DAY 75: To the Best of My Ability

~Picture of me sitting at my computer, writing out points that I am not integrating to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought as image of me sitting at my computer, writing out points that I am not integrating to the best of my ability - to exist within and as myself, wherein I will in the moment actually purposely/deliberately write myself out from the starting-point of not integrating the writing as an actual self-realization, because I will during the moment I am writing and before hand I am about to write myself out, a little voice will pop up telling me that I am being dishonest and need to STOP, take a look at my starting-point and MOVE MYSELF, for real, in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely/deliberately shove aside the voice of reason - to look inside myself in terms of common-sense - where I will accept and allow myself to shove aside support from to take a step back and look at my starting point - without practically looking at why/how I am shoving aside common-sense in the first place - to no longer remain writing within and as a starting-point of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able or worthy within and as writing myself to freedom to the best of my ability - wherein I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must write a certain way in order to get my point across - not seeing/realizing/understanding that as I am wanting/desiring to get my point across I end of somewhere in my mind, trying/attaining/attempting to reach this idea/belief about how incompetent/less than I am to never be able to possibly assist/support in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I MUST get a point across to someone or something outside myself within and as writing for people to be able to understand what I am pointing out in the first place - wherein I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I MUST continuously find a magnificent point for someone to be able to understand what I am point out - not seeing/realizing/understanding that the point is here and there is nobody to prove myself to, in the first place - because all is HERE, and thus I allow myself to LIVE this to my fullest potential, NOT squandering each opportunity after another because I believe that I am not worthy or not able to even realize that everything is here in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume and perceive that I am too incompetent/less than to actually realize that everything is here, and thus there is nothing to point out in the first place - because I have lived my entire Life, assuming/perceiving that I am too something to actually LIVE to my fullest potential, and thus writing has become the exact same matter for myself - not seeing/realizing/understanding that one doesn't have to be something in order to apparently deserve realizing that everything is here, because that would just be a contradiction to what Equality & Oneness in fact means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I since I am apparently something like being incompetent/less than, then I cannot realize how to LIVE to my fullest potential, like integrating the words that I am writing to my fullest potential - because I have mind-projected certain characteristics as deserving or non-deserving of actually being free to LIVE - not seeing/realizing/understanding that this is a confirmation how I have a limited perception about what freedom in fact means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mind-project certain assumptions about certain characteristics and within this give them certain values and definitions, that which would give someone a polarity mind-fuck of good/bad rewards that the person would acquire within and as their particular characteristic - not seeing/realizing/understanding the key word here, CHARACTER, thus - I now see, realize and understand that if I continue mind-projecting assumptions about what people will deserve, then I will spend my Life never in fact integrating anything remotely to my utmost potential - because at the end of the day it will be about which character would win/lose in the Game of Life - to continuously live a life full of survival and competition that was only about moving from one polarity to another.

When/as/if the thought as image of me sitting at my computer, writing out points that I am not integrating to the best of my ability -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE - I realize that I am purposely/deliberately setting myself up to never in fact integrate the words as an actual practical-living solution, because I was too busy shoving the voice of reason telling me to take a step back and re-look at my starting-point - I commit myself to indeed stop, take a deep breath, and MOVE MYSELF, because I allow myself to SLOW DOWN - to not squander what is real and tangible to walk the talk.

When/as/if I believe that I am not able or worthy within and as writing myself to freedom -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE - I realize that the key word here is FREEDOM, that which is including everyone here within and as this world/reality, including myself, to no longer squander a perfect structure that is writing because of belittling myself - I commit myself to become humble, and realize that everyONE here in this world/reality is one and equal, and thus writing is the same matter.

To Be Continued...

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Day 71: Writing Is Hard (Or Is It?)

Okay, so - I've been having a lot of resistance to writing because I am quite self-aware that I am not changing in fact because I see/realize/understand it's because my current structure of writing is all over the place - not from the perspective of me judging my writings, but from a common-sense perspective that if I see that a point isn't working in my application, I must correct myself to the best of my ability, and so writing in a very looooooong manner doesn't in fact mean I am being specific in anyway, but who I am within and as the starting-point of writing myself out. I also fear that if I start writing out points more simplistically, that I will seen as lazy/undisciplined, which is quite fascinating because my writing from the get go wasn't in fact me actually disciplining myself to the best of my ability because I wasn't living my words - lol. So - I have placed myself in quite a mind-fuck, though I allow myself to get back to reality to in fact see/realize/understand that specificity doesn't in anyway mean or imply having long ass pages of words that I am not living in the first place - so, it's important for me to actually have a tangible structure to work on - to in fact change myself.

Psssshhh - I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I am now starting to realize that specificity doesn't in fact mean or imply that I must continuously write out some point that is only merely compounding/fueling/perpetuating by/through jumping from one point to another - not seeing/realizing/understanding what I am actually writing out in the first place because the self-corrective statements weren't tangible and I was too busy judging myself to actually realize what I am forgiving in the first place.

So, in essence I just put myself through a long ass time loop - lol - no worries - and so I allow myself to accept the point as it is to in fact move on, because the self-judgment I have put myself through in relation to writing is extensive and one of the most extensive points I have projected to myself - all because I had this idea/belief about what specificity in relation to writing in fact means. So - I accept in complete humbleness that if it takes me 1 time or a gazillion times to actually have a structure to in fact live here within and as this physical reality, then I accept the lovely challenge to get to know myself over and over, until I am in fact alive.

It's quite fascinating how one can have one idea/belief about something and allow it to continue for an immense amount of time because of this idea/belief, that it leaves the perfect door of opportunity that is writing to be and become a place of sabotage/abuse/compromise to not in fact live our words. Because, - I frankly, don't want to abuse/compromise/sabotage a door of opportunity just because I've placed this idea/belief that writing is somehow "bigger than myself" - not seeing/realizing/understanding that writing becomes "bigger than myself" when/as I am separated myself from who I am/could actually be and become - because I am too projecting all these stupid illusions to writing, and so writing becomes something very difficult in my mind - because I am in fact separate from the words that I am presenting in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing as always remaining "bigger than myself."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing because of the various unconscious values and definitions I have unconsciously mind-projected to/towards writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project writing as "bigger than myself" and within this I react within and as fear - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that writing is here as I am here, and so it's irrelevant for me to place certain values and definitions because of Fear of Writing.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I have placed and given certain values and definitions to/towards writing, because I haven't allowed myself to trust myself here as the words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire to not face myself within and as writing instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that writing is simply writing, unless I am self-creating mind-projections that I have harbored to remain fearing who I am within and as writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self-create the idea/belief that writing is "bigger than myself" because the projections I have harbored to remain thinking, believing and perceiving that writing is needed/required to perfect specificity - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that perfection is not outside myself, but the purification of/as words to actually walk my talk.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that writing within and as the starting-point of being "bigger than myself" isn't going to assist/support myself to purify my relationship to words, as I am escaping who I am within and as writing to walk my talk, for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create writing as this world "bigger than myself"- and within that allow writing to exist from the starting-point of being hard/difficult/impossible - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how/why I am allowing myself to get suck in time-loops that only ever involved moving from one energy point to another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that writing is hard/difficult/impossible because I am trying/attaining/attempting to be and become "specific" - not seeing/realizing/understanding that I am reaching outward to purposely/deliberately remain assuming/perceiving that writing is and will always remain "bigger than myself."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to purposely/deliberately place myself in time-loops to remain assuming/perceiving that specificity is something outside myself to be and become, and so I am merely moving from one polarity to specificity to not-specificity - either way placing myself in an inevitable time-loop to never in fact face who I am within and as writing - because I have allowed FEAR to consume me in every way possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that specificity implies and/or means writing out long ass statements that I am not even integrating - because I am too busy trying/attaining/attempting to be and become the idea/belief I have unconsciously mind-projected to/towards what specificity in fact means in the first place - not seeing/realizing/understanding that specificity within and as the starting-point of an illusional idea/belief will inevitably lead me to a time-loop that only ever involved more FEAR.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience FEAR to such an extent in relation to writing, that I never actually had made the choice/decision to place what is needed/required into alignment to assist/support myself - instead I've allowed myself to remain experiencing FEAR, because I wanted/desired to reach for a nonexistent specificity that only ever involved an idea/belief, at the end of the day.

When and as I see myself compromising/abusing/sabotaging the door of opportunity that is writing -- I stop and I breathe. I now see, realize and understand that writing is simply writing - unless it involves my own self-creation that involved illusionary mind-projections that never actually had allowed me to live my words as an expression of myself.

When and as I see myself experiencing FEAR because I experience writing "bigger than myself" -- I stop and I breathe - I now see, realize and understand that experiencing FEAR will only compound/fuel/power the FEAR I experience further to the point that I remain experiencing writing as an endless point that will never end - because I've allowed myself to throughout time accumulate energy, without any practical-application, I am of course going to have many points coming up to the surface, and so I commit myself to be and become patient within and as myself to in fact see/realize/understand that the FEAR I experience is not the end of the world, but simply showing/revealing how much FEAR I have accumulated throughout time about who I am in relation to writing.

I commit myself to investigate myself in how I experience writing in order to realize that writing isn't an of/as FEAR or even an experience in the first place, but an expression waiting to actually be lived here within and as this physical reality.

I commit myself to establish specificity by/through trusting myself within and as writing to no longer unconsciously accumulate FEAR in relation to something being and becoming "bigger than myself" - because everything is here, and so writing is here to actually enjoy myself - not accumulating FEAR, because I have unconsciously mind-projected tons of ideas/beliefs about what specificity in fact means in the first place.




To Definitely Be Continued...

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70: I Don't Live Up to My Full Potential Either

This is a continuation to Day 69: A LIFE WORTH LIVING...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret/pick up first by/through my Parents how/why they wanted/desired me to mold/shape myself to be and become a winner in this world/reality because I have assumed/perceived that what my Parents wanted/desired for me to be and become was actually valid/reasonable to "reach my potential" - within this I didn't allow myself to understand that in order for there to be a winner within and as this world/reality, there MUST be a loser play-out to balance the polarity game to continuously continue the game of abuse to happen from generation to generation to allow everyone to give into the game of "reaching one's potential" - not seeing, realizing, understanding that all what I was doing has been reaching for something non-existent - because the potential that I was in essence reaching out for wasn't in anyway concrete - therefore - the more I actually continued to live my life "reaching my potential" I was in actuality allowing someone else to lose their potential - all because I wanted to win an idea/belief that was unconsciously collectively mind-projected as good/right/successful - because I in essence was too busy wrapped up in doing everything in my delusional power to reach for potential that in the end evolved to another character/personality - I mean, if I actually had taken the time to understand/realize/investigate how every action and/or deed has an energetic starting-point - then I will have an energetic consequence that will not only affect myself in the end - but carry out the polarity affect to someone else in the end - all because I wanted/desired to reach an opportunity/potential that could never stand The Test of Time - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue molding/shaping myself based on what my Parents have carried over to myself - to continuously live out the Sins of Fathers because it's what I've taught myself to actually want/desire to live; absolutely and specifically - I now see, realize and understand that "reaching my potential" is completely ludicrous because everything is here as breath to be and become a possible potential to realize that it's time to take a step back and Re-DIS-COVER myself to realize/understand/investigate what "reaching one's potential" actually implies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret/pick up on the ideas/beliefs/perceptions/assumptions my Parents have gathered through their lives about what it means to be alive - not seeing/realizing/understanding that my Parents lived a life of knowledge and information and within this would mold/shape themselves to be and become characters/personalities/personas - no judgment needed - I allow myself to take a step back and breathe - to in fact understand that I MUST teach myself in every moment of every breath to realize that what it means to be Alive is to be living here as breath as self-awareness - I MUST teach myself all over what it means to be alive - what it means to reach one's potential - because my entire Life I have assumed/perceived that Life's only potential is to be and become something outside myself that is collectively agreed by/through society as being good/right/successful to win in Life - I now see, realize and understand that it's pointless/meaningless for me to place-project blame/anger to/towards my Parents because I've been taught to live knowledge/information - I allow myself to bring myself back down to Earth - to in fact realize that it's time to teach myself who I am - because all I've ever known about myself was reaching for something that only ever involved another character/personality/persona - to practically transform myself and this world to actually understand/realize the actual potential is here and has always been here into an absolute equal and one expression of that which is best for all Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame/be and become angry to my Parents because I am not taking self-responsibility for I am the one that made the choice/decision to "reach for something" - within this I allow myself to understand how/why I am allowing myself to purposely/deliberately blame/be and become angry at my Parents because I don't want to see how I molded/shaped myself without question - through the years - not seeing/realizing/understanding how I am in actuality angry and blaming myself - because I see myself as wasting my life away for absolutely nothing. And so I am not aware/have never been aware that blaming/being and becoming angry because I see/realize/understand that "reaching for potential" was never about being and becoming the best I can be and become - because my entire idea/belief/perception/assumption about potential was never about what is here in every moment - but only chasing after another character/personality/persona - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that living my Lie based on blame/anger is pointless/meaningless because it was never about assisting/supporting myself to understand that I am separating myself by/through defining and giving value to the past as memories to how I deliberately/purposely compromise/abuse/sabotage myself in each moment to in fact see/realize/understand the opportunity/potential that is here and has always been here and so it was never about potential but only remaining a victim to potential to never face myself and so potential became a scapegoat for myself - because it was how I allowed myself to continue to never in fact take self-responsibility and placing myself in other people's shoes when/as the polarity of consequence would affect someone else - therefore - I was another CharACTer never living the opportunity/potential that is here and of course has always been here.


I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that our ideas/beliefs/expectations begins with how our Parents want us to live because our Parents show/reveal how were going to live our lives in every moment of every breath and so why/how Parents bring us up affects how we see/don't see the potential that is here/has always been here - therefore - we spend our entire lives searching/finding the potential our Parents told us to find and if were not doing that were busy wasting/waiting for the potential our Parents didn't tell us to live here in every moment of every breath - therefore - I allow myself to understand that it doesn't matter if our Parents didn't or did give us lessons on how to win at Life or to actually be self-responsible because we spent our lives trying/attaining/attempting "reaching for potential" - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I cannot keep living my life based on mind-games of winning to not face myself - to face the potential that is here - to no longer justify/excuse myself to ever become a human being worthy of Life and so hiding/suppressing what was actually going on with myself has nothing to do with my Parents but my lack of care of Life because I was too busy in my mind "reaching for potential" - Time to come back to Earth!!!!!

To Be Continued...

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Day 66: When the Door of Opportunity Opens

This is a continuation to Day 65: Admit It - You Can't Hear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when/as the door of opportunity precedes itself to limit/enslave myself, especially and specifically within the boundaries of someone presenting a practical-insight to no longer remain confined to the barriers within and as myself, I allow myself to immediately/instantaneously abuse/compromise/sabotage myself and the other party that is presenting the point, because I am already in my mind reacting to a picture-presentation of someone presenting the point before the moment had already presented itself, wherein I've already completely disregarded the regard of the person that is presenting the point and ultimately myself to fully take the moment to it's utmost potential to be/become my fullest potential of living, because I've already before the door of opportunity had even arrived, given up on myself, completely and totally, I have already given up on myself by/through in the moment that is about to arise, because I am too busy in my mind placing/projecting myself outward to how I can handle to not handle the point that is being presented in the moment, as I've become a victim to myself - thus I now see how I must be the one to not see above and beyond a moment to continuously sabotage/compromise/abuse myself, but to be the self-directive principle of my life that is always making the decision to stand here as self-expression to no longer create unnecessary barriers within and as a practical-insight presents itself - thus I realize I in every and every breath, in each and every moment, that I must stand here to realize that actually HEREing what is HERE is the key to no longer fearing who I am/have become, in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can 'realize' who I am/have become as an expression of myself in every moment of how/who I am, and in that live rest in each moment wherein I will no longer remain thinking, believing and perceiving that self-realization must be suppressed/hidden within/as myself at all costs. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place myself here in each and every moment to the best of my ability - not giving into the idea/belief/perception/assumption that I am/must continuously live my life throughout not HEREing absolutely nothing to remain HERE, in this realizing with myself in each breath as who I am as life.

Therefore, I see that the practical-solution is to when/as the door of opportunity arises to expand myself in all ways is to check myself by/through taking a deep breath to see/realize/understand that the only way I can possibly expand myself in all facets, to in fact apply myself accordingly within and as this physical reality by/through actually HEREing what is HERE, wherein I no longer immediately/instantaneously have a dimensional shift and imagine all the possible formalities I can use/abuse to maintain my self-interest. I direct myself to remain here as breath as self-awareness to in-fact HERE what the other person is presenting in the moment, without giving into my mind to remain in my time-loop of compromise/abuse/sabotage and as such, supporting me to instead HERE for the first time, because I've been too busy having dimensional shifts, fearing that who I am/have become will go away at any moment, knowing the entire time that I was in no way and could only be/become a limitation/enslaved character/personality to do everything in my delusional power to not HERE what is HERE.

When and as I see myself fearing a door of opportunity to no longer remain Confined to the Con of Consciousness, that I've created over time to ever realize who I am/must be and become, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE to in fact HERE. I realize that whenever I have feared a door of opportunity, especially and specifically someone presenting a practical-insight, I end up a victim to myself, wherein I in actuality programed/conditioned myself through my life to remain a slave/character - not seeing/realizing/understanding that it's all I've been and have used to be/become to the point that I've lived it without any questioning - thus, if I can literally be/become something to such an extent, I can most certainly assist/support to bring myself back HERE to in fact HERE, to inevitably reach the Point of No Return, wherein I naturally assist/support, in each and every breath, in each and every moment, in fact.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully consider/take into consideration/account and realize that in making the choice/decision to already give up on myself, before the moment of practical-insight precedes itself, I have already determined my choice/decision to not stand here as self-expression to remain HERE to in fact HERE, for real, for Life, in all ways possible.

When and as I see myself taking a moment to place/project myself outside myself to imagine all the possible forms I can take to manipulate the person that is presenting the point and myself to remain a slave/character, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back Here. I realize that the point is here, not anywhere, and most certainly cannot be hidden, because everything stands here within and as myself, always, I realize that there is nowhere to hide because the point is here/has always been here as the expression of who I am as the physical and not a manipulation tactic to remain caged in, A Victim to Myself, I commit myself to show/reveal to myself and others as myself how one can take a part one door of opportunity to a door of victimization, to transforming/changing a door of opportunity to something I can abuse/compromise/sabotage in complete repetition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that every moment that I compromise/sabotage/abuse to remain manipulating a door of opportunity to stand here as breath as self-expression, I am in fact not seeing/realizing/understanding that I am not only compromising/sabotaging/abusing myself the door of opportunity to realize myself, but the change/opportunity for others to ever have an opportunity of living, because no matter how much I want to run away/hide from/suppress that my choice/decision that I live here as breath here in each moment is not only a choice/decision that I make for myself, but for those in this world/reality to have a chance/opportunity to live a dignified life, because we're all here in this physical reality, therefore, we're equally responsible to live each moment to it's utmost potential.

When and as I see myself compromising/sabotaging/abusing the doors of opportunities that I face here as breath in every moment, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I see and realize that I am showing/revealing to myself that I am not 100% fully dedicated to walking this process to my utmost potential here in this physical reality - and so I commit myself to slowly but surely HERE what is HERE in this physical reality, because I am fully responsible for not standing up to purposely/deliberately deafen myself when/as the door of opportunity presents itself to expand myself here in this life, by/through not remaining self-righteous just because I want to maintain my self-interest, to no longer remain a victim to myself, but live each moment to the best I can.

To Be Continued...

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Day 59: My Own Worst Enemy

This is a continuation to Day 58: STOP! In The Name Of LIFE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when/as I am in the moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here, lie to myself, because I've allowed myself to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality to purposely/deliberately not look within and as self-honesty to realize/understand/investigate that the entire time I wasn't in anyway looking/searching/finding//reaching out for myself, because I have known/have always known that "who I am" is not separate outside myself creating separation/division within and as myself, therefore, I have known/have always known that the entire time that I am here/have always been here to the point that I will self-create Me's/personalities/characters to not look within and as self-honesty to actually create a practical-solution in my day to day living that can/always been applied, of course always taking into consideration/account of the principle of Equality & Oneness to make sure I don't search/find/seek/reach outward for a ME/character/personality, purposely/deliberately to not consider/take into consideration/into account how/why I've allowed myself to lie relentlessly for absolutely nothing in the end, because I was only wasting/waiting/postponing/prolonging my game of searching/finding/seeking/reaching out for a ME/character/personality that I knew within and as myself was impossible/has always been impossible to find, because it was only an illusional idea/belief/perception/assumption to continuously believe/deceive myself that somehow "who I am" can be based on something outside myself in the first place.

I now see, realize and understand that if/when I see myself in the moment of an actual moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has been always here to be compromised/sabotaged because of taking the moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has always been here searching/finding/seeking/reaching out for a ME/character/personality, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE, I now see, realize and understand that I was only trying/attaining/attempting to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality, because "who I am," is here/has always been here the entire time and I find this very difficult to face within and as myself, I fear that if/when I actually take the moment to actually be here in the moment within and as the actual moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has always been here that I will always have to face myself, therefore, it's quite fascinating how I've carried so much FEAR to/towards myself to the point that I will purposely/deliberately create separation/divide within and as myself in relation to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality, therefore, I commit myself to get back to myself/existence/this world and reality to understand/realize/investigate that if I continuously waste/wait/postpone my life away merely because I assume/perceive that an apparent ME/character/personality will somehow allow the FEAR I experience and participate unconsciously within and as myself somehow go away, then my life/process/the entirety of myself will have been compromised/sabotaged because I did not a take a moment/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here to in-fact realize/understand/investigate that it's time to really get to know myself for the first time, to actually realize that "who I am" cannot in any shape/form be/become erased because of a ME/character/personality, because "who I am" is here/has always been here and so there is no way to escape the inevitable of facing myself, absolutely and specifically getting to know myself for the first time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry so much weight/mind-burden myself within and as FEAR to/towards actually in-fact facing myself to the point that I will actually search/find/seek/reach out for Me's/characters/personalities that I knew within and as myself will only have always created divide/separation, because I actually FEAR who I am/have become to in-fact be/become intimate within and as myself, therefore, if/when I am carrying so much weight/mind-burden of FEAR of the actuality of "who I am," then I've actually judged/diminished myself to the point that I will do everything in my delusional power to suppress/hide away from the truth of myself, and so I will lie to myself on a day to day basis, when/as I am in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here, because the judgment/diminishment is actually my safety-net to be/become my justification/excuse to continuously not actually look/search/find/seek within and as what is here/has always been here, to in-fact realize/understand/investigate that I've been separate from myself for so long, because my entire life I've unconsciously carried so much weight/mind-burden within and as FEAR to "who I am," because I've actually been self-aware on some level that who I am/have become is something that must be changed, and so the fear/diminishment/judgment was my little safety-net to not actually investigate/realize/understand myself within and as self-honesty, therefore, I allow myself to take a step back and in-fact understand/realize/investigate that the FEAR/diminishment/judgment was actually purposely/deliberately my safety-net, because I am scared shitless to search/find/seek/reach within and as myself, creating no separation/division, but actually creating a physical practical solution on a day to day basis that will allow me to look within and as myself in complete self-honesty for myself to not be/become fearful/diminished/judgmental within and as myself, to in-fact realize that this process/life starts with myself to actually no longer carry the weight/wait and mind-burden of FEAR to take a step back, apply the 4-count breath, check myself within and as self-honesty to make sure I am not in anyway experiencing/participating in my world and reality/existence as a ME/character/personality, but in actuality understanding/realizing/investigating that I am here/have always been here and so there is absolutely nowhere for me to hide, how cool is that?!

I now see, realize and understand that when/as I am experiencing and participating within and as carrying so much weight/wait and mind-burden of/as FEAR to/towards myself, no Me's/characters/personalities needed/required, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I now see, realize and understand that I am purposely/deliberately searching/finding/seeking/reach outward for a ME/character/personality to divide/separate myself from/to/as myself, to continuously not in-fact realize/understand/investigate that if/when I am doing everything in my delusional power to not actually realize myself from the get go, I am in actuality carrying so much weight/wait and mind-burden of/as FEAR because I have mind-projected my own ideas/beliefs/perceptions/assumptions about who I am/have become to the point that I will go outside myself to find/search/seek/reach out for Me's/characters/personalities, because I have unconsciously mind-projected myself as something I must diminish/judge to the point I will hide behind a false presentation to not simply be/become humble, slowly but surely, therefore, I commit myself to take a deep breath, be patient, and see/realize/understand that who I am/have become is completely unacceptable but I do not need/require to separate/divide myself to/from/as myself more, therefore, I allow myself to actually take a step back, apply the 4-count breath when/as I see myself in the moment looking/seeking/searching/reaching out for a ME/personality/character or in the moment actually seeing myself about to/or already in that very moment looking/seeking/searching/reaching out for a ME/personality/character to simply breathe, no judgment or diminishment needed, I allow myself to see/realize/understand that I must be/become absolutely humble, because looking within and as common-sense the judgment/diminishment has only led me to FEAR, to FEAR so compounded/perpetuated/compounded that I feared myself/who I am/have become/could be.

To Be Continued...

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