Friday, August 24, 2012

Day 35: What Have I Done To Myself...

This is a continuation to Day 34: My Entire Life Has Been A Sham
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that its natural/apart of Life to be/become a systematic slave because its all I've known throughout my Life because I was taught that THINKING is what allows to understand/comprehend what is happening within and as this world/reality, wherein - I was actually detaching/separating/removing myself more and more from this physical reality because as I continued to THINK to the extent that the thoughts would come up sporadically to the point that I was no longer the one that was directing the thoughts to survive in this world/reality because they would then come up automatically to the extent that I didn't understand or investigate where my thoughts are actually come from - within this I would just assume/perceive that its natural/apart of Life because my Parents taught me to do it, and so I go throughout my Life NOT questioning anything and everything because I placed/projected trust to/towards my Parents - therefore - thoughts would then run rampant in automation because I was no longer the one directing my Life but a system/program/CharACTer that did all the work so I could sit back within and as myself to not take practical action in common-sense to understand that if I'm not the one that is directing myself in every moment, then who the heck is? I now see, realize and understand that I was in actuality the one that made the decision/choice to be/become a system/program/CharACTer because I didn't stand up in anyway to stop the thoughts that came up in my conscious mind because I assumed/perceived that it was apparently natural/apart of Life because I analyzed/interpreted my outer-reality to what is apparently acceptable/non-acceptable, instead - of actually really investigating how/why I've allowed myself to feed into other people's bullshit because the picture-presentation seems natural/apart of Life, wherein - I knew all along that something was seriously fucked up the entire time - It was ME as All as One as Equal, SHIT! I allowed myself to assume/perceive tons of shit outside myself because nobody else was questioning anything and so I allowed the game to continue because I didn't see, realize and understand that I was also apart of the problem AND solution to in actuality not be directed by programs/systems/CharACTers - to actually forgive myself because I have held onto all these programs/systems/CharACTers for so long that I didn't be/become self-aware how much tension/pain my physical body was going through because its as though I was holding onto all this shit purposely/deliberately, and forgiving myself actually allows me to be/become lighter to not have tons of shit within and as me to in-fact move on with my Life.

When and as I see myself THINKING to attempt/try/attain to understand what is going within and as this world/reality, I stop and breathe. I now see, realize and understand that I was just detaching/separating/removing myself from this physical reality to purposely/deliberately NOT have to face this physical reality without the survival-instinct that I've allowed to be pre-programmed within and as me to never in-fact take a step back and investigate why/how I have trusted everything and everyone to allow myself to limit/enslave myself to never in actuality understanding that I have taught myself to NOT THINK, from the perspective of seeing a point that needs changed and doing the practical application into and as this physical reality to no longer assume/perceive that thoughts popping within and as my conscious-mind is in no way natal/apart of Life because I was merely analyzing/interpreting in my mind what is acceptable/non-acceptable to actually be/become a being that doesn't THINK but changes oneself to no longer stay some stupid regurgitated philosopher. I commit myself to stand up within and as me to no longer feed into other people's bullshit because its apparently natural/apart of Life because I have used/abused my outer-reality as a confirmation/validation and perfect excuse/justification to ever in-fact change because I was too busy trusting everyone and everything because everyone seemed to be doing the same thing - therefore - I commit myself to make sure that I no longer accept/non-accept something because the majority does/doesn't because that mean that I dictate my entire decisions/choices on what is apparently more acceptable in society to never in-fact be/become someone that actually thinks by/through not thinking at all - NOT THINKING MAKES YOU SMART!!!!!!!!!!

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that THINKING actually allows me to NOT understand absolutely nothing about this world/reality because all what it did was make me ignorant to how easy it is to have dimensional shifts within and as ourselves to never in-fact question what were actually learning from our Parents because it becomes apparently natural/apart of Life to always never question anything to be/become a good little CharACTer that never subjects to authority because I have allowed myself to be absolutely fearful of authority from the perspective that I was always taught that if I wasn't a good little girl I would be punished, and so THINKING was a part of the package to apparently survive in this world/reality, I mean, schools even encourage us to think and have tons of bullshitted thoughts that in no way have any actual practical solution because apparently by/through shoving tons of garbage within and as our minds and thinking tons of shit about it allows us to become smarter , wherein it only allows to regurgitate knowledge/information to never in-fact actually understand/comprehend what were learning - therefore - comprehension/understanding is pointless for a machine to actually see, realize and understand that we have only been living a complete Lie - if we were to actually comprehend/understand anything this world/reality would've of been Heaven on Earth already, and so this says a lot about ourselves to how we have actually become more stupid as the generations pass because we have self-created this idea/belief that having dimensional shifts to how/why something should/shouldn't be allows to live some fucked up version of how we should/shouldn't live our lives - I now see, realize and understand that fearing authority is pointless/meaningless because I understand that I'm fearing actually realizing that I have been nothing more and nothing less then a puppet to/towards authority, because I have subjected my power to NOT remain here to in-fact trust myself in the moment to just be here breathing, I mean, its obvious that as long as this world-system is here we will be subjected to these apparent rules and principles to how/why someone suppose to behave within and as this world but that doesn't mean I must subject my beingness to compromising myself in the moment to be/become a mere machine that is making the choice/decision to be self-dishonest - to not understand that the moment I allow myself to lose myself because of someone/something I'm a machine because I wasn't here in this moment limiting/enslaving myself in every possible way.

When and as I see myself compromising myself in the moment because of reacting in fear to NOT having any power to question anything and everything, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was merely screwing with myself the entire time because there is nothing to be or say in the moment because I am here, and so I have nothing to prove to authority figures that I'm not inferior/unimportant because I understand that I was merely apart of the game to react in the first place - I commit myself to understand that the moment I'm reacting to someone in authority it is there starting-point of wanting/desiring to be/become special/superior/important and my reaction of FEAR to never question this world/reality allows the authority figures to feed off of the hopelessness/uselessness that we experience in the moment as being someone that doesn't even matter - therefore - I commit myself to stand my ground and be humble to not instigate shit that is irrelevant in the first place because I cannot change/transform the authority's figures way of reasoning because I reason myself to be here to in-fact trust myself to not live in fear because of worrying that I cannot survive within and as this world/reality, and so I just trust myself to not think because thinking in the first place is what allowed all of us to create the separation/division between those in authority and those standing in the side-lines.

To Be Continued...
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