Day 68: I Fear Change

This is a continuation to Day 67: Don't Rock The Boat
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-realization because I am unconsciously placing/projecting all these pre-conceived ideals and because of this I have allowed myself to compromise/sabotage/abuse myself in complete repetition - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how I am accumulating so much FEAR that I do not understand/investigate realize how the FEAR that I experience on a day to day basis on realization was in actuality connected to FEARING CHANGE - I see and realize that it's completely irrelevant for me to FEAR CHANGE because I am in actuality fearing who I am and inevitably must live within and as this physical reality - thus, I am HERE to in fact HERE myself to change myself, moment by moment, step by step, breath by breath, assisting and supporting myself to understand/realize/investigate how/why I've allowed myself to FEAR myself so much over the years to the extent/degree that I will abuse/compromise/sabotage myself simply because it's all I've ever known.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I MUST live dependent on the FEAR that I experience on a day to day basis, because I fear what will happen if I rock the boat within and as my world and reality - within this I am not considering/taking into consideration/into account how/why I've been allowing myself to see FEAR as an energy charger separate from myself, thus - not seeing/realizing/understanding that I am the Creator that created the FEAR that experience within and as myself on a day to day basis, and so it's irrelevant for me to assume/perceive that without the FEAR that I experience I will be completely lost, because I am here/have always been here, and so the FEAR is here in every moment/breath/chance/opportunity to be corrected by/through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and the actual physical walking the point.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when and as I am taking the FEAR I experience on a day to day basis to realize who I am/must live to be and become, I am giving the FEAR power over me by/through accepting the FEAR to be the real me - not seeing, realizing or understanding that the FEAR is NOT who I am - because all it takes for me to stand up, not accept and allow myself to be and become anything less than who I am, and so I have the power within and as every moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here - because, at the end of the day it is a choice/decision to not correct myself here as the breath as self-expression, standing up and stating "Till here no further," I do not accept or allow myself to limit/enslave myself to this emotional experience called FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am inferior to FEAR and within this would thus think, believe and perceive that my only choice/decision I have is to limit/enslave myself to this emotional experience of FEAR - not seeing, realizing or understanding that I am the one who took the choice/decision to see myself as inferior and thus have allowed myself to see myself as only capable of reacting in FEAR - instead of taking the practical steps to change myself here as breath as self-expression - all because of my perception/definition of what I am apparently capable of only being and becoming as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish and judge who I am in relation to self-realization that I starting participating within and as the backchat "I am too worthless"/"I am not smart enough to commit myself to myself/life"/"I don't have what it takes to assist/support myself to my utmost potential" then I would be more satisfied/accepting of crucifying myself, over and over - because, I've allowed myself to diminish/judge myself purposely/deliberately as a valid/acceptable excuse/justification to not move myself here within and as this physical reality - within this not seeing, realizing or understanding that the worthlessness I experience on a day to day basis is the fear of change character - thus, if I would ever think about changing myself, I would be and become confused by/through all the perfect scapegoats I accumulated through the years to remain in complete petrification of the FEAR I in actuality purposely/deliberately self-created to remain belittling myself for eternity - thus, When and as I see the back chat "I am too less than" - I stop and I take a deep breath - I bring myself back to this physical reality through seeing, realizing and understanding that fearing change does not change the inner experience of FEAR I see within and as changing myself for real - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue participating within backchat such as "I am too less than something" but instead commit myself to stop diminishing/judging myself through seeing myself within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience of FEAR of Change exist within and as me - not seeing, realizing or understanding that I do not have to accept the FEAR of Change as a part/aspect of myself to the point that I must continuously allow it to be and become something I cannot change - I can stop it in one breath and direct myself out of the experience of FEAR of Change since it does only exist within my mind as an energetic experience - in where I am sabotaging/compromising/abusing through FEAR of Change as me. I commit myself to take a deep breath and state "I do not accept to allow my lack of self-worth to direct or control me - instead - I direct myself" and thus bring myself back to this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the simplicity of letting go of the FEAR of Change through taking a stance to not allow the energy within me - but would instead allow myself to go into that energetic experience of being less than, thinking and believing that it is me - when all the while it was just manipulation from and of my mind. I commit myself to, when and as I am experiencing the FEAR of Change - to take one deep breath, allow myself to walk the point out in further self-expansion within and as writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and actual physical walking the talk, letting go of the energy through and with my breathing and bring myself back to stability - here.

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Day 14 - Giving up is all we've done - Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in the give up character to such an extent that it became backchat that I'm too useless - within this I'm creating ideas/beliefs that someone must be something in order to get something done - therefore - I allow myself to think/believe I'm not good enough/not capable of assisting/supporting myself because apparently I must be the idea/projection of what society thinks/believes is good/enough/capable to get something done because I allowed society to become my perfect justification/excuse to not assist/support - within this I knew exactly what I was doing when I was claiming/assuming I am/will always be too useless because I abdicated my self-responsibility deliberately/purposely for myself to remain in pure bliss because now I can sit on my ass and not do anything that will actually be practical for myself to assist/support myself to actually get everything done to the best of my ability - therefore - I now see realize and understand that claiming/assuming I'm not good enough/capable will only end up in me compounding the point further to the point of diminishment point, wherein - I think/believe I am too useless and in actuality I was only fueling/powering the I give up character to not get daily tasks/assignments done because I knew then that would come to the point that my entire life would change because I would no longer be a slave to/towards characters but have to direct myself to be and become something worthy of life - therefore - there is nobody to blame, certainly not society because I am part of society and so I'm part of the whole of this world/reality to bring change to actually get shit done and have no excuses/justifications but not try/attempt to bite off more then I can chew just to proof to myself that I'm not a character - I allow myself to understand that I'm not a character but I'm certainly not a God that can get everything done and that is why humanity is a group and so we walk together to become self-willed equals that do not wait for God to come and save our asses just so we don't have to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the I give up character that I would allow myself to participate and experience the backchat that I'm too useless - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and give value to the I give up character to such an extent that I would diminish myself to think/believe that I'm useless, I mean the point of thinking/believing I'm useless would have to be a pure statement of how much I separated myself from myself because of assuming/claiming that I'm the scum on Earth because I've allowed myself to think/believe I am useless -therefore - become a victim to this world/reality that I'm nothing and cannot do anything because of the belief/idea that some idea/belief is bigger then me outside myself and that's why/how I'm useless - not seeing, realizing and understanding that its everyone in this world/reality that have allowed and accepted the fact that they are useless, I mean if everyone in this world/reality accepted themselves then wouldn't this world be completely different? I allow myself to see, realize and understand that if i continue becoming one and equal to the uselessness and only see myself as this uselessness then I know that I'm completely responsible for this outer-reality and this outer-reality is revealing that which we've denied within ourselves: The Point of self-responsibility, because many of us have claimed/assumed that we already have responsibilities but we don't - not really - because the responsibility that everyone is living right now in this world/reality involves self-interest to always survive and do anything to survive to compete in this world/reality and obviously surviving at this point with out current Money-system is essential but not with the current starting-point were living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I don't have what it takes to get everything done to the best of my ability that I allow myself to become the I give up character - not seeing, realizing and understanding that I already have everything that I need within this moment because there is absolutely no excuse/justification to not get everything done to my utmost potential because as long as I am part of the Elite then I'm completely responsible to bring about a change to this world/reality and frankly the last thing this world needs is another character to fuel/power the matrix to not change this world/reality because of a mere character - I now see, realize and understand that I will always have what it takes as long as I have the essentials to support myself in this world/reality - therefore - I have to walk this process because the clock is ticking and characters of the mind aren't putting food in children's bellies and the characters of the mind certainly aren't providing any assistance/support to those in poverty and so there is no choice not to walk this process to walk out of mind into the physical at the point because this world/reality is no picnic and its certainly not what it makes it out to be, thus, Time to walk the talk - I do not accept or allow myself to make excuses/justifications for myself to give up myself because the most I accept this point I am giving up on life and so when I'm assuming/claiming that me giving up on myself will not hurt anybody this is just proof on how we as human beings have given up on life in every seemingly way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect/attach another dimension to the I give up character by/through participating and experiencing the backchat that I might as well wallow in depression because I don't deserve to support myself -therefore - I allow myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as deserving something but DIS-SERVING Life in every possible way to not stand up to actually understand that there are no victims because everyone here is self-responsible and giving up on ourselves will only allow the atrocity to continue endlessly - within this point I have to stop because this entire starting-point of humanity thinking/believing were al victims to the system is bullshit and will always be bullshit because we as humanity are actually relieved to the world-system doing all the work to enslave humanity for us to sit on our asses and complain/whine that all we are is victims and we cannot do anything - therefore - its this mind-set that has allowed us to never change this world/reality and stop the reLIEf to never take self-responsibility to always in-fact never bring about anything worthy of living because of always living the point of giving up - instead of not seeing, realizing and understanding that we as humanity have given up a long time ago and keep giving up and even the faces of children on the television starving to death or the death of a loved one from a drug-addiction still don't allow us to change this world/reality by/through changing ourselves and so all what we do is continue what we do best: Give up. Time to face the music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I am too stupid to get anything done to the best of my ability - within this I allow myself to think/believe that one must be the polarized opposite in order to get anything done and so I'm not taking into consideration that intelligence is what has slaved us for generations and what has actually made us stupid to give up on ourselves by/through always chasing/finding/attaining some sort solution that always involved some sort of formula that was always outside of self and never actually considered living knowledge/information for what is best for all - to in-fact understand that investigating this world/reality is the only way were going to bring any change to stop everyone to become just another philosopher that will soon be forgotten - I now see, realize and understand that the assumption/belief/idea that one must store enough information and recite it precisely and maybe only then I'm good enough/capable to get anything done to the best of my ability - therefore - I allow myself to stop the polarity of chasing/finding/attaining society's view of intelligence to in-fact bring about any change and so I allow myself to understand that knowledge/information has never/will never save humanity but only compound/perpetuate this world/reality to always remain enslaved to knowledge/information that we never even understood in the first place. How can someone understand knowledge/information when they aren't living it?

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that its knowledge/information that has become the key ingredient to the I give up character because that is all what people do in their lives in our current world-system: chase/find/attain some knowledge/information because we gave up on ourselves and we knew and so we've chased/found/attained some point of knowledge/information to hide/suppress the point of not taking self-responsibility and so chasing/finding/attaining this knowledge/information would somehow make up for/cover up what which we always knew within ourselves that we've always given up on Life in every way possible - therefore - I now see, realize and understanding that this game of morality to chase/find/attain some piece of knowledge/information was always a cover up to make up for what we've done to ourselves and to Life - therefore - every decision has a triple affect - someone decides to live their entire life chasing/finding/attaining knowledge/information the world does the same - someone decides to live by/through a principle of is best for all - Who knows what will happen? I allow myself to live the decision of walking our of the mind into the physical because I know within myself that this process is the only thing to do because this world/reality has only become another place to become another philosopher chasing/finding/attaining some gold platter to justify and excuse our self-interest to not stand up for life.

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