Day 56: The Me I Never Knew Existed

This is a continuation to Day 55: How to Stop Judging Yourself and Others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suddenly/out of nowhere participate and experience myself as self-conscious/self-aware of who I am/have become in the moment/breath/chance/opportunity that I lose/not realizing that actual opportunity that is here for myself to investigate within and as the moment I am being/becoming self-conscious as a cool self-supportive tool for myself to understand who I am/have become in the moment to in-fact correct the point in practical-application - within this I allow myself to participate/limit/enslave/experience myself to merely an idea/belief about who I am/which character I should/shouldn't present in the moment to separate myself from what is practical for myself to correct in the moment - therefore - I've mind-projected being/becoming self-conscious as this huge mind-fuck, wherein I must continuously mold/shape who I am/which character I am presenting in the moment to an idea/belief about who I am/which character I should/shouldn't present in the moment - I allowed myself to not take the initiative within and as myself that being/becoming self-conscious has always been from the starting-point of FEAR to not see, realize and understand that being/becoming self-conscious can be a key tool for myself to play with, I mean, taking the initiative within and as myself to stop my thoughts had taken to a certain degree being/becoming self-conscious/self-aware to in-fact stopping the programs compounding/perpetuating/fueling/powering within and as myself, to no longer be/become mind-possessed by/through systems running on autopilot within and as my conscious-mind - I now see, realize and understand that continuing using/abusing self-consciousness/self-awareness will never be able to give myself the validation/recognition/acceptance I seek/search for, because in the end I was only trying/attaining/attempting to see/search for the validation/recognition to find myself somehow within and as the validation/recognition/acceptance - within this I do NOT accept or allow myself to continuously seek/search for validation/recognition/acceptance, because I was trying/attaining/attempting to find myself within and as all the feedback that I would be given, that somehow within and as all the validation/recognition/acceptance I could somehow find/search/seek for the me that actually felt real in some way, wherein the validation/recognition/acceptance would be what I use/abuse to make myself experience myself a certain way to no longer remain searching/finding/seeking some ME that didn't exist in the first place/never will be able to exist in the first place.

When and as I see myself suddenly/out of nowhere participating and experiencing myself as self-conscious/self-aware of who I am/have become in the moment/breath/chance/opportunity that I lost/not realizing that I am perfectly capable to assist/support myself to investigate the in's and out's on how I can utilize self-consciousness/self-awareness as a cool self-supportive tool for myself to ground myself here within and as this physical reality - therefore - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that being/becoming self-conscious doesn't mean I have to judge/diminish who I am/have become in a moment to not apply myself in another to in-fact realize that just because I've allowed my unconscious mind-attachments to/towards certain points, doesn't in any shape/form imply I must be/become freaked out to ever consider/take into consideration utilizing who I am/have become in a moment.

When and as I see myself participating/experiencing/limiting/enslaving myself to a mere idea/belief about who I am/which character I should/shouldn't present in the moment - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I merely trying/attaining/attempting to survive within and as this world-system to find/search some ME that will make everything a bit bearable for myself to no longer continuously search/seek for some validation/recognition/acceptance I could not find/will never be able to find.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when/as I am trying/attaining/attempting to search/find/seek some ME that felt real/honest/authentic in some way, I was in actuality screwing within and as myself because I in actuality self-created this ME as a separate personality that MUST somehow be found outside myself - within this I would continuously seek/search/find some validation/recognition, and when I found some validation/recognition that apparently "resonated within and as myself" I would only be satisfied for a short-while because it was always/has always been from the starting-point of this idea/belief of this ME that didn't exist in the first place/never will be able to exist in the first place, therefore, I would continuously move around from one energy point to another until I would feel defeated/victimized, and so I would wait/waste/postpone my life away more so because I would make my entire life/process to be at this stand-still for not searching/seeking/finding the ME that didn't exist/never will be able to exist in the first place - to finally slowly but surely taking self-responsibility that this ME was only a character/personality to continuously spend my life/process walking around like some freaking leech that lived my entire life based on this one point of getting that validation/recognition/acceptance that actually "felt right" - I allowed myself to continuously spend my life trying/attaining/attempting to get some validation/recognition/acceptance, from the perspective that it always "felt wrong" because I wasn't in the end getting the long hall of validation/recognition/acceptance that would make the part of myself completely always unsatisfied to go away - I now see, realize and understand that continuing living my life based on searching/seeking/finding a ME that "resonates within and as myself" is complete bullshit, because I was only in the end remaining at the same stand-still, I've always been at this stand-still - only I just realized this point because I was too busy experiencing and participating in defeat/victimization when/as I didn't get the apparent validation/recognition/acceptance I was looking for in the end, so - in the end I was looking for something that all of us spend our lives searching for: Ourselves, I do NOT accept or allow myself to continuously play the character game over and over and over again, I in-fact stop myself to continuously bullshit myself to finding/searching/seeking for some ME that was only an idea/belief of who I should/shouldn't, MORE CHARACTERS!!!!!!!

To Be Continued...

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Day 14 - Giving up is all we've done - Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in the give up character to such an extent that it became backchat that I'm too useless - within this I'm creating ideas/beliefs that someone must be something in order to get something done - therefore - I allow myself to think/believe I'm not good enough/not capable of assisting/supporting myself because apparently I must be the idea/projection of what society thinks/believes is good/enough/capable to get something done because I allowed society to become my perfect justification/excuse to not assist/support - within this I knew exactly what I was doing when I was claiming/assuming I am/will always be too useless because I abdicated my self-responsibility deliberately/purposely for myself to remain in pure bliss because now I can sit on my ass and not do anything that will actually be practical for myself to assist/support myself to actually get everything done to the best of my ability - therefore - I now see realize and understand that claiming/assuming I'm not good enough/capable will only end up in me compounding the point further to the point of diminishment point, wherein - I think/believe I am too useless and in actuality I was only fueling/powering the I give up character to not get daily tasks/assignments done because I knew then that would come to the point that my entire life would change because I would no longer be a slave to/towards characters but have to direct myself to be and become something worthy of life - therefore - there is nobody to blame, certainly not society because I am part of society and so I'm part of the whole of this world/reality to bring change to actually get shit done and have no excuses/justifications but not try/attempt to bite off more then I can chew just to proof to myself that I'm not a character - I allow myself to understand that I'm not a character but I'm certainly not a God that can get everything done and that is why humanity is a group and so we walk together to become self-willed equals that do not wait for God to come and save our asses just so we don't have to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the I give up character that I would allow myself to participate and experience the backchat that I'm too useless - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and give value to the I give up character to such an extent that I would diminish myself to think/believe that I'm useless, I mean the point of thinking/believing I'm useless would have to be a pure statement of how much I separated myself from myself because of assuming/claiming that I'm the scum on Earth because I've allowed myself to think/believe I am useless -therefore - become a victim to this world/reality that I'm nothing and cannot do anything because of the belief/idea that some idea/belief is bigger then me outside myself and that's why/how I'm useless - not seeing, realizing and understanding that its everyone in this world/reality that have allowed and accepted the fact that they are useless, I mean if everyone in this world/reality accepted themselves then wouldn't this world be completely different? I allow myself to see, realize and understand that if i continue becoming one and equal to the uselessness and only see myself as this uselessness then I know that I'm completely responsible for this outer-reality and this outer-reality is revealing that which we've denied within ourselves: The Point of self-responsibility, because many of us have claimed/assumed that we already have responsibilities but we don't - not really - because the responsibility that everyone is living right now in this world/reality involves self-interest to always survive and do anything to survive to compete in this world/reality and obviously surviving at this point with out current Money-system is essential but not with the current starting-point were living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I don't have what it takes to get everything done to the best of my ability that I allow myself to become the I give up character - not seeing, realizing and understanding that I already have everything that I need within this moment because there is absolutely no excuse/justification to not get everything done to my utmost potential because as long as I am part of the Elite then I'm completely responsible to bring about a change to this world/reality and frankly the last thing this world needs is another character to fuel/power the matrix to not change this world/reality because of a mere character - I now see, realize and understand that I will always have what it takes as long as I have the essentials to support myself in this world/reality - therefore - I have to walk this process because the clock is ticking and characters of the mind aren't putting food in children's bellies and the characters of the mind certainly aren't providing any assistance/support to those in poverty and so there is no choice not to walk this process to walk out of mind into the physical at the point because this world/reality is no picnic and its certainly not what it makes it out to be, thus, Time to walk the talk - I do not accept or allow myself to make excuses/justifications for myself to give up myself because the most I accept this point I am giving up on life and so when I'm assuming/claiming that me giving up on myself will not hurt anybody this is just proof on how we as human beings have given up on life in every seemingly way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect/attach another dimension to the I give up character by/through participating and experiencing the backchat that I might as well wallow in depression because I don't deserve to support myself -therefore - I allow myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as deserving something but DIS-SERVING Life in every possible way to not stand up to actually understand that there are no victims because everyone here is self-responsible and giving up on ourselves will only allow the atrocity to continue endlessly - within this point I have to stop because this entire starting-point of humanity thinking/believing were al victims to the system is bullshit and will always be bullshit because we as humanity are actually relieved to the world-system doing all the work to enslave humanity for us to sit on our asses and complain/whine that all we are is victims and we cannot do anything - therefore - its this mind-set that has allowed us to never change this world/reality and stop the reLIEf to never take self-responsibility to always in-fact never bring about anything worthy of living because of always living the point of giving up - instead of not seeing, realizing and understanding that we as humanity have given up a long time ago and keep giving up and even the faces of children on the television starving to death or the death of a loved one from a drug-addiction still don't allow us to change this world/reality by/through changing ourselves and so all what we do is continue what we do best: Give up. Time to face the music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I am too stupid to get anything done to the best of my ability - within this I allow myself to think/believe that one must be the polarized opposite in order to get anything done and so I'm not taking into consideration that intelligence is what has slaved us for generations and what has actually made us stupid to give up on ourselves by/through always chasing/finding/attaining some sort solution that always involved some sort of formula that was always outside of self and never actually considered living knowledge/information for what is best for all - to in-fact understand that investigating this world/reality is the only way were going to bring any change to stop everyone to become just another philosopher that will soon be forgotten - I now see, realize and understand that the assumption/belief/idea that one must store enough information and recite it precisely and maybe only then I'm good enough/capable to get anything done to the best of my ability - therefore - I allow myself to stop the polarity of chasing/finding/attaining society's view of intelligence to in-fact bring about any change and so I allow myself to understand that knowledge/information has never/will never save humanity but only compound/perpetuate this world/reality to always remain enslaved to knowledge/information that we never even understood in the first place. How can someone understand knowledge/information when they aren't living it?

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that its knowledge/information that has become the key ingredient to the I give up character because that is all what people do in their lives in our current world-system: chase/find/attain some knowledge/information because we gave up on ourselves and we knew and so we've chased/found/attained some point of knowledge/information to hide/suppress the point of not taking self-responsibility and so chasing/finding/attaining this knowledge/information would somehow make up for/cover up what which we always knew within ourselves that we've always given up on Life in every way possible - therefore - I now see, realize and understanding that this game of morality to chase/find/attain some piece of knowledge/information was always a cover up to make up for what we've done to ourselves and to Life - therefore - every decision has a triple affect - someone decides to live their entire life chasing/finding/attaining knowledge/information the world does the same - someone decides to live by/through a principle of is best for all - Who knows what will happen? I allow myself to live the decision of walking our of the mind into the physical because I know within myself that this process is the only thing to do because this world/reality has only become another place to become another philosopher chasing/finding/attaining some gold platter to justify and excuse our self-interest to not stand up for life.

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