Day 68: I Fear Change

This is a continuation to Day 67: Don't Rock The Boat
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-realization because I am unconsciously placing/projecting all these pre-conceived ideals and because of this I have allowed myself to compromise/sabotage/abuse myself in complete repetition - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how I am accumulating so much FEAR that I do not understand/investigate realize how the FEAR that I experience on a day to day basis on realization was in actuality connected to FEARING CHANGE - I see and realize that it's completely irrelevant for me to FEAR CHANGE because I am in actuality fearing who I am and inevitably must live within and as this physical reality - thus, I am HERE to in fact HERE myself to change myself, moment by moment, step by step, breath by breath, assisting and supporting myself to understand/realize/investigate how/why I've allowed myself to FEAR myself so much over the years to the extent/degree that I will abuse/compromise/sabotage myself simply because it's all I've ever known.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I MUST live dependent on the FEAR that I experience on a day to day basis, because I fear what will happen if I rock the boat within and as my world and reality - within this I am not considering/taking into consideration/into account how/why I've been allowing myself to see FEAR as an energy charger separate from myself, thus - not seeing/realizing/understanding that I am the Creator that created the FEAR that experience within and as myself on a day to day basis, and so it's irrelevant for me to assume/perceive that without the FEAR that I experience I will be completely lost, because I am here/have always been here, and so the FEAR is here in every moment/breath/chance/opportunity to be corrected by/through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and the actual physical walking the point.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when and as I am taking the FEAR I experience on a day to day basis to realize who I am/must live to be and become, I am giving the FEAR power over me by/through accepting the FEAR to be the real me - not seeing, realizing or understanding that the FEAR is NOT who I am - because all it takes for me to stand up, not accept and allow myself to be and become anything less than who I am, and so I have the power within and as every moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here - because, at the end of the day it is a choice/decision to not correct myself here as the breath as self-expression, standing up and stating "Till here no further," I do not accept or allow myself to limit/enslave myself to this emotional experience called FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am inferior to FEAR and within this would thus think, believe and perceive that my only choice/decision I have is to limit/enslave myself to this emotional experience of FEAR - not seeing, realizing or understanding that I am the one who took the choice/decision to see myself as inferior and thus have allowed myself to see myself as only capable of reacting in FEAR - instead of taking the practical steps to change myself here as breath as self-expression - all because of my perception/definition of what I am apparently capable of only being and becoming as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish and judge who I am in relation to self-realization that I starting participating within and as the backchat "I am too worthless"/"I am not smart enough to commit myself to myself/life"/"I don't have what it takes to assist/support myself to my utmost potential" then I would be more satisfied/accepting of crucifying myself, over and over - because, I've allowed myself to diminish/judge myself purposely/deliberately as a valid/acceptable excuse/justification to not move myself here within and as this physical reality - within this not seeing, realizing or understanding that the worthlessness I experience on a day to day basis is the fear of change character - thus, if I would ever think about changing myself, I would be and become confused by/through all the perfect scapegoats I accumulated through the years to remain in complete petrification of the FEAR I in actuality purposely/deliberately self-created to remain belittling myself for eternity - thus, When and as I see the back chat "I am too less than" - I stop and I take a deep breath - I bring myself back to this physical reality through seeing, realizing and understanding that fearing change does not change the inner experience of FEAR I see within and as changing myself for real - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue participating within backchat such as "I am too less than something" but instead commit myself to stop diminishing/judging myself through seeing myself within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience of FEAR of Change exist within and as me - not seeing, realizing or understanding that I do not have to accept the FEAR of Change as a part/aspect of myself to the point that I must continuously allow it to be and become something I cannot change - I can stop it in one breath and direct myself out of the experience of FEAR of Change since it does only exist within my mind as an energetic experience - in where I am sabotaging/compromising/abusing through FEAR of Change as me. I commit myself to take a deep breath and state "I do not accept to allow my lack of self-worth to direct or control me - instead - I direct myself" and thus bring myself back to this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the simplicity of letting go of the FEAR of Change through taking a stance to not allow the energy within me - but would instead allow myself to go into that energetic experience of being less than, thinking and believing that it is me - when all the while it was just manipulation from and of my mind. I commit myself to, when and as I am experiencing the FEAR of Change - to take one deep breath, allow myself to walk the point out in further self-expansion within and as writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and actual physical walking the talk, letting go of the energy through and with my breathing and bring myself back to stability - here.

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Day 64: Choosing To Live In Fear

This is a continuation to Day 63: When Our Power Is Gone
Walking the FEAR Dimensions of The Taking It Personally Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/experience/react as being less than/inferior/stupid to/towards someone/something or whatever situation that is brining the point open in the moment purposely/deliberately to forevermore remain a slave/limitation/victim to myself to the extent that I would see/realize/understand that all what I am doing is accumulating/compounding/fueling/powering the point further, wherein extensive amounts of FEAR will be suppressed/bottled up/hidden from myself to never realize who I am/have become - within this taking everything personal was personally my choice/decision that I've made over the years because the FEAR that I accumulated over the years was never in-fact unconscious because I always knew within and as myself that I made the choice/decision to remain participating/experiencing/reacting as FEAR, completely and totally, that I've rather be/become the epitome of/as FEAR to ever realize who I am/have become, I now see, realize and understand that me remaining enslaving/limiting myself was in actuality a choice/decision I made/have always made to always remain a slave/character to/towards myself to never slowly but surely place the pieces back together, therefore, I allow myself to get back to what is real, to stop and take a deep breath and investigate how I'm limiting/enslaving myself on a day to day basis just because it's easier to remain a victim to myself for the rest of my life to actually become intimate with myself and accumulate self-trust, no longer remaining limiting/enslaving myself within and as FEAR.

When and as I see myself suppressing/hiding from/bottling up extensive amounts of/as FEAR just to remain a slave/character, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE, I now see, realize, and understand that if I continue making the choice/decision to remains slave/character I will inevitably face the consequences in the end, because I am the one at the end of the day that makes the choice/decision on a daily-basis to remain a slave/character just because it's more convenient that way, within this I allow myself to investigate/realize/understand within and as self-honesty that if my starting-point to lie day in and day our just because it's apparently easier, I then must stop, take a deep breath and realize how much I've compromised/sabotaged myself purposely/deliberately just because it was convenient/easier in the end, and so I commit myself to get back to this physical reality and simply take the point that I've used what I am used to doing/conditioned to participate in on a daily-basis as another confirmation about who I am/have become to walk what must be walked, as a motivational point to be/become intimate with myself and accumulate self-trust, no longer remaining limiting/enslaving myself within and as FEAR.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to consider/take into consideration/account that if I am remaining in complete petrification of my own FEAR that I actually self-created in the first place, then I now see, realize and understand that harnessing all these ideas/beliefs/perceptions/assumptions of what it means to self-realize was in actuality my own self-creation of self-realization I mind-projected onto someone/something or whatever is bringing up the point in the moment to not face myself, absolutely and specifically to finally assist/support myself to investigate that living my life within and as the starting-point of FEAR is actually no way to live and in no way provides any solution, therefore, I do not accept or allow myself to remain in FEAR just to justify/excuse myself from realizing who I am/have become, I allow myself to become humble and to not remain a slave/character and try/attain/attempt to be and idea/belief/perception/assumption that I can never and will never be able to be in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have, throughout my entire life, unconsciously placed/projected extensive amounts of/as FEAR in relation to a person/whomever or whatever would bring up a practical-insight - in where I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR to fear realization at all costs in where I would do everything in my delusional power to remain enslaved/limited to the extent/point/condition that I go into defense mode to what I've so much suppressed/bottled up/hidden within and as the layers of my mind so I can act accordingly, meaning, I would be too busy in the moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here to remain a victim to myself, thinking, believing and perceiving that if I continuously play this charade of/as the point that is being Re-Vealed in the moment, that it will actually be more acceptable/natural for me to always spend my life lying to myself, therefore, I now see, realize and understand that taking a point personal when/as someone/something presents itself in the moment for me to bring about change/transformation, was in actuality never about where the point was coming from, because it was always myself that was purposely/deliberately unconsciously layering my mind to forevermore not self-realize who I am/have become to in-fact change/transform myself for real within and as this physical reality.

When and as I see myself unconsciously placing/projecting extensive amounts of/as FEAR in relation to a person/whomever or whatever is bringing up a practical insight, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE, I now see, realize and understand I've accumulated so much FEAR because it was my defense mechanism to ever in-fact have a self-realization to reach self-change/transformation, therefore, when/as a person/whomever would bring up a point I would act accordingly to not HERE to in-fact realize that all I must do is be HERE as breath as self-expression to HERE who I am/have become to no longer remain compromising/sabotaging/abusing myself simply because it's all I've ever known, therefore, I commit myself to Re-Veal myself to myself to really HERE what is HERE once and for all just because it's all I ever known, to be/ become humble and to not remain a slave/character and try/attain/attempt to be and idea/belief/perception/assumption that I can never and will never be able to be in the first place.

To Be Continued...

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