Day 50: I May Be Living Someone Else's Life

This is a continuation to Day 49: Who Needs A Reminder to Actually Live?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I need/require someone/something to
tell me how to live my life - because I've forgotten what it actually means to be here in this life to walk this life to the best of my ability - instead I've allowed myself to live my life based on what other people think, believe and perceive I should be in my life/process - I've allowed myself to live my life as a puppet that will mold/shape the characterization because someone/something wants/desires something else from me - within this I abdicate my self-responsibility to actually trust myself in the moment to debunk within and as common-sense if I am compromising myself - therefore - I am in actuality taking my power away from myself because I am determining who I am/could be because of someone's idea/belief/assumption/perception of what I apparently should do with my life, I am then screwing with myself because I made the choice/decision to not realize for myself what it means to actually be here in this Life to even have the freaking choice/decision to live my apparent life or someone else's idea/belief/assumption/perception of what life should/shouldn't be - in this I now understand that it's not about living MY life or someone else's idea/belief/assumption/perception of what life should/shouldn't be - because the key point was ALWAYS living a Life that is taking everyone into consideration - to in-fact realize for myself that my entire life I've lived everything within and as some limited/enslaved box to actually call that Life, and so I've never had considered/taken into consideration those that don't even have the choice/decision to even have a choice/decision in the first place - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I MUST live my Life based on what is Best for All to the point that if/when someone/something wants/needs/desires me to live my Life a particular way I remain here within and as breath like a rock to take the stance within and as myself, "Till here no further," to in-fact walk this process to the best of my ability - because it's not only about WHERE I am in my life - it's also about WHO I AM in this Life - I do NOT accept or allow myself to make excuses/justifications to continuously live my idea/belief/assumption/perception of what other people think, believe and perceive Life should/shouldn't be and that includes myself - because I allow myself to take my power back to myself to live a Life that is taking into consideration everyone in this world/reality, and so I in-fact STOP myself to realize that if I am NOT living a Life that is taking into consideration everyone, I am then no longer living in the first place in anyway, whatsoever - Time to actually live for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need/require someone/something to tell where I am in my life - because I've become so clueless to what I've been doing within and as my life that I never had taken the time to investigate in common-sense who I am/could be in life in this moment - within this I life my life in complete ignorance because I think, believe and perceive that I know absolutely nothing about my life so I might as well ask someone else or wait/waste/postpone my life/process until some situation pops up for me to never take the stance within and as myself, "Until here no further," and so I don't make the choice/decision to trust myself in the moment - because I've allowed myself to take my power away to someone/something that is apparently superior/more than myself to ever investigate how/why I've separated myself from life to the extent that I don't realize for myself how much I've been clueless to what I've been doing with my life from the get go - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I've been clueless my entire life because I've never stopped to actually investigate what I am actually doing with my life to actually understand how I've been living my life in an complete inferiority/less than persona to always purposely/deliberately remain clueless to WHO I AM within and as this Life - because in self-honesty it was never what I've been with this Life but who I am/could be to actually trust myself in every moment to be here - I realize now that it takes trust to actually be/become the self-directive principle of my Life to actually be/become Life - in this I can see clearly that trust involves myself taking my power back to myself to actually be here within and as breath as self-expression, and so I've spent my entire Life inferior/less than myself/life.

Therefore, When and as I see myself living my Life in complete inferiority to wait/waste/postpone my life/process until some situation pops up for me to actually have the balls to move myself, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I am then living my life based on outside sources because I've never actually trust myself to investigate within and as self-honesty who I am/could be in this life - to in-fact commit myself to take my power back to myself - therefore - taking the stance within and as myself, "Until here no further," because I allow myself to understand that living my life based on what other people think, believe and perceive is completely crazy for I am the one that has to live within and as the daily choices/decisions I make - to actually make the choice/decision that isn't what is best for someone's self-interest or myself - because I allow myself to actually trust myself in every moment to be here as breath as self-expression - I commit myself to take my power back to myself - step by step - breath by breath - moment by moment - to in-fact stop the madness of living someone else's idea/belief/perception/assumption of what I am suppose to do in this Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life based on outside sources because I've never willed myself to trust myself; absolutely and specifically; to/towards what is Best for All Life - instead I have allowed myself to want/desire someone/something outside myself to tell me where I am within and as my life, because I haven't trusted myself to be/become my own cross-referencing point to understand that there will not always be someone/something there for me to rely on because at the end of the day I am alone, yet I am here as All as One as Equal - but I haven't realized for myself that I can see where I am in my life/process in a moment within and as self-honesty in any moment - within this when/as someone/something came along to tell me where I am I would strive for/find/search for situations/people that will give me insight because I've never actually trusted myself in the moment to debunk within and as common-sense what I am doing in a moment that isn't what is Best for All Life - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that if/when I am in the moment not trusting myself to investigate within and as self-honesty, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I realize that I MUST be/become my own stable foundation of trust - because if I actually understand who I have been/what I have become throughout my Life, then I would actually trust myself because at the end of the day I've allowed myself to NOT trust myself from the starting-point that all I need/require is some/something to tell me where I am within and as my process/life, and so I've allowed me trust to be/become a mere automated systematic program that never had taken the time to realize that cross-referencing can be investigated within and as self-honesty - No Tricks Needed.

Therefore, When and as I see myself living my LI (f) e based on outsides sources because I won't will myself to trust myself in the moment to simply make a choice/decision based on common-sense - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that be/becoming my own cross-reference point is crucial because nobody can no more about how I've created my mind-shit more than myself, and so if I am not trusting myself to the extent that I think/believe and perceive that I need/require someone/something to tell me where I am throughout my life - then I've obviously separated myself from my mind and trust to NOT realize for myself that the moment I rely on someone/something outside myself to tell me where I am in my life - I am then separating myself from my self-direction to investigate for myself how/why I've self-sabotaged myself to live my life based on what someone/something tells me - therefore - I commit myself to trust myself for the first time and realize that I CAN trust myself in the moment within and as self-honesty just like anyone else, and so there is absolutely no excuse/justification to rely on someone/something to be/become my scapegoat to never trust myself in the moment.




To Be Continued...

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Day 42: In LIFE We Trust

This is a continuation to Day 41: What Does it Mean to Trust Yourself?

Trust (Photo credit: m-c)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that trusting people outside myself will make a difference - because I was in essence trying/attaining/attempting to not see, realize or understand that myself thinking/believing that I need/require someone/something to be trustworthy was a reflection of myself - I allowed myself to think/believe that someone/something MUST be trustworthy because I didn't equalize this point within and as myself - to in-fact understand for myself that self-trust was what I wasn't in actuality realizing for myself - to stand up within and as myself to understand that trust starts with myself to make a choice/decision that is always what is best for all to slowly but surely accumulate self-trust that will be in the interest of All - to NOT allow myself to compromise myself in the moment to think/believe that I MUST somehow be trustworthy to need/require someone/something to be loyal to myself - because I haven't allowed myself to in essence commit myself to a choice/decision to actually accumulate self-trust to stand on my own two feet - therefore - Trust doesn't in any shape/form mean I have to need/require someone/something outside myself - because I allow myself to when/as I'm making the choice/decision in a moment to in-fact breath in every moment to ensure that I won't need/require anyone/anything to compromise myself in the moment, and so I in-fact STOP myself - because Trust isn't something I choose in one moment and not take the practical action in the other - I allow myself to apply myself absolutely and specifically because if NOT myself, then I will compromise myself in the moment to NOT take my power back to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life to ensure that Self-Trust will be accumulated - slowly but surely - step by step - breath by breath - I now see, realize and understand that Trust starts within and as myself - because I no longer compromise in the moment to need/require someone/something because I stand on my own two feet to ensure that I be/become the self-directive principle - to take into consideration those that never even have the chance/opportunity to in-fact realize ourselves to accumulate Self-Trust - to realize in-fact that this process of equalizing ourselves to understand that if its not going to be US as the Elite to accumulate Self-Trust, then who will for us? I now see, realize and understand that Trust can in-fact be/become accumulated - step by step - breath by breath - if I actually take into consideration that when/as I'm making the choice/decision to apparently need/require someone/something outside myself I'm in actuality compromising myself and those in this world/reality that cannot have the chance/opportunity to even breath in every moment or to even take one deep breath in ONE moment - therefore - When and as I am NOT trusting myself - because I think/believe I need/require someone/something outside myself to be trustworthy to/towards myself, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I'm merely trying/attaining/attempting for someone/something outside myself to remind me unconsciously what I'm NOT willing within and as myself to equalize as myself.

I now see, realize and understand that Trust starts within and as myself - to realize that its myself at the end of the day that makes the choice/decision to Trust myself in ONE moment to breath - step by step - moment by moment - breath by breath - I now realize that its myself that makes the choice/decision to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life - therefore - someone/something can never/will never be able to make me trust myself - because I would merely be in the same boat, and it would be me making the choice/decision in the moment to in-fact be here as breath - because I wanted/desired someone/something outside myself to make me trust myself, I now understand that Trust can not be forced from a person/situation - I would then be screwing within and as myself because it wouldn't be myself that was making the choice/decision to in-fact walk this process of Equality & Oneness - but I was merely driven by FEAR to TRUST myself - therefore - I allowed myself to think/believe that Trust can be a accumulated from an energetic starting-point that was my own self-interest to not take into account the interest of All to ever have the chance/opportunity to even Trust themselves - Trust is a tricky thing, from a certain perspective - Trust in this current world-system only involves the majority that actually have the essentials to survive in this world/reality, I mean, The Elite have the chance/opportunity to in-fact birth ourselves as Life to bring about an Equal Money System for those that cannot even take ONE breath - Trust is an key ingredient to being/becoming the self-directive principle of our lives to in-fact realize for ourselves that we as the Elite have the chance/opportunity to change ourselves to in-fact bring about a change to this world - step by step - moment by moment - breath by breath - So, it's our job as the Elite to NOT screw it up to actually walk ourselves out of our minds to no longer waste/wait postpones our lives for Trust can never/will never be able to be created if its not created from/as the Creator in the first place - to in essence be/become the self-directive principle of our world/reality and to realize that this takes an immense amount of self-honesty on our parts to no longer screw within and as ourselves and screw with the lives of those that could actually have the chance/opportunity to in-fact breath - to actually trust ourselves as another and NOT be driven by a mere piece of paper that gives is our Destiny/Purpose to actually have the chance/opportunity to Create ourselves here in this world/reality - therefore - Self-Trust will be the key to be/become a Creator that actually was creating in the first place - NOT needing/requiring anyone/anything to show/reveal to ourselves what we don't see in ourselves because as a Creator I will for the first time be able to - slowly but surely see myself in every moment - step by step - moment by moment - breath by breath.

To Be Continued...

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Day 38: I Cannot Trust Myself

This is a continuation to Day 37: You Won't Be Alive Forever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in THINKING to such an extent that I have separated myself from what it means to actually be here in this physical reality because I assumed/perceived that I might as well drown myself within and as my thoughts for I have allowed myself to have entirely no actual trust in myself to in-fact change - within this I didn't allow myself to understand that I will never be able to trust myself if I'm continuously drowning myself within and as thoughts to assume/perceive that everything is pointless/meaningless, and so I might as well completely forget about trusting myself breath by breath - moment by moment - therefore - I would deliberately/purposely participate and experience myself as someone that has entirely given up oneself/life because I was too busy having a pity party to ever in-fact consider/take into consideration that I cannot ever trust myself if I'm willing myself to completely eradicate my self-responsibility to actually trust myself, I mean, its quite bizarre I'm participating in self-pity within and as growing myself into and as thoughts because I apparently cannot change - change is accumulated breath by breath, step by step, and so myself thinking/believing that trust is magically going to be/become an expression of myself is ludicrous because I now understand that trust must be walked over a period of time to in-fact change myself - therefore - if I'm willing myself to put so much attention to myself not trusting myself, I am in essence not going to trust myself because I have self-created the idea/belief/assumption/perception that trust is something I can attain/find/seek/reach for, wherein - in-fact I was only perpetuating/compounding/powering/fueling my self-interest to play the pity card because I am apparently a victim to trust - I am a victim to myself - I mean, abusing myself simply because I won't will myself to accumulate self-trust is pretty stupid - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely participating in thoughts because I've allowed myself to self-manipulate myself within and as the idea/belief/assumption/perception that I apparently cannot change because I think/believe that only certain people can accumulate self-trust, and self-trust can apparently only be realized within and as self by/through something/someone - in this my entire starting-point on trust was never simply moving myself in the moment to in-fact realize that all it takes at the end of the day is a commitment to breath in every moment, and if I miss a breath no self-judgment needed because I allow myself to humble myself to not continuously play the pity card for I have assumed/perceived that I might as feel drown myself in thoughts because I've self-created the idea/belief/assumption/perception that I cannot change myself - I now see, realize and understand that if I self-create the expectation for myself to inevitably fall or any expectation at all that's what I've limited/enslaved myself to be/become, equal and one, and so this starting-point will perpetuate/compound/power/fuel itself sooner or later until I really actually realize that change is here in every moment as breath - therefore - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue growing myself within and as thoughts from the starting-point that I apparently cannot change - When and as I see myself trying/attaining/attempting to drown myself in thoughts, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that these thoughts have been my perfect scapegoat to not in-fact understand how/why I've allowed myself to self-create backdoors for myself to in actuality trust myself - I commit myself to STOP to be/become self-aware of my breathing by/through apply the 4-count breath for myself to no longer screw with myself that I must punish myself to get out of actually changing myself for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that only certain people/situations can allow me to actually in-fact trust myself - therefore - I limited/enslaved myself to NOT actually investigate that I was self-creating criteria for how someone suppose to (apparently) attain trust - in this I did not consider/take into consideration that trust cannot be attain because that would mean more separation for myself to not understand that trust is here in every moment of every breath, if I so dare myself to realize this actualization to in-fact bring about change within and as myself - to understand that its not about anyone or anything, and so nothing can give me confirmation or validation that I'm changing, I change myself here within and as this moment, slowly but surely - I allow myself to in-fact trust myself as All as One as Equal - I now see, realize and understand that trying/attaining/attempting to be/become trust from an outside source is ludicrous because I understand that I'm able to assist/support myself, slowly but surely, to in-fact self-trust myself fro real within and as writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, breathing and actually living my words to actually change for real - When and as I see myself limiting/enslaving myself by/through thinking/believing that only certain people/situations can allow me to trust myself, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that there is no criteria within and as committing myself to Life to in-fact trust myself to simply be/become aware of my breathing - I commit myself to really in-fact trust myself because I now understand there is nothing special/superior/important that I need/require because my process is here within and as this moment, and so I allow myself to let the bullshit stop by/through in-fact committing myself to this process of walking out of my mind and into this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and experience myself as someone that is limited/enslaved to/towards self-pity because I'm apparently hopeless/uselessness - I assume/perceive that I'm inferior to change, and that I don't have what it takes to change myself to in-fact self-trust myself - in this I have diminished myself to ever take my power back to myself to in essence actually take the practical-application required for myself to really commit myself to this process - therefore - I have been merely screwing with myself the entire time because I've been too busy drowning myself within and as thoughts because I have compromised myself in every possible way to in actuality no longer continue playing the self-sabotage game to always pity myself - I allowed myself to diminish myself purposely/deliberately because I'm absolutely fearful of coming out of my cocoon of self-diminishment to in-fact wake up from this time-loops of never being the change - I now see, realize and understand there is nothing to fear because I am here, and so self-judgment has merely been my mind-game to remain inferior to change because its all I ever know, I have become comfortable to enslavement/limitation and is another confirmation how much we've diminished ourselves to in actuality get off our asses to walk this process of walking out of the mind and into this physical reality - therefore - When and as I see myself limiting/enslaving myself to walk this process within and as self-pity, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand I was only manipulating others and ultimately myself to ever consider/take into consideration that THINKING is how I've allowed myself to judge myself in every possible way to the extent that I do absolutely nothing to move myself within and as this physical reality - I commit myself to trust myself for the first time in my life by/through actually walking myself out of my mind and into this physical because its only until then do I understand that trust comes by consistent application, and so I have only been playing the pity card to do do everything in my delusional power to not trust myself to simply be here.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I'm not a victim to trust, I am only a victim to myself because I'm the one that made the choice/decision to drown myself within and as thoughts - in this I didn't consider/take into consideration that its me at the end of the day that decides who I am/could be because I am the Creators that Created my reality, and so its my self-responsibility to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life - therefore - I allow myself to realize that i'm merely trying/attaining/attempting to place/project blame onto something outside myself because I am not willing to accept self-responsibility that I'm a victim to myself, from the perspective I will deliberately/purposely use/abuse myself to maintain my limitation/enslavement, I mean, obviously if I actually allowed myself to walk this process of Equality & Oneness I wouldn't be a victim to trust because trust would naturally be/become apart of myself as an expression of who I am/could be - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that everything within and as my inner-reality I have the power to take the stance within and as myself to in-fact change by/through humbling myself slowly but surely to in actuality trust myself, and so trust obviously cannot be found somewhere because trust is here in every moment of every breath waiting to be/become realization to actual self-change.

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