I was a robot for always hiding/suppressing how I've separated myself to/towards Li (f) e, I mean within and as the words, "I Love you,' they were never about Love but to spew more shit to/towards others because I would analyze their responses to the words and so I would continue spewing the words to cover up the FEAR to never investigate what Love actually means - therefore - Love has become nothing more and nothing less then an agreement between two people to justify/excuse our true nature and so that is how we as human beings have enslaved/limited ourselves for generations and so all what we do for the rest of our lives is accept the Love we think we deserve, in the process were DIS-SERVING Life because of ideas/beliefs/expectations we have about Love and what makes up Love based on how we were brought up, I mean how our Parents brings us up in the world/reality has an extensive amount of how we see/don't see Love - therefore - we spend our entire lives searching/finding the Love our Parents told us to find and if were not doing that were busy wasting/waiting for the Love that our Parents never gave us.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in LOVE to such an extent because I assumed/perceived that LOVE was the only way for human beings to evolve to bring about some sort of reason/purpose/Destiny to why/how man is here in this physical reality because it didn't make sense for me to assume/perceive that human beings are here for no apparent reason and it didn't make sense that this physical reality would be in so much chaos for no reason/purpose/Destiny - within this I allowed myself to participate/limit/enslave myself to merely an idea/belief about trying/attaining/attempting to fix what is here in this physical reality when in-fact I was separating myself from the solution the entire time because I never looked within myself to see how I've separated myself from what is here in this reality and what I've done to never allow myself to understand how I've separated myself from myself because of occupying/distracting/entertaining my mind - therefore - there can never be any/will never be able to be any reason/purpose/Destiny because the Destiny that exists at this moment is the Desteni of the Universe and so I allow myself to see, realize and understand that I can be my own Desteni to walk out of my mind into the physical and until I really start understanding that I'm here and have always been here then Love will be and become redundant because I allow myself to realize that LOVE has always been a part of Life and so there is nothing to find/search/seek for because I am Here - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely living my life based on some heart-wrenching soul-searching fiasco that can never/will never be able to go anywhere because I wasn't here in this moment breathing to understand that if I live my Li (f) soul-searching for some Evolution tactic I will always be searching/seeing/finding something that has/will never be here because I was always projecting outward to/towards this Universe to never understand the Desteni of Life - within this I now see, realize and understand that Evolution can never/will never be possibly because human beings have not been evolving and only D-Volving to/towards this physical reality wherein we see the current abuse that is just physical evidence of how we've been lying to ourselves and have only been living stupidity loops for what/has always been here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that human-beings are evolving because of looking at all the pretty technology advances and how this world/reality is turning into a mere robot mirror image of ourselves and so the robotic technology advances are a projection of ourselves to understand that we only been advancing ourselves in our systematic programs within and as ourselves and so there has not been any Evolution to/towards what is here in this physical reality - to finally slowly but surely taking self-responsibility that LOVE has only been the biggest Lie for ourselves to continue soul-searching for something/someone that never meant anything in the first place but to further compound/perpetuate the programs of the human being - therefore - I allowed myself to wait/waste/postpone another breath/chance/opportunity that could've been spent equalizing myself to/towards the systems within and as me to in-fact take responsibility and not allow myself to continue limiting/participating/enslaving myself within and as the systems because all what I'm doing in-fact is compounding/perpetuating the systems to be and become me even more to the extent wherein the programs start running rampant on autopilot in my conscious-mind and so this is just another physical-confirmation of how enslaved/limited we've become throughout generations of time to never stop ourselves to be and become the organic robot always searching/finding/seeking the next big fix to continue perpetuating/compounding the matrix within us all - I now see, realize and understand that continuing living my Li (f) waiting/wasting/postponing my Life/Process is pointless/meaningless because I was doing myself any service but only only the DIS-Service of Life to never in-fact stop the madness of my mind to understand that Evolution is impossible because it has been/always has been trying/attaining/attempting to find/search/seek for the next big truth that was always just another scapegoat for ourselves to continue hiding/suppressing Life/substance within and as ourselves to participate/limit/enslave ourselves to/towards the Love program that was only FEAR to remain enslaved/limited to just another CharACTer that had nothing to do with Life.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when LOVE is realized equal to/towards as Equality & Oneness then LOVE is redundant because its Lie is Equal and so LOVE was only/has only been another part/aspect of ourselves to justify/excuse ourselves to understand that when LOVE is unconditional it is simply already here as Life and so the soul-searching is completely pointless/meaningless because I was only trying/attaining/attempting to justify/excuse myself to what I've been creating, I mean - even looking at what LOVE has become is just another perfect example of how we as human beings have convoluted anything and everything into some cookie cutter scenario leaching off of Life to do anything in our delusional power to continuously go as far away from this physics reality as possible to never see the FEAR because of trying to redeem ourselves to spread our apparent love and light to have morality - to never see, realize and understand that LOVE has become the perfect justification/excuse to never take self-responsibility and its actually acceptable to participate in this in our world-system and its even considered normal to participate/limit/enslave ourselves within and as LOVE to always remain in a tight mind-bubble to never in-fact understand that we have done everything possible to maintain the madness in ourselves purposely/deliberately to never understand that LOVE has become the perfect ingredient to maintain our CharACTers to never bring about any change to the ones in this world/reality that are barely surviving to walk this process of walking out of our mind and into the physical to reach the Desteni of Life - to in-fact realize that everyone can have an opportunity to realize LOVE as true Equality & Oneness that has always been a part of Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place LOVE as this perfect justification/excuse to always excuse/justify myself to take self-responsibility for always placing hope/faith in someone/something outside of myself and so LOVE was actually FEAR because I was trying/attaining/attempting to find/search/seek for someone/something outside myself to save me because I knew within and as myself that I was covering/suppressing/hiding from the FEAR - therefore - LOVE has always been the sugary goodness cover-up to never in-fact understand that i was always FEAR to never face myself in any shape/form and LOVE was the perfect scapegoat that allowed me to at least feel good about myself to never face the totality of myself - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that using/abusing LOVE as my scapegoat is ludicrous because I was deliberately/purposely not facing myself to reach the point of no return - to in-fact create Life in this physical reality and allow the children to come to actually have a chance at Life to not remain an enslaved/limited CharACTer always waiting/waiting/postponing ones Life for some other CharACTer to validate me and make me feel good about myself to maintain the fuck up of LOVE - to cover up/hide/suppress how we actually been experiencing ourselves when were loving someone/something, were in essence FEARING ourselves to take our power back to ourselves to allow LOVE to be and become Equal in Equality & Oneness as Life - no more LIES!!!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/abuse LOVE to place the FEAR within and as ease because I allowed myself to cover up/hide/suppress the FEAR I experience because LOVE has always equalized to acceptable in society and FEAR was the opposite - therefore - I was trying/attaining/attempting to win in someway for me to be accepted in society to not be deemed as a loser because I was experiencing and participating in FEAR and so I would use/abuse LOVE to never in-fact face myself because I wanted/desired to do anything and everything to not face the truth of myself because I didn't want to lose and so I was playing a competition only with myself - therefore - I deliberately/purposely compromised myself in a moment to accept the FEAR and create a solution for myself because I was too busy in LaLa Land and so I was completely only in LOVE with the scapegoat to never face myself but only remain in my little mind-bubble to create Life on Earth because the children to come were below my priorities of remaining just another CharACTer - I now see, realize and understand that I cannot keep living my Life based on playing mind-games with myself just to not face myself - to face the FEAR that I experience 24/7 in my mind to justify/excuse myself to ever become a human-being worthy of Life and so hiding/suppressing what was actually going on with myself has nothing to do with society but my lack of care of Life because I was too busy in my mind finding/searching/seeking for the next high that would literally get me high within and as LOVE - Imagine that - We're all Drug Dealers.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and experience LOVE to make others feel special/important to their relationSHIT with me and so I would participate in LOVE to cover up who I was within and as my various relationSHITS with other people because I knew very well that all I was doing was perpetuating/compounding the FEAR within and as me because I didn't allow myself to understand that I was only trying/attaining/attempting to find myself in my relationSHITS and that somehow I could find some purpose/reason in my Li (f) e - not seeing, realizing and understanding that I was only compromising myself in the process because I didn't know what to do if I were to loose my relationSHITS, Would I lose all the LOVE and only experience and participate in the FEAR? And so I wasn't aware that I make the decision in every moment of every breath to what I do/don't exist as in the moment and so in the process I was trying/attaining/attempting to also make myself experience myself as special/important because if I could give that to someone else then I must of been worth something and so I was placing my self-worth completely outside myself to how someone reacts to the LOVE I give them to make them feel special/important - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that living my Li (f) based on people outside of me is completely pointless/meaningless because it was never about assisting/supporting myself to understand that I'm separating myself by/through defining and giving value to someone/something outside myself and so it was never about LOVE but only remaining a victim to FEAR to never face myself and so FEAR became a good thing for myself because it was how I allowed myself to continue never in-fact taking responsibility and placing myself in the shoes of another - therefore - I was another CharACTer looking/searching/finding my next big fix.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spew the words, "I Love you,' when I knew within and as myself I was only analyzing the responses to the words and so I would continue spewing the words to cover up the FEAR to never investigate what LOVE actually means - therefore - LOVE has nothing to due with two people assisting/supporting each other or everyone here in this physical reality assisting/supporting each other but only an agreement to continue justifying each other's nature so that we can continue enslaving/limiting ourselves for generations and so we can continue DIS-Serving Life just to remain another CharACTer fueling/powering the mind and so LOVE has become a part of the fame because we as human beings have agreed to LOVE each other in complete petrification of FEAR to accept each other's fucked up nature to never create anything worthwhile and so everyone in this world/reality has agreed to this unconsciously because we just LOVE spending our lives in complete ignorance and bliss to never see, realize and understand that the solution is here - therefore - LOVE has become the epitome of ignorance to remain playing a movie to spew shit to people that we don't even understand ourselves because were not even living it as an expression of ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that our ideas/beliefs/expectations begins with the Parents because our Parents show/reveal different parts of ourselves and so how/why Parents bring you up affects how we see/don't see LOVE - therefore - we spend our entire lives searching/finding the Love our Parents told us to find and if were not doing that were busy wasting/waiting for the LOVE that our Parents never gave us - therefore - it doesn't matter if our Parents didn't or did give us LOVE because we spent our lives trying/attaining/attempting to search/find/seek for the LOVE we were brought to suppose to have or never had in the first place and so we waste/wait for ourselves to understand that LOVE is has always been irrelevant because the starting-point was never Equality & Oneness but just another scapegoat to never in-fact understand that LOVE wasn't real in the first place because it always involved not understanding the inevitable: This Physical Reality - therefore - you have another wasted Life on something that always involved separation to never take into consideration Equality & Oneness as Love another as yourself, I suppose the Jesus Message was too much for us to handle.
To be Continued...
very cool! thanks
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