Day 52: I'm Wasting My Life Away

This is a continuation to Day 51: THE USEFULNESS OF USELESSNESS
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe and perceive that I am actually already living/have always been living because of looking at my entire belief/idea/perception/assumption all what Life has been/always been to never take into consideration who I am/have become in each moment - to finally slowly but surely understanding that my Life has not been lived in any shape/form - no self-judgment needed - to finally slowly but surely take my self-responsibility that LIFE has only been about reaching for something/someone at all times to never consider/take into consideration who I am/have become in these moments that I abdicate my self-responsibility to actually live in the first place - I allowed myself to experience and participate in Life from there perspective that I must continuously live up to something/find something to apparently allow me to think/believe and perceive that I am already living/have always been living - I now see, realize and understand that if/when I experience and participate in Life as though I must continuously live up to something/find something to apparently self-create the idea/belief/perception/assumption that I am actually already living/have always been living - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - When and as I see myself continuously trying/attaining/attempting to reach for something to self-create the idea/belief/assumption/perception that I am already living/have always been living, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I've been already living/have always been living a Life that has been/has always been a Life, I mean, obviously I am here living in this moment - but I am not Alive - because I've allowed myself to participate/limit/enslave myself to/towards what it actually means to be alive to the point that I didn't understand that being/becoming Alive is to live each moment to the utmost potential I can in each breath - in this I do not need/require to live up to something/find something to self-create the idea/belief/assumption/perception that I am actually Alive - because Life is not a doing in anyway, whatsoever - Life is to realize what it means to be living to actually be/become Alive in each moment to not remain enslaved/limited for eternity based on this one point of being Alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in Life to such an extent that I have assumed/perceived that Life is about continuously experiencing/participating something because I never had taken the time to realize for myself that Life is to actually be here in each moment - within this I allowed myself to participate/limit/enslave/experience myself to merely a idea/belief/assumption/perception about trying/attaining/attempting to live up to something/find something when in-fact I was separating myself from the solution the entire time because I never looked within and as myself to see how I've separated myself from Life and what I've done to never allow myself to understand how I've separated myself from myself because I am also part of this Life that I constantly reach for/try/attain/attempt to find Life - instead of realizing that Life has been/has always been here - therefore - there can never be any/will never be able to to be any reach/purpose to experience and participate in Life to such an extent that Life becomes something to do and so I allow myself to see, realize and understand that I can slowly but surely take my power back to myself to realize that living can only be actually lived if/when I take the stance within and as myself to be/become Alive in each moment - breath by breath - step by step - moment by moment - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I am deliberately/purposely living my life based on ideas/beliefs/assumptions/perceptions about trying/attaining/attempting to live up yo something/find something because I wasn't here in the moment breathing to understand that if I live my Life soul-searching for what it means to actually Live - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that Life can never/will never be able to be be lived if I am not actually Alive to/towards this Universe to never understand the Desteni of Life - within this I projected outwards to/towards this physical reality always trying/attaining/attempting to live up to something/find something that never actually existed in the first place - because everything has been here/always been here - Time to actually live for Real!!!!!!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place Life as this perfect justification/excuse to always excuse/justify myself to take my self-responsibility for always trying/attempting/attaining to live up to something/find something because I knew within and as myself that I was covering up/suppressing who I am/have become to never in-fact understand that I was always in FEAR to never face myself in any shape/form and LIFE has been/has always been this idea/belief/assumption/perception to always live up to something/find something to never understand I was trying/attaining/attempting to live up to find something that has absolutely nothing to do with Life - because I was only deliberately/purposely waiting/wasting/postponing my own freaking Life to actually be/become Alive to cover up/suppress how I am actually experiencing and participating in Life to hide/suppress/cover up who I am/have become to never take my power back to myself to allow Life to be and become Equal in Equality & Oneness as Life.

To Be Continued...

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Day 36: What Does It Mean To Be Alive?

This is a continuation to Day 35: What Have I Done To Myself...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think because I always assumed/perceived that there was something to search for/find out - within this I would participate in thoughts and see it as myself rationalizing everything out because (apparently) I cannot understand something in one moment by/through just being here breathing because obviously when I'm actually here within and as the physical I'm able/capable of understanding/comprehending everything very clearly, and so when I'm in my mind trying/attaining/attempting to search for/find out something I'm actually have multiple dimensional shifts because it takes multiple tries for me to understand/comprehend the information to the extent that when it is understood it is on a regurgitated level because I'm merely shoving the information within and as my mind to not in actuality see if the information is even supporting what is Best for All - therefore - when/as I'm perceiving/assuming that thinking assist/supports me to understand/comprehend a piece of knowledge/information I'm in actuality not even debunking the information that I'm regurgitating to remember to in essence understand how/why something can be realized in common-sense - to in-fact see, realize and understand that there is pieces of information that are immoral to Life, wherein - others just need to be actually lived within and as practical-application because shoving tons of information/knowledge within and as my mind in the end allows me to be some zombie because in the end I'm shoving shit that I'm not even self-aware of that is now in my unconscious-mind because I did not take the time to de-construct what I'm actually learning in the moment - therefore - when/as I'm (apparently) learning something I'm actually being and becoming very stupid because I wasn't even considering/taking into consideration what I'm actually learning in the first place, and so I wasn't even learning in the first place for all what I was doing in the first place was abdicating my self-responsibility to educate myself about this world/reality into and as knowledge/information to understand what is best for all life -  in this I will be able to educate myself about knowledge/information to effectively understand when something isn't pro-life or destructive, and so in the moment when/as I'm reacting to some piece of knowledge/information, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that a piece of information doesn't have to be something bad/good because I understand that polarity leads to ignorance, and so I allow myself to understand that what doesn't work for an Equal Money System for all to have a dignified life doesn't mean anything bad/good but another point that needs to be taken into consideration so we don't continue making the same mistakes - I commit myself to be humble when/as I see a piece of information that doesn't support all Life because it allows me to educate myself to debunk information/knowledge within and as common-sense to learn what is best for all Life because all throughout my Life I have learned to not ask questions and remain shoving pieces of information that I don't even take the time to understand in the first place, and so this is a cool opportunity for myself to not simply react and take no more bullshit because I allow myself to NOT remain another zombie that in the end is only trying/attaining/attempting to survive in this world/reality from the starting-point that never had considered/taken into consideration what we must educate ourselves about.

When and as I see myself shoving pieces of information into and as my mind without understanding what it is I'm actually learning in the first place, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that if we continuously remain not asking questions in this world/reality, then we remain complete idiots to what is happening in this physical reality, and so I allow myself to understand that its the starting-point of placing/projecting complete trust in this world-system that screws us over because we have taught ourselves to suppress/hide the fear that we experience and participate in about this world/reality - in this we have always been aware of the abuse because we even do it to ourselves and so we remove ourselves from this physical reality by/through placing/projecting ourselves into these boxes for ourselves to remain in LaLa Land because were too busy (apparently) THINKING - therefore - I commit myself to stand up within and as myself to take a moment to be/become self-aware of my breathing because I allow myself to not sit back within and as myself but to stand up because I do not accept or allow myself to enslave/limit myself to this physical reality because I have enslaved/limited myself to ever in-fact live - in this I would purposely/deliberately remain participating and experiencing myself as the thoughts I have to remain thinking/believing that this is all I am or will ever be - I commit myself to remain stable because I allow myself to actually think by/through not thinking because thinking is what allowed me to get into all this mess because all it takes is one thought to forevermore remain just another slave, and so I take this one breath because one breath can allow me to become self-aware of who I am/could be because I take the stance within and as myself that I CAN change myself to in-fact Re-Birth myself here in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that thoughts are Life because I have bought into the idea/belief/perception/assumption that thoughts create Life - in this I have not considered/taken into consideration that thoughts have actually allowed me to create a Life that is a Lie because my entire LIfE has been a bucket full of lies, and so I have justified/excused myself to ever in-fact not take self-responsibility for the Lie I have been living - therefore - I would self-create the idea/belief/perception/assumption that Life can actually be lived when/as all what I'm doing is fueling/powering a Lie, and so I actually assume/perceive that Life can be lived when there are billions of people in this world/reality barely even living - within this my Lie has been conditioned to mere justifications/excuses to in-fact create Life on Earth to in-fact understand that as long as I'm deliberately/purposely suppressing/hiding from the fact that THINKING has allowed me to be/become a mere machine consumed by/through FEAR because its not a LifE I've been living - ONLY some fucked up version of LifE that only involved in complete petrification of my own FEAR, I mean, I don't know anything about life and what it means to be alive here in this moment - I don't understand what an actual opportunity it is to be here in this physical reality, and so my LifE has been filled with Lies to remain a Liar because I chose/made the decision to live in complete petrification of my own FEAR to not in-fact understand that I have the choice/decision to actually create Life on Earth by/through cooperating/working together as a group to actually LIVE for the first time ever - in this I now take my power back to understand that if I'm not doing this for myself then I MUST walk this process of Equality & Oneness for those that are actually suffering in this world because if that's not a motivational point to in-fact actually know that everything is just some fucked up Lie to never Live in the first place then I'm just abdicating my responsibility to what I knew I could've done in this Life if I actually chose/made the decision to in-fact Live for Life - to actually create Life.

When and as I see myself continuously lying to myself to create the Life that was nothing more and nothing less then a Lie, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that my LIfE has been for nothing because I didn't in anyway create anything worthwhile for ALL that will actually support Life, and so I'm already dead because how can I even exist when/as I'm only continuing maintaining my self-interest that the LIE I have lived was actually Life in the first place? I commit myself to STOP lying to myself because being some self-interested asshole is not what I want to be and living a Life that never really existed in the first place is unacceptable - therefore - I allow myself to be alive for the first time because continuing my Life thinking not considering anyone or even myself for that matter is completely pointless and in the end it was suiting nothing but to continue this abuse in this physical reality to remain in complete petrification of my own FEAR - Is this really all what I am capable of being?

To Be Continued...

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