DAY 75: To the Best of My Ability

~Picture of me sitting at my computer, writing out points that I am not integrating to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought as image of me sitting at my computer, writing out points that I am not integrating to the best of my ability - to exist within and as myself, wherein I will in the moment actually purposely/deliberately write myself out from the starting-point of not integrating the writing as an actual self-realization, because I will during the moment I am writing and before hand I am about to write myself out, a little voice will pop up telling me that I am being dishonest and need to STOP, take a look at my starting-point and MOVE MYSELF, for real, in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely/deliberately shove aside the voice of reason - to look inside myself in terms of common-sense - where I will accept and allow myself to shove aside support from to take a step back and look at my starting point - without practically looking at why/how I am shoving aside common-sense in the first place - to no longer remain writing within and as a starting-point of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able or worthy within and as writing myself to freedom to the best of my ability - wherein I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must write a certain way in order to get my point across - not seeing/realizing/understanding that as I am wanting/desiring to get my point across I end of somewhere in my mind, trying/attaining/attempting to reach this idea/belief about how incompetent/less than I am to never be able to possibly assist/support in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I MUST get a point across to someone or something outside myself within and as writing for people to be able to understand what I am pointing out in the first place - wherein I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I MUST continuously find a magnificent point for someone to be able to understand what I am point out - not seeing/realizing/understanding that the point is here and there is nobody to prove myself to, in the first place - because all is HERE, and thus I allow myself to LIVE this to my fullest potential, NOT squandering each opportunity after another because I believe that I am not worthy or not able to even realize that everything is here in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume and perceive that I am too incompetent/less than to actually realize that everything is here, and thus there is nothing to point out in the first place - because I have lived my entire Life, assuming/perceiving that I am too something to actually LIVE to my fullest potential, and thus writing has become the exact same matter for myself - not seeing/realizing/understanding that one doesn't have to be something in order to apparently deserve realizing that everything is here, because that would just be a contradiction to what Equality & Oneness in fact means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I since I am apparently something like being incompetent/less than, then I cannot realize how to LIVE to my fullest potential, like integrating the words that I am writing to my fullest potential - because I have mind-projected certain characteristics as deserving or non-deserving of actually being free to LIVE - not seeing/realizing/understanding that this is a confirmation how I have a limited perception about what freedom in fact means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mind-project certain assumptions about certain characteristics and within this give them certain values and definitions, that which would give someone a polarity mind-fuck of good/bad rewards that the person would acquire within and as their particular characteristic - not seeing/realizing/understanding the key word here, CHARACTER, thus - I now see, realize and understand that if I continue mind-projecting assumptions about what people will deserve, then I will spend my Life never in fact integrating anything remotely to my utmost potential - because at the end of the day it will be about which character would win/lose in the Game of Life - to continuously live a life full of survival and competition that was only about moving from one polarity to another.

When/as/if the thought as image of me sitting at my computer, writing out points that I am not integrating to the best of my ability -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE - I realize that I am purposely/deliberately setting myself up to never in fact integrate the words as an actual practical-living solution, because I was too busy shoving the voice of reason telling me to take a step back and re-look at my starting-point - I commit myself to indeed stop, take a deep breath, and MOVE MYSELF, because I allow myself to SLOW DOWN - to not squander what is real and tangible to walk the talk.

When/as/if I believe that I am not able or worthy within and as writing myself to freedom -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE - I realize that the key word here is FREEDOM, that which is including everyone here within and as this world/reality, including myself, to no longer squander a perfect structure that is writing because of belittling myself - I commit myself to become humble, and realize that everyONE here in this world/reality is one and equal, and thus writing is the same matter.

To Be Continued...

Related articles

• Day 128: Nothing to do with Me character part 2 (adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.com)
• 168. Thoughts as Self-Created Resistance (marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com)
• The Accumulation of Moments Squandered - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 147 (anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
• Day 155: Oh MY God, I've Lost it (cathy4worldequality.wordpress.com)
• Day 63: Effective Writing pt. 2 (adriansjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
• 172. Creating Excuses instead of Solutions (marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com)
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DAY 74: Comparing Myself to Death

Death found an author writing his life.. Designed & done on stone by E. Hull. Printed by C. Hullmandel. London, Dec. 1827. ihm.nlm.nih.gov/luna/servlet/detail/NLMNLM~1~1~101393235~... read 'Death's Ramble' - a poem by Thomas Hood that these images were drawn for or inspired by www.gutenberg.org/files/15652/15652-h/15652-h.htm#poem_99 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

~Picture of me sitting at the computer, comparing myself to all the other Destonian's writings.

Oh boy, now this image of me sitting on the computer, comparing myself to all the other Destonian's writings I find much resistance writing out, because I in actuality have self-created this point to be something I must be embarrassed about in relation to this particular point. I have never been much of a writer throughout my life, and so I have a lot of confusion about how I am 'suppose' to write. And I can definitely see how I must in essence stop creating all these mixed up perceptions about how I am suppose to write – because really, writing myself out from the starting-point of comparing myself to others writing because I don't know how to write or knew how to write from the get go is pure self-sabotage as self-judgment. Because yes, I have never gathered the tools to write myself out throughout my time in school – but, I am more then able to create my own language to no longer assume/perceive that I must constantly assess other people's writings to see if my structure is good/bad – so I allow myself to simply focus on who I am witihin and as writing to no longer play out unnecessary mind-fucks for myself. So – this definitely ties into why/how I am not living my words at the moment – because I am CONsuming myself by/through the starting-point to reach this place that is apparently acceptable within and as writing and so I have actually bought into the CONsumption to what words have become – knowledge and information to finally reach some solution that will lead to the satisfaction that is only in the end another character/personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing because of the embarrassment I have self-created in relation to comparing myself to other Destonian's writings because I am quite certain that it was irrelevant in the first place, or that I would end up in a time-loop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base who I am within and as writing on comparison to how others are doing, thus never allowing myself to investigate the points that which I knew were bullshit in the first place - but would instead react in embarrassment about who I am within and as writing, but could instead IN-VEST-I-GATE that which I have projected so much resistance to not investigate in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide I am must compare myself to others in relation to writings before I have even understood the gift that is writing, and to thus then react in embarrassment about what I have become in relation to writing because of already believing that I am incompetent within and as writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately/purposely place myself as incompetent within and as writing where I would end up continuously comparing myself to other Destonian's writings to give myself certain values and definitions, but to instead investigate the part that knew that it was all bullshit in the end and thus investigate who I am/could be to no longer react in embarrassment about who I am/have become to in fact LIVE what I am writing out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret mind-projections of how i want my writing to be presented as, and when those mind-projections of how I want myself to write meet my mind reality, I react in embarrassment that I should've listened to the voice that called it bullshit in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately/purposely place myself on this pedestal within and as writing - because I am assessing my writing to everyone's else's to see if mine is somehow good/bad, thus giving my power away as being the self-directive principle of my world/reality within and as writing, as I've allowed words to become my worst enemy without realizing that it is I the Creator of my world/reality that allowed myself to become my worst enemy to who I am within and as words to ensure that I remain the same, thus not seeing/realizing/understanding that it is until the I to in fact no longer squander the chance/opportunity that is writing, that I can in fact see the I's to no longer remain a characterization built up to purposely/deliberately break myself down to time-loop over and over, until I am eventually dead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within using/abusing words, accept and allow the inevitable self-abuse, as I am in fact manipulating myself to continuously rely on someone else's words as a reference point, thus not seeing/realizing/understanding that it is I the Creator that can only in the end see who I am within and as my words to stand as my reference-point, within realizing that I am the words I speak - because the words I speak are one and equal as myself, thus giving myself the full self-responsibility that is living our words here in this one life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish who I am/could be within and as writings due to a constant comparison to my writings being acceptable in the I's of my mind which I believed would assist/support myself to finally write myself out, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the cross-referencing of other's writings somehow be the true answer to write myself out to give me the satisfaction that is my acceptance masked into/as how I am projecting my words in the moment to be good/bad, as I only was furthering myself to remain within and as separation in relation to words to continuously compromise/abuse/sabotage who I am/could be within writing, not realizing that the key to finally assisting/supporting myself was in fact mySELF to allow myself to truly LIVE.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be the self-directive principle of my life, as I was only focusing on what I wasn't doing within and as writing and only placing myself in comparison in the end to assume/perceive that I am assisting/supporting myself - not seeing/realizing and understanding that it is the I's of myself that create characterization within and as me; to be/become a character to never see the I that could in fact see - as this is which is best for all -  anything less than deliberately/purposely not seeing the I's of myself is crazy, as I am actually limiting/enslaving myself to give myself the acceptance that only existed on a mind-energy level.

I commit myself to never accept anything less than who I can actually truly LIVE by/through actually writing myself to freedom - thus I do not allow myself to compare my writings to other Destonian's because of the mind-projections I have self-created within and as my mind, but set myself free through ending the enslavement that I have allowed as my mind to in fact actually write, that which is real and tangible.

I commit myself to - when/as/if an image of me sitting on the computer, comparing myself to all the other Destonian's writings -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE, as I now see, realize and understand that I was trying/attaining/attempting to give myself certain values and definitions within and as writing based on the mind-assessment I would gather from other Destonian's writings.

Related articles

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• 168. Thoughts as Self-Created Resistance
• Day 132: DESTENI Character - Self-Forgiveness / Commitments (Part2)
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• Day 137: The Liar Character part 7
• WORK/JOB and Automated Negative Experience - Self Corrections (Cont) - An Artists Journey To Life: day 149
• Day 63: Effective Writing pt. 2

DAY 73: Less Is More

~Picture of me writing out looooooong points with a frown on my face, jumping from one point to another.
~Picture of me writing out shooooort points with a frown on my face.
~Picture of me sitting at the computer, comparing myself to all the other Destonian's writings
~Picture of me sitting at my computer, writing out points that I am not integrating to the best of my ability.
~Picture of me looking at my writing with a frown on my face.
~Picture of me looking at my writing with a frown on my face, when I am finished for the day.
~Picture of me falling asleep in the middle of writing.

~Picture of me writing out shooooort points with a frown on my face.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to fully consider and realize that an image of me writing out shooooort points with a frown on my face is only my mind - thus I realize that there are no shooooort points or loooong points - but what is in fact here in each and every moment, in each and every breath, that which will not lead to an inevitable character of compromise/abuse/sabotage - instead - I recreate myself here in each myself to no longer purposely/deliberately lose a perfect chance/opportunity to see who I am, within and as writing myself to freedom, for real, in fact.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought as image of me writing out shooooort points with a frown on my face, to exist within and as me - especially and specifically in relation to trying/attaining to utilize this thought as the perfect scapegoat for myself to no longer write myself out, and thus manipulating myself that I might as well give up because I have projected writing shoooooort points as myself being/becoming lazy/undisciplined.

Within this - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow an image within and as my mind signify that I am apparently lazy/undisciplined, wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of what makes or breaks someone to be lazy/undisciplined - and thus due to holding onto these memories I created/generated an experience of self-judgment when/as I am writing myself out, thus refusing to see/realize/understand that the experience of self-judgment is not in actuality a solution, but the fact that I am manipulating myself within and as self-judgment because I've no matter if my writing was long or short, I was defining from something outside myself
- as I now see, realize and understand that no matter the quantity of my writing, I focus on the quality of who I am within and as writing - to in fact integrate my realizations to actually walk the talk - to no longer squander a chance/opportunity to re-create myself here in this one life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist writing myself to freedom because I have convoluted writing into/as a point of either writing loooooong points or shooooort points - and thus within this would miss the actual chance/opportunity it is to write myself out, in the first place - not seeing/realizing/understanding that it is quite a chance/opportunity to even have the choice/decision to write myself out or not - to actually judge myself within and as my writing or not - because I have allowed writing myself out became self-sabotage - a point that which I found only self-judgment in, I have used to diminish me, I have NOT used to actually assist/support, I have NOT used to integrate the knowledge/information to in fact be/become a realization to walk my talk - as I now see, realize and understand how I talked myself into/as my mind to not simply see writing as it is, and thus actually LIVE what writing should actually be HERE within and as this world/reality - to in fact walk the talk - to create a platform of writing that doesn't involve self-judgment, in that to LIVE for REAL - to create a solution by/through writing myself to freedom, that which will actually bring about true freedom, True Freedom that involves All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to self-honestly admit to myself that being self-judging the picture-presentation of my writing being categorized as short/long because the starting point within all that I ever written was never FOR self, and thus I would place my writings into boxes for myself to never in fact stand, as it was never writing myself to freedom to begin with, but was based on separation from the whole within my starting-point to not LIVE self-honesty - as I now see, realize and understand that it's not about what I am NOT Living, but what I am currently living as, because anyone can spend their lives living for an immense amount of years and never realize the chance/opportunity it is to not give into/as self-judgment - because I've allowed my entire Life to be filled within/as placing myself into boxes that only revolved around limitation/enslavement - not seeing/realizing/understanding that this was just another judgment that I used/abused to squander my chance/opportunity to in fact LIVE.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to self-honestly face the extent to which I have limited/enslaved myself to place myself in boxes, that only ever involved seeing any door of opportunity to see something that I must mind-project to place into/as categories, wherein I had taken writing as an energetic game for my ego so that I would not have to face myself within and as writing, for real, believing that I could continuously live out writing as knowledge/information - yet, the knowledge/information never in fact was living in the first place to live out, as I was not actuality valuing nor caring about or for myself in anyway, but instead only remained squandering each door of opportunity, such as writing - to in fact live for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stepping out of character within and as writing, because then I would have to trust myself that I would UN-MASK the characters that exist within and as me, and that I would stand up until Life has in fact assisted/supported ALL life-forms here in this physical reality - thus I forgive myself that I instead talked myself into believing that I would be okay to remain placing my writings into/as categories - to furthermore remain judging myself, as I saw clearly that if I in fact wrote myself to freedom, no matter what, there would be absolutely nowhere to hide, no more self-judgment to hide behind - because I would in fact see who I have and have become to see how I have suppressed/covered up from self-judgment to live in self-judgment for the rest of my life - to in fact realize how I have allowed myself to hide behind words that is writing when/as I finally learned how to give certain words values and definitions - to not see how I am squandering the chance/opportunity that is purifying words here in this one Life.

I commit myself to when/as/if this thought as image of me writing out shooooort points with a frown on my face -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE to in fact ensure that I realize in fact that writing that is long/short has absolutely no value - because I allow myself to see WHO I AM within and as writing - to in fact LIVE - I allow myself to when/as I am writing to take it slow - to take into consideration what is real and tangible for me to walk within and as this world/reality - without the interference that is self-judgment - but simply take each word that is typed integrated within and as me to bring about a self-realization that I will allow me to in fact walk the talk here in this one life - to re-create myself within and as writing for real, in fact.

I commit myself to when/as/if this thought as image of me writing out shooooort points with a frown on my face -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE, as I now see, realize and understand that writing has been a mind-projection game, wherein I over-analyze my words to the extent that I place myself into/as categories of being disciplined/lazy by/through the length of the words that I am writing out - I allow myself to be and become humble - without the interference of self-judgment - but simply understand that I AM HERE to gift myself within and as writing - to no longer judge myself based on what I am not or who I am currently living here as, creating myself for real, that which is best for this REALity.

To Be Continued...

Day 72: How Writing Could Become a Trap

 This is a continuation to Day 71: Writing Is Hard (Or Is It?)
~Picture of me writing out looooooong points with a frown on my face, jumping from one point to another.
~Picture of me writing out shooooort points with a frown on my face.
~Picture of me sitting at the computer, comparing myself to all the other Destonian's writings
~Picture of me sitting at my computer, writing out points that I am not integrating to the best of my ability.
~Picture of me looking at my writing with a frown on my face.
~Picture of me looking at my writing with a frown on my face, when I am finished for the day.
~Picture of me falling asleep in the middle of writing.

~Picture of me writing out looooooong points with a frown on my face, jumping from one point to another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I MUST write out everything structured in a very looooooong structure to be able to be/become specific.

I forgive myself for accepting and myself to believe that I MUST write out everything structured in a very loooooong structure to be able to be/become specific, as an obligation - and thus within this would allow writing out to be and become a duty/obligation that I MUST complete a certain way, compromising/sabotaging/abusing myself in the process, to be and become a duty/obligation - not seeing/realizing/understanding that writing is for SELF - because I was too busy writing out from the starting-point that it MUST be done in a way that is apparently matching up to specificity, I have used/abused specificity as a idea/belief, and thus would compromise/sabotage/abuse myself in the process - as I now see, realize and understand how I've allowed writing to be/become a duty/obligation - because I haven't allowed myself to realize that writing is for SELF - as an anchor of support to express myself, absolutely and specifically.

I forgive for accepting and allowing myself to write from the starting point of obligation/duty, as "something I must do in a very non-tangible way" - because I have allowed writing to be/become just another form of limitation/enslavement, I have used to enclose myself to myself, and thus would lose myself within and as writing from a starting-point of being/becoming an obligation/duty - not seeing/realizing/understanding that I am setting myself up for falling in this process of re-birthing myself within and as this one life, and thus I am merely squandering a perfect chance/opportunity to in fact write myself out - to in fact walk my talk here in this one life - as I now see, realize and understand how I've consulted writing as just another character - because I have allowed writing to be/become a duty/obligation - to remain playing it safe - instead - I take a deep breath - to give myself a moment to gift myself the chance/opportunity to re-look at my starting-point of writing to in fact be/become a door of opportunity - to un-MASK the characters that I play-out when/as I am writing myself out, that which will inevitably bring about change that is best for all life, that which is also best for me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to REALize how writing out looooong or shoooooort writings have nothing to do with specificity, as specificity is realizing a point - and thus within this expanding the realization to in fact get to the root of how I have allowed writing to be/become something a chore/obligation, and thus I would jump from one point to another - because I wasn't in actuality writing myself out, as specificity doesn't imply the length - as I now see, realize and understand that if that were the case than everyONE would realize what an actual chance/opportunity it is to in fact write in the first place - because for gazillions of years - writing has been a chore/obligation, and thus we would write out empty words that are are left by/through interpretation - to never in fact actually see what is here, in that which is no longer seeing into the veil of the mind - to create a platform of seeming within and as the body, NOT the mind, creating a solution that is best for all, that which is best for all, and thus within this would allow INTO-ME-SEE be/become a door of opportunity, that which will allow ourselves to no longer remain blind.

I forgive for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that writing out loooooong points or short points makes a difference on how I am actually expanding myself, including who I am within and as specificity - because I have allowed writing to be/become a ground of judgment to see myself as superior or inferior, and thus I have squandered a perfect door of opportunity to equalize myself to in fact integrate the words that I am writing out, one by one, no longer limiting/enslaving myself, and thus would instead in fact learn to write all over again - as I now see, realize and understand that I've correlated writing within and as knowledge/information - to treat writing like a chore/obligation - because I gave into what I was taught throughout my life on what writing should/shouldn't be used for in the first place - instead - I allow myself to in fact write myself to freedom, for real, in that which is tangible, that which will allow me to grow/develop/expand myself, in all ways possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist writing myself to freedom because I have judged this point, including myself, as "something bigger than myself" - and thus within this would allow a image of me writing out loooooong points with a frown on my face, jumping from one point to another, to exist within and as myself - as I now see, realize and understand how I've correlated specificity in relation to writing out loooooong points - because I have allowed writing myself out become self-sabotage - a point which I have found self-judgment in, I have used to diminish me, I have used as something to be/become inferior, and thus would define myself as superior in regards to someone giving me positive feed back - not seeing/realizing/understanding that the feed back that I give has absolutely nothing to do within and as how I am actually assisting/supporting myself, and thus I am merely pulling a huuuuuuge polarity mind-fuck game to instead stop, take a deep breath - to create a platform of writing, in that which is tangible - yet specific - to create a solution that is best for all, that which is best for me.

I commit myself to when/as/if this thought as image of me writing out loooooong points, jumping from one point to another -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE to in fact ensure that I no longer treat writing as another characterization for me to never un-mask the characters of who I am within and as writing - because I have treated writing as a chore/obligation - to merely get gone - instead - I allow myself myself to realize that writing is a door of opportunity to realize who I am/have been - without the interference of the mind - but simply gift myself the chance/opportunity to realize that writing is here - to re-create myself that which is best for all life, that which is also best for me.

I commit myself to when/as/if this thought as image of me writing out looooong points, jumping from one point to another -- I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE to in fact ensure that specificity does not mean/imply how long/short I am writing myself out - but simply the starting-point to ALWAYS be SELF - because I have allowed myself to treat writing as a chore/obligation, something to finish/complete to get to the next task/assignment - I allow myself to realize that when/as/if I am treating writing as another to in fact stop - because this is a confirmation that I am not here as breath as self-expression - but instead I am busy in my mind to get to the next quickie, that which always involves being a slave/character to time, so - I allow myself to simply get back to REALity to no longer squander a chance/opportunity to expand myself, in all ways possible, for real in fact.

Related articles

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• 168. Thoughts as Self-Created Resistance
• 170. Positive Thinking Irresponsibility
• 167. Fearing is Not wanting to Change
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Day 71: Writing Is Hard (Or Is It?)

Okay, so - I've been having a lot of resistance to writing because I am quite self-aware that I am not changing in fact because I see/realize/understand it's because my current structure of writing is all over the place - not from the perspective of me judging my writings, but from a common-sense perspective that if I see that a point isn't working in my application, I must correct myself to the best of my ability, and so writing in a very looooooong manner doesn't in fact mean I am being specific in anyway, but who I am within and as the starting-point of writing myself out. I also fear that if I start writing out points more simplistically, that I will seen as lazy/undisciplined, which is quite fascinating because my writing from the get go wasn't in fact me actually disciplining myself to the best of my ability because I wasn't living my words - lol. So - I have placed myself in quite a mind-fuck, though I allow myself to get back to reality to in fact see/realize/understand that specificity doesn't in anyway mean or imply having long ass pages of words that I am not living in the first place - so, it's important for me to actually have a tangible structure to work on - to in fact change myself.

Psssshhh - I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I am now starting to realize that specificity doesn't in fact mean or imply that I must continuously write out some point that is only merely compounding/fueling/perpetuating by/through jumping from one point to another - not seeing/realizing/understanding what I am actually writing out in the first place because the self-corrective statements weren't tangible and I was too busy judging myself to actually realize what I am forgiving in the first place.

So, in essence I just put myself through a long ass time loop - lol - no worries - and so I allow myself to accept the point as it is to in fact move on, because the self-judgment I have put myself through in relation to writing is extensive and one of the most extensive points I have projected to myself - all because I had this idea/belief about what specificity in relation to writing in fact means. So - I accept in complete humbleness that if it takes me 1 time or a gazillion times to actually have a structure to in fact live here within and as this physical reality, then I accept the lovely challenge to get to know myself over and over, until I am in fact alive.

It's quite fascinating how one can have one idea/belief about something and allow it to continue for an immense amount of time because of this idea/belief, that it leaves the perfect door of opportunity that is writing to be and become a place of sabotage/abuse/compromise to not in fact live our words. Because, - I frankly, don't want to abuse/compromise/sabotage a door of opportunity just because I've placed this idea/belief that writing is somehow "bigger than myself" - not seeing/realizing/understanding that writing becomes "bigger than myself" when/as I am separated myself from who I am/could actually be and become - because I am too projecting all these stupid illusions to writing, and so writing becomes something very difficult in my mind - because I am in fact separate from the words that I am presenting in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing as always remaining "bigger than myself."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing because of the various unconscious values and definitions I have unconsciously mind-projected to/towards writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project writing as "bigger than myself" and within this I react within and as fear - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that writing is here as I am here, and so it's irrelevant for me to place certain values and definitions because of Fear of Writing.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I have placed and given certain values and definitions to/towards writing, because I haven't allowed myself to trust myself here as the words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire to not face myself within and as writing instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that writing is simply writing, unless I am self-creating mind-projections that I have harbored to remain fearing who I am within and as writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self-create the idea/belief that writing is "bigger than myself" because the projections I have harbored to remain thinking, believing and perceiving that writing is needed/required to perfect specificity - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that perfection is not outside myself, but the purification of/as words to actually walk my talk.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that writing within and as the starting-point of being "bigger than myself" isn't going to assist/support myself to purify my relationship to words, as I am escaping who I am within and as writing to walk my talk, for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create writing as this world "bigger than myself"- and within that allow writing to exist from the starting-point of being hard/difficult/impossible - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how/why I am allowing myself to get suck in time-loops that only ever involved moving from one energy point to another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that writing is hard/difficult/impossible because I am trying/attaining/attempting to be and become "specific" - not seeing/realizing/understanding that I am reaching outward to purposely/deliberately remain assuming/perceiving that writing is and will always remain "bigger than myself."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to purposely/deliberately place myself in time-loops to remain assuming/perceiving that specificity is something outside myself to be and become, and so I am merely moving from one polarity to specificity to not-specificity - either way placing myself in an inevitable time-loop to never in fact face who I am within and as writing - because I have allowed FEAR to consume me in every way possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that specificity implies and/or means writing out long ass statements that I am not even integrating - because I am too busy trying/attaining/attempting to be and become the idea/belief I have unconsciously mind-projected to/towards what specificity in fact means in the first place - not seeing/realizing/understanding that specificity within and as the starting-point of an illusional idea/belief will inevitably lead me to a time-loop that only ever involved more FEAR.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience FEAR to such an extent in relation to writing, that I never actually had made the choice/decision to place what is needed/required into alignment to assist/support myself - instead I've allowed myself to remain experiencing FEAR, because I wanted/desired to reach for a nonexistent specificity that only ever involved an idea/belief, at the end of the day.

When and as I see myself compromising/abusing/sabotaging the door of opportunity that is writing -- I stop and I breathe. I now see, realize and understand that writing is simply writing - unless it involves my own self-creation that involved illusionary mind-projections that never actually had allowed me to live my words as an expression of myself.

When and as I see myself experiencing FEAR because I experience writing "bigger than myself" -- I stop and I breathe - I now see, realize and understand that experiencing FEAR will only compound/fuel/power the FEAR I experience further to the point that I remain experiencing writing as an endless point that will never end - because I've allowed myself to throughout time accumulate energy, without any practical-application, I am of course going to have many points coming up to the surface, and so I commit myself to be and become patient within and as myself to in fact see/realize/understand that the FEAR I experience is not the end of the world, but simply showing/revealing how much FEAR I have accumulated throughout time about who I am in relation to writing.

I commit myself to investigate myself in how I experience writing in order to realize that writing isn't an of/as FEAR or even an experience in the first place, but an expression waiting to actually be lived here within and as this physical reality.

I commit myself to establish specificity by/through trusting myself within and as writing to no longer unconsciously accumulate FEAR in relation to something being and becoming "bigger than myself" - because everything is here, and so writing is here to actually enjoy myself - not accumulating FEAR, because I have unconsciously mind-projected tons of ideas/beliefs about what specificity in fact means in the first place.




To Definitely Be Continued...

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