Showing posts with label personality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personality. Show all posts

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Day 60: Is This Really Me?

This is a continuation to Day 59: My Own Worst Enemy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/diminish who I am, to the point that I will react in guilt/shame/regret, in this I've allowed myself to actually mind-project who I am/have become as inferior/bad/wrong because I am in actuality playing the morality card, because I assume/perceive that if I apparently am no longer living as the who I am that I've carried so much weight/wait, then I will be ME that is superior/good/right, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I have self-created the idea/belief/perception/assumption that if I am not apparently being/becoming I shouldn't/should be, I will then carry polarities to who I am/have become in a moment, therefore, I allow myself to realize/understand/investigate that I've merely carried so much weight/wait to myself, because I was only playing a game of/as an character/personality/ME to ever actually be/become humble for the first time, therefore, I now see, realize and understand that if/when I am judging/diminishing myself to the point that I experience/participate/react in guilt/shame, I MUST get down to the nitty gritty because a point doesn't suddenly/out of nowhere pop up to the point that it compounds/fuels/powers itself more and more, and so I allow myself to in-fact stop, breathe and bring myself back here, because if/when I see myself creating division/separation/friction within and as myself, I stop, because I am the one at the end of the day that makes the choice/decision what goes on inside of myself, within this I allow myself to consider/taken into consideration/account that judging/diminishing myself is in no way a practical-solution, therefore, when/as I see myself judging/diminishing myself/reacting in guilt/shame/regret because what I am seeing in myself in the moment, I take a deep breath, apply the 4-count breath to get back to the basics to in-fact realize that I am here/have always been here, therefore, it's pointless/meaningless to perpetuate/compound/fuel/power the point further.

I now see, realize/understand that if/when I see myself judging/diminishing myself to the extent that I participate/experience/react in regret/shame/guilt, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I now see, realize and understand that if/when I compound/perpetuate/fuel/power a point further, I stop, take a deep breath and apply the 4-count breath, I allow myself to realize/understand/investigate that if/when I am allowing myself to react further to a point, I realize that the point did not pop up suddenly/out of nowhere, but has been created over a period of time to the point that I will have reactions to the actuality of not being/becoming humble, to in-fact realize that who I am starts within and as myself, therefore, it's up to me to actually create solutions in my physical reality to not create unnecessary conflict/friction/separation/division, therefore, I commit myself to give myself the time throughout my days to write out points to actually walk the talk within and as my physical reality, to in-fact breathe here and apply the 4-count breath if/when I see myself in the moment judging/diminishing who I am/have become/reacting/participating/experiencing guilt/regret/shame in relation to judging/diminishing who I am/have become/could be/become, therefore, I allow myself to actually create solutions for myself on my day to day basis to no longer create endless polarities of superiority/good/right and inferiority/bad/wrong to realize/investigate/understand that if/when I continuously allow myself to play-out polarities, I stop myself, apply the 4-count breath to realize/understand/investigate that I always have the choice/decision to stand here, to no longer remain hating myself for eternity.

When and as I see myself judging/diminishing who I am/have become the the extent that I experience/participate/react in guilt/shame/regret, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I now see, realize and understand that I am in actuality self-aware/always self-aware of what I am participating/experiencing/reacting to in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity, therefore, I allow myself to take the moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here to stop, take a deep breath and apply the 4-count breath, because I've self-created the point of how I see myself throughout the years over an extended period of time, and so it will take just as much time to stop myself from judging/diminishing myself to the point that I experience/participate/react within and as regret/shame/guilt,therefore, I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I am experiencing/participating/reacting within and as regret/shame/guilt because I am self-aware of who I am/have become, and so I knew that if I continuously experience/participate/react in regret/shame/guilt that it would be the perfect justification/excuse/scapegoat to give up on myself because I see myself as the polarity make up of energy, inferiority/bad/wrong and/or superiority/good/right.

I commit myself to in-fact stop carrying the weight/wait of/as the FEAR I hold over myself in relation to the judgment/diminishment and reactions of regret/shame/guilt, because I was only in the end participating/experiencing/reacting in FEAR, because all I've seen myself throughout my life was an polarity make up of energy, inferiority/bad/wrong and/or superiority/good/right, therefore, I haven't seen myself at all because I've been too busy sabotaging/compromising who I am/could be, because of an self-sabotaging cycle of polarity to the point that all I see is all I've become throughout my life/process, therefore, I allow myself to stop, take a deep breath and realize/understand/see that the FEAR I hold over myself can stop if I actually want it too, and so I allow myself to stop making justifications/excuses/scapegoats purposely/deliberately for myself to continuously live my life stringing by a wheel of polarity going absolutely nowhere.
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Day 59: My Own Worst Enemy

This is a continuation to Day 58: STOP! In The Name Of LIFE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when/as I am in the moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here, lie to myself, because I've allowed myself to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality to purposely/deliberately not look within and as self-honesty to realize/understand/investigate that the entire time I wasn't in anyway looking/searching/finding//reaching out for myself, because I have known/have always known that "who I am" is not separate outside myself creating separation/division within and as myself, therefore, I have known/have always known that the entire time that I am here/have always been here to the point that I will self-create Me's/personalities/characters to not look within and as self-honesty to actually create a practical-solution in my day to day living that can/always been applied, of course always taking into consideration/account of the principle of Equality & Oneness to make sure I don't search/find/seek/reach outward for a ME/character/personality, purposely/deliberately to not consider/take into consideration/into account how/why I've allowed myself to lie relentlessly for absolutely nothing in the end, because I was only wasting/waiting/postponing/prolonging my game of searching/finding/seeking/reaching out for a ME/character/personality that I knew within and as myself was impossible/has always been impossible to find, because it was only an illusional idea/belief/perception/assumption to continuously believe/deceive myself that somehow "who I am" can be based on something outside myself in the first place.

I now see, realize and understand that if/when I see myself in the moment of an actual moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has been always here to be compromised/sabotaged because of taking the moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has always been here searching/finding/seeking/reaching out for a ME/character/personality, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE, I now see, realize and understand that I was only trying/attaining/attempting to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality, because "who I am," is here/has always been here the entire time and I find this very difficult to face within and as myself, I fear that if/when I actually take the moment to actually be here in the moment within and as the actual moment/chance/breath/opportunity that is here/has always been here that I will always have to face myself, therefore, it's quite fascinating how I've carried so much FEAR to/towards myself to the point that I will purposely/deliberately create separation/divide within and as myself in relation to search/find/seek/reach out for a ME/character/personality, therefore, I commit myself to get back to myself/existence/this world and reality to understand/realize/investigate that if I continuously waste/wait/postpone my life away merely because I assume/perceive that an apparent ME/character/personality will somehow allow the FEAR I experience and participate unconsciously within and as myself somehow go away, then my life/process/the entirety of myself will have been compromised/sabotaged because I did not a take a moment/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here to in-fact realize/understand/investigate that it's time to really get to know myself for the first time, to actually realize that "who I am" cannot in any shape/form be/become erased because of a ME/character/personality, because "who I am" is here/has always been here and so there is no way to escape the inevitable of facing myself, absolutely and specifically getting to know myself for the first time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry so much weight/mind-burden myself within and as FEAR to/towards actually in-fact facing myself to the point that I will actually search/find/seek/reach out for Me's/characters/personalities that I knew within and as myself will only have always created divide/separation, because I actually FEAR who I am/have become to in-fact be/become intimate within and as myself, therefore, if/when I am carrying so much weight/mind-burden of FEAR of the actuality of "who I am," then I've actually judged/diminished myself to the point that I will do everything in my delusional power to suppress/hide away from the truth of myself, and so I will lie to myself on a day to day basis, when/as I am in a moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here, because the judgment/diminishment is actually my safety-net to be/become my justification/excuse to continuously not actually look/search/find/seek within and as what is here/has always been here, to in-fact realize/understand/investigate that I've been separate from myself for so long, because my entire life I've unconsciously carried so much weight/mind-burden within and as FEAR to "who I am," because I've actually been self-aware on some level that who I am/have become is something that must be changed, and so the fear/diminishment/judgment was my little safety-net to not actually investigate/realize/understand myself within and as self-honesty, therefore, I allow myself to take a step back and in-fact understand/realize/investigate that the FEAR/diminishment/judgment was actually purposely/deliberately my safety-net, because I am scared shitless to search/find/seek/reach within and as myself, creating no separation/division, but actually creating a physical practical solution on a day to day basis that will allow me to look within and as myself in complete self-honesty for myself to not be/become fearful/diminished/judgmental within and as myself, to in-fact realize that this process/life starts with myself to actually no longer carry the weight/wait and mind-burden of FEAR to take a step back, apply the 4-count breath, check myself within and as self-honesty to make sure I am not in anyway experiencing/participating in my world and reality/existence as a ME/character/personality, but in actuality understanding/realizing/investigating that I am here/have always been here and so there is absolutely nowhere for me to hide, how cool is that?!

I now see, realize and understand that when/as I am experiencing and participating within and as carrying so much weight/wait and mind-burden of/as FEAR to/towards myself, no Me's/characters/personalities needed/required, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I now see, realize and understand that I am purposely/deliberately searching/finding/seeking/reach outward for a ME/character/personality to divide/separate myself from/to/as myself, to continuously not in-fact realize/understand/investigate that if/when I am doing everything in my delusional power to not actually realize myself from the get go, I am in actuality carrying so much weight/wait and mind-burden of/as FEAR because I have mind-projected my own ideas/beliefs/perceptions/assumptions about who I am/have become to the point that I will go outside myself to find/search/seek/reach out for Me's/characters/personalities, because I have unconsciously mind-projected myself as something I must diminish/judge to the point I will hide behind a false presentation to not simply be/become humble, slowly but surely, therefore, I commit myself to take a deep breath, be patient, and see/realize/understand that who I am/have become is completely unacceptable but I do not need/require to separate/divide myself to/from/as myself more, therefore, I allow myself to actually take a step back, apply the 4-count breath when/as I see myself in the moment looking/seeking/searching/reaching out for a ME/personality/character or in the moment actually seeing myself about to/or already in that very moment looking/seeking/searching/reaching out for a ME/personality/character to simply breathe, no judgment or diminishment needed, I allow myself to see/realize/understand that I must be/become absolutely humble, because looking within and as common-sense the judgment/diminishment has only led me to FEAR, to FEAR so compounded/perpetuated/compounded that I feared myself/who I am/have become/could be.

To Be Continued...
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Thursday, September 20, 2012

Day 58: STOP! In The Name Of LIFE

This is a continuation Day 57: Searching For Myself, Back Later. Leave a Msg
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie relentlessly, purposely/deliberately for myself to never actually realize/understand/investigate how/why I have done everything in my delusional power to find myself, wherein I wasn't "finding myself" because I knew the whole time that I am here/have always been here to the point that I would do everything in my power to veil/mold/shape myself by/through placing/projecting hope/faith that I will within and as the dimensions of my mind not see who I am/have become to not look within and as self-honesty to understand/investigate/realize that "who I am" doesn't need to be judged/diminished to the point that I experience/participate in guilt/shame for "who I am," wherein I am only further compounding/perpetuating/powering/fueling how/why I've done everything in my power to continuously self-create more characters/personalities to identity/separate/divide within and as myself to not get to the nitty gritty of actually walking this process/life in complete humbleness, because at the moment I am not/have been walking nothing for I've allowed myself to hide/suppress "who I am," by/through looking/searching/reach out for a ME/character/personality to not simply face myself, absolutely and specifically, because looking at everyone within and as this world/reality, we can say with an absolutely certainty that all we are/have become/have always been, was/is just another character/personality to make sure that we never face ourselves, I mean, our entire lives is completely ENTER-TAMED purposely/deliberately to never actually look/search/reach out within and as ourselves to actually understand/investigate/realize how we have limited/enslaved ourselves to ourselves/life/process/existence for absolutely nothing in the end, because our entire life/process was a race to what ME/character/personality would do their best to continuously win/compete to always look/search/reach out for the characters/personalities/Me's that seem to manage this world-system in apparent success to allow the game of survival to always continue for generations upon generations to allow the game of life to be/become nothing more and nothing less than the pursuit of happiness to find/search/reach out for the most effective Multiple Personality Disorder that will allow ourselves to always feel good about how much we did/didn't do to see ourselves within and as ourselves in complete self-honesty, I now see, realize and understand that life/process has/has always been a race/competition/game to gain/strive for the price//prize of what all of us should want/desire in ourselves lives to feel about ourselves at the end of the day, because this apparent success made up of various things/parts/aspects is just something outside myself that I have mind-projected about based on society's general values and definitions about what we should/shouldn't want/desire in our lives, and so we do everything in our power to live this idea/belief/assumption/perception about what life/process should/shouldn't be, within this if were not playing the game of gaining/striving for something that society wants/desires us to apparently be/become, then we will inevitably play against the ground of salt, sort of speak, and rebel against this world-system, in the end not actually solving anything in this world/reality, therefore, the game of playing out ME's/personalities/characters continues to happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely/deliberately search/find/reach out for ME's/characters/personalities to make myself feel all giddy/happy to cover up/suppress the complete regret/shame I experience/participate in, it is always subtly there as I am playing the same of life to be/become nothing more and nothing less a psychopath with serious Multiple Personality issues to do absolutely everything in my own delusional power to not continuously simply look at myself/this world-reality within and as self-honesty to understand/investigate/realize that in the end all what were doing/have been doing is looking at the positive to make ourselves feel giddy/happy about all what the Me's/personalities/characters have done for us to have the special prize/reward/price in the price of Life to in the end make up for what we been doing/have been doing to ourselves/each other/this world-system somehow be/become acceptable/excuseable/justifiable, and if were not doing that were experiencing/participating in depression because were actually I am/were actually reacting to the shame/regret to place/project ourselves as this victim, wherein were actually doing the exact same thing as those/us/myself in complete giddiness/happiness to have morality in the end, to somehow think/believe/perceive/assume that participating/experiencing in certain reactions or doing certain physical actions in this world-system will make a difference, within this we/ourselves/this world-system must consider/take into consideration that our starting-point is the key to actually creating a solution for this world and reality/ourselves/existence to not continuously participate/experience ourselves as someone that is apparently doing something to actually be/become part of the solution, wherein the solution has bee/has always been ourselves to no longer participate and experience ourselves as a ME/character/personality to actually create a solution, because it is the part of ourselves that we do everything in our power to hide/suppress from has bee/has always been the key to be/become the change we want to see within and as this world/ourselves/existence to no longer play the game of competition and survival to gain/strive for a reward, because all what were doing in the first place is trying/attaining/attempting to place/project that the faith/hope into the apparent reward/prize/price will allow ourselves to become a redeemable reward/prize/price to not see the price of life/ourselves/existence/this world/reality, Who really wins in the end?

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive/assume that all the apparent rewards/prizes/prices will make a difference for the price of life that is ourselves/each-other/existence/this world/reality, wherein there is no mercy in the end, because inevitably one person makes a choice/decision to play the game of ME's/personalities/characters and another child pays the price of the apparent reward/price/prize in the end to spend their lives wondering when someone will care, that someone will care enough to stand up within and as this world-system to allow ourselves/each-other/existence this world/reality an actual chance/opportunity to allow the nightmare that we call Life to not continuously relentlessly live/be alive for absolutely nothing in the end, because what do we actually strive for/gain from? Absolutely nothing, I now see, realize and understand that if we continue to play the game of Me's/personalities/characters, then Life will make us, not from a perspective of Life/us/ourselves/everything wanting/desiring to make us participate/experience guilt/shame, but to actually look at the moments/breaths/chances/opportunities that we lost in our lives, the moments that we subtly participated/experienced guilt/shame within and as ourselves, while playing this game for a prize/reward/price that was always in the name of Life/us/ourselves/everything, because in the moments/breaths/opportunities that were lost of participating/experiencing guilt/shame to what were currently are/have been/have always been living for was never actually a breath/chance/opportunity that we have taken/should've taken, no judgement needed, to actually in-fact stand up within and as ourselves to actually be/become a self-honest Earthling that didn't waste/wait/postpone for life to happen to apparently redeem ourselves from what prize/reward/price was give in/and always in the name of Life.
 

To Be Continued...

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