Day 16: I'm Already Dead

 This is a continuation to Day 13 and Day 14:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in the I give up character to such an extent that my physical body would react because I didn't stop the thought in the moment in my conscious mind and so I compounded/suppressed/hid from the point further because I didn't stop and create a solution for myself in practical-living - within this I allowed myself to wait/postpone to transcend the point until my physical body actually starts showing/revealing what it is I'm doing to myself to connect the dots to what I've been allowing within myself - not seeing, realizing and understanding that if I continue waiting/postponing to face points that I created to the point that my physical body starts experiencing pain then I know that I'm using and abusing my physical body as a religion of self because I didn't allow myself to just stop, breathe and bring myself back here and so I allowed myself to suppress/hide/compound the point in the moment because I justify/excuse myself to not take self-responsibility in the moment because I can always write out the point later or wait/postpone my process in general until the point comes up again for myself to transcend - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely not transcending points in the moment even when I'm aware of the thoughts in my conscious mind I allow myself to compound/hide/suppress the point to not in-fact stand up but use/abuse the pains from my physical body as the perfect excuse/justification to not stop, breathe and bring myself back here to understand that I'm perfectly capable of stopping the thought in the moment and I certainly don't require/need to put my physical body in pain because of my own ignorance to not stand up in the moment purposely/deliberately to forever more participate in the I give up CharACTer - I do not accept or allow myself to remain a character that is always craving/wanting/desiring another CharACTer to validate/justify him/her's existence to never in-fact stand up in the moment to stop the enslavement of myself to finally in-fact understand that I have the power to stop myself in every moment of every breath - therefore - I decide who I am and who I could be in every moment of every breath to in-fact stop the bondage of my mind and to realize that how I experience myself as a slave to my mind is what I actually allowed myself to become one and equal to/towards and this is not acceptable in anyway, whatsoever - I have to stop this madness of myself to think/believe that I will always and will forever be a slave to the CharACTers in my mind - to always think/believe I will remain a CharACTer and so I allow myself to stop in this moment to see, realize and understand that I'm finally going to put myself out of work to never in-fact always search/find outside myself the perfect scenarios to how I should perform within the various CharACTers that I suit up in the moment to finally embrace myself to understand that I have a choice in every moment of every breath to in-fact stop and decide in every moment of every breath that I can stop - I can become Life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in every moment of every breath I decide who I want to be or who I could possibly, instead - I allowed myself to participate and experience myself as nothing more and nothing less then the I give up character because I allowed myself to think/believe that I don't have the power to stand up in a moment to understand that in every moment I am here and so in every moment I have the choice to face myself - to in-fact understand that I decide who I want to be or who I could be and me not seeing, realizing and understanding this point is a mere confirmation of how I split myself in two to be and become a CharACTer to always wait/waste/postpone my life/process to some religion of self but this time it involved pain from my physical body because I didn't allow myself to stop the thought-dimension of the I give up character in the moment and so I allow my entire life/process become the I give up character because I had taken one breath to decide that I didn't want/desire to stop a thought in the moment - therefore - I didn't see, realize and understand that even in the moment that I allowed myself to not stop the thought in one breath was in-fact a decision/choice that I made and so myself assuming//perceiving/justifying/excusing myself from the point that I can't stop myself in the moment because I have no decision/choice is pure contradiction to not understand that in every moment I have the choice to stop and to face myself to finally in-fact allow the madness to stop - I now see, realize and understand that I allow myself to be and become the I give up CharACT to such an extent that I allowed myself to think/believe that I don't have the decision/choice to stop thoughts in the moment and so I've allowed the I give up character become a part of myself the point that I thought/believed that I'm entirely a slave to my mind and its impossible for me to only face a point until my physical body starts experiencing pain in the moment - I do not accept or allow myself to think/believe that I don't have a choice/decision to stop participating in the mind in a moment but even within this if I give myself the choice/decision to stop participating in my mind then that will allow a backdoor for myself to not stop and face the point in the moment because I think/believe that there is always a choice/decision to wait/waste/postpone process to never in-fact take the ultimate decision/choice in one moment to never allow myself to be and become another CharACTer that never gives a fuck about anything but searching/finding something outside self to allow other CharACters to validate/justify that I'm the best CharACTer in the world and so I don't have to make the decision in the moment because I can remain just another CharACTer waiting for another scene to play in.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I allow myself to think/believe there is a choice/decision to stop participating in my mind in the moment then that allows me to create a scapegoat/backdoor for myself because I allowed myself to think/believe that I have the choice/decision in the moment to decide who I want to be or could be in the moment by/through stop participating in the mind, instead - I didn't take into consideration that if I allow myself to assume/perceive that I have the choice/decision to not stop in the moment then that means I can waste/wait/postpone for another moment of breath that will allow me to make the decision/choice to stop in the moment - not seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no other moment of breath that will magically allow me to understand that I have the choice/decision to stop in one moment to really commit myself to Life and so every moment of every breath is here for myself to understand that breath is not some future mind-projection that will allow me to not give up on myself because I already been giving up on myself for quite some time because I even allowed myself to think/believe that every breath is somewhere else and that every breath will allow me to magically understand that I can make the one decision/choice to stop in one moment - therefore - there is no choice but to continue walking this process to see, realize and understand that al it takes if for myself to will myself to understand I don't have to live my Life as some CharACTer that will do everything seemingly possible to go into the lime light to want/crave/desire other CharACTers to validate/justify/excuse myself to forever remain just another CharACTer that will die and knowing that I could've stopped myself to actually make a change to not remain a slave to the I give up character because I decide who I am or could possibly be in every moment of every breath - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that if I continue thinking/believing there is this one breath that will make me realize how I'm limiting myself then I know that I even separated myself from breathing because I assumed/perceived that one breath will allow me to realize myself - obviously breath doesn't allow me to realize myself but I allow myself to realize myself as the breath in every moment of breath - A Process of Accumulation - I do not accept or allow myself to continue living my life as a choice/decision because there is no other choice/decision but to walk here in every moment of breath to actually decide that I have a decision and the only decision to walk this process of walking myself out of my mind and into the physical because I can not allow myself to continue living my life as though something magical will happen because I know within myself that  there is absolutely nothing magical when it involves just another CharACTer that will do anything to remain the creator and so I allow myself to wake up because this world/reality is nothing but a preposterous place that we call Life because of the mere starting-point of thinking/believing that we will always remain just another CharACTer and so we allow ourselves to give up on ourselves and tell ourselves that I'm too busy living my LI (f) E - Are we really?

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Day 14 - Giving up is all we've done - Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in the give up character to such an extent that it became backchat that I'm too useless - within this I'm creating ideas/beliefs that someone must be something in order to get something done - therefore - I allow myself to think/believe I'm not good enough/not capable of assisting/supporting myself because apparently I must be the idea/projection of what society thinks/believes is good/enough/capable to get something done because I allowed society to become my perfect justification/excuse to not assist/support - within this I knew exactly what I was doing when I was claiming/assuming I am/will always be too useless because I abdicated my self-responsibility deliberately/purposely for myself to remain in pure bliss because now I can sit on my ass and not do anything that will actually be practical for myself to assist/support myself to actually get everything done to the best of my ability - therefore - I now see realize and understand that claiming/assuming I'm not good enough/capable will only end up in me compounding the point further to the point of diminishment point, wherein - I think/believe I am too useless and in actuality I was only fueling/powering the I give up character to not get daily tasks/assignments done because I knew then that would come to the point that my entire life would change because I would no longer be a slave to/towards characters but have to direct myself to be and become something worthy of life - therefore - there is nobody to blame, certainly not society because I am part of society and so I'm part of the whole of this world/reality to bring change to actually get shit done and have no excuses/justifications but not try/attempt to bite off more then I can chew just to proof to myself that I'm not a character - I allow myself to understand that I'm not a character but I'm certainly not a God that can get everything done and that is why humanity is a group and so we walk together to become self-willed equals that do not wait for God to come and save our asses just so we don't have to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the I give up character that I would allow myself to participate and experience the backchat that I'm too useless - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and give value to the I give up character to such an extent that I would diminish myself to think/believe that I'm useless, I mean the point of thinking/believing I'm useless would have to be a pure statement of how much I separated myself from myself because of assuming/claiming that I'm the scum on Earth because I've allowed myself to think/believe I am useless -therefore - become a victim to this world/reality that I'm nothing and cannot do anything because of the belief/idea that some idea/belief is bigger then me outside myself and that's why/how I'm useless - not seeing, realizing and understanding that its everyone in this world/reality that have allowed and accepted the fact that they are useless, I mean if everyone in this world/reality accepted themselves then wouldn't this world be completely different? I allow myself to see, realize and understand that if i continue becoming one and equal to the uselessness and only see myself as this uselessness then I know that I'm completely responsible for this outer-reality and this outer-reality is revealing that which we've denied within ourselves: The Point of self-responsibility, because many of us have claimed/assumed that we already have responsibilities but we don't - not really - because the responsibility that everyone is living right now in this world/reality involves self-interest to always survive and do anything to survive to compete in this world/reality and obviously surviving at this point with out current Money-system is essential but not with the current starting-point were living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I don't have what it takes to get everything done to the best of my ability that I allow myself to become the I give up character - not seeing, realizing and understanding that I already have everything that I need within this moment because there is absolutely no excuse/justification to not get everything done to my utmost potential because as long as I am part of the Elite then I'm completely responsible to bring about a change to this world/reality and frankly the last thing this world needs is another character to fuel/power the matrix to not change this world/reality because of a mere character - I now see, realize and understand that I will always have what it takes as long as I have the essentials to support myself in this world/reality - therefore - I have to walk this process because the clock is ticking and characters of the mind aren't putting food in children's bellies and the characters of the mind certainly aren't providing any assistance/support to those in poverty and so there is no choice not to walk this process to walk out of mind into the physical at the point because this world/reality is no picnic and its certainly not what it makes it out to be, thus, Time to walk the talk - I do not accept or allow myself to make excuses/justifications for myself to give up myself because the most I accept this point I am giving up on life and so when I'm assuming/claiming that me giving up on myself will not hurt anybody this is just proof on how we as human beings have given up on life in every seemingly way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect/attach another dimension to the I give up character by/through participating and experiencing the backchat that I might as well wallow in depression because I don't deserve to support myself -therefore - I allow myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as deserving something but DIS-SERVING Life in every possible way to not stand up to actually understand that there are no victims because everyone here is self-responsible and giving up on ourselves will only allow the atrocity to continue endlessly - within this point I have to stop because this entire starting-point of humanity thinking/believing were al victims to the system is bullshit and will always be bullshit because we as humanity are actually relieved to the world-system doing all the work to enslave humanity for us to sit on our asses and complain/whine that all we are is victims and we cannot do anything - therefore - its this mind-set that has allowed us to never change this world/reality and stop the reLIEf to never take self-responsibility to always in-fact never bring about anything worthy of living because of always living the point of giving up - instead of not seeing, realizing and understanding that we as humanity have given up a long time ago and keep giving up and even the faces of children on the television starving to death or the death of a loved one from a drug-addiction still don't allow us to change this world/reality by/through changing ourselves and so all what we do is continue what we do best: Give up. Time to face the music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I am too stupid to get anything done to the best of my ability - within this I allow myself to think/believe that one must be the polarized opposite in order to get anything done and so I'm not taking into consideration that intelligence is what has slaved us for generations and what has actually made us stupid to give up on ourselves by/through always chasing/finding/attaining some sort solution that always involved some sort of formula that was always outside of self and never actually considered living knowledge/information for what is best for all - to in-fact understand that investigating this world/reality is the only way were going to bring any change to stop everyone to become just another philosopher that will soon be forgotten - I now see, realize and understand that the assumption/belief/idea that one must store enough information and recite it precisely and maybe only then I'm good enough/capable to get anything done to the best of my ability - therefore - I allow myself to stop the polarity of chasing/finding/attaining society's view of intelligence to in-fact bring about any change and so I allow myself to understand that knowledge/information has never/will never save humanity but only compound/perpetuate this world/reality to always remain enslaved to knowledge/information that we never even understood in the first place. How can someone understand knowledge/information when they aren't living it?

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that its knowledge/information that has become the key ingredient to the I give up character because that is all what people do in their lives in our current world-system: chase/find/attain some knowledge/information because we gave up on ourselves and we knew and so we've chased/found/attained some point of knowledge/information to hide/suppress the point of not taking self-responsibility and so chasing/finding/attaining this knowledge/information would somehow make up for/cover up what which we always knew within ourselves that we've always given up on Life in every way possible - therefore - I now see, realize and understanding that this game of morality to chase/find/attain some piece of knowledge/information was always a cover up to make up for what we've done to ourselves and to Life - therefore - every decision has a triple affect - someone decides to live their entire life chasing/finding/attaining knowledge/information the world does the same - someone decides to live by/through a principle of is best for all - Who knows what will happen? I allow myself to live the decision of walking our of the mind into the physical because I know within myself that this process is the only thing to do because this world/reality has only become another place to become another philosopher chasing/finding/attaining some gold platter to justify and excuse our self-interest to not stand up for life.

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