Day 50: I May Be Living Someone Else's Life

This is a continuation to Day 49: Who Needs A Reminder to Actually Live?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I need/require someone/something to
tell me how to live my life - because I've forgotten what it actually means to be here in this life to walk this life to the best of my ability - instead I've allowed myself to live my life based on what other people think, believe and perceive I should be in my life/process - I've allowed myself to live my life as a puppet that will mold/shape the characterization because someone/something wants/desires something else from me - within this I abdicate my self-responsibility to actually trust myself in the moment to debunk within and as common-sense if I am compromising myself - therefore - I am in actuality taking my power away from myself because I am determining who I am/could be because of someone's idea/belief/assumption/perception of what I apparently should do with my life, I am then screwing with myself because I made the choice/decision to not realize for myself what it means to actually be here in this Life to even have the freaking choice/decision to live my apparent life or someone else's idea/belief/assumption/perception of what life should/shouldn't be - in this I now understand that it's not about living MY life or someone else's idea/belief/assumption/perception of what life should/shouldn't be - because the key point was ALWAYS living a Life that is taking everyone into consideration - to in-fact realize for myself that my entire life I've lived everything within and as some limited/enslaved box to actually call that Life, and so I've never had considered/taken into consideration those that don't even have the choice/decision to even have a choice/decision in the first place - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I MUST live my Life based on what is Best for All to the point that if/when someone/something wants/needs/desires me to live my Life a particular way I remain here within and as breath like a rock to take the stance within and as myself, "Till here no further," to in-fact walk this process to the best of my ability - because it's not only about WHERE I am in my life - it's also about WHO I AM in this Life - I do NOT accept or allow myself to make excuses/justifications to continuously live my idea/belief/assumption/perception of what other people think, believe and perceive Life should/shouldn't be and that includes myself - because I allow myself to take my power back to myself to live a Life that is taking into consideration everyone in this world/reality, and so I in-fact STOP myself to realize that if I am NOT living a Life that is taking into consideration everyone, I am then no longer living in the first place in anyway, whatsoever - Time to actually live for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need/require someone/something to tell where I am in my life - because I've become so clueless to what I've been doing within and as my life that I never had taken the time to investigate in common-sense who I am/could be in life in this moment - within this I life my life in complete ignorance because I think, believe and perceive that I know absolutely nothing about my life so I might as well ask someone else or wait/waste/postpone my life/process until some situation pops up for me to never take the stance within and as myself, "Until here no further," and so I don't make the choice/decision to trust myself in the moment - because I've allowed myself to take my power away to someone/something that is apparently superior/more than myself to ever investigate how/why I've separated myself from life to the extent that I don't realize for myself how much I've been clueless to what I've been doing with my life from the get go - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I've been clueless my entire life because I've never stopped to actually investigate what I am actually doing with my life to actually understand how I've been living my life in an complete inferiority/less than persona to always purposely/deliberately remain clueless to WHO I AM within and as this Life - because in self-honesty it was never what I've been with this Life but who I am/could be to actually trust myself in every moment to be here - I realize now that it takes trust to actually be/become the self-directive principle of my Life to actually be/become Life - in this I can see clearly that trust involves myself taking my power back to myself to actually be here within and as breath as self-expression, and so I've spent my entire Life inferior/less than myself/life.

Therefore, When and as I see myself living my Life in complete inferiority to wait/waste/postpone my life/process until some situation pops up for me to actually have the balls to move myself, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I am then living my life based on outside sources because I've never actually trust myself to investigate within and as self-honesty who I am/could be in this life - to in-fact commit myself to take my power back to myself - therefore - taking the stance within and as myself, "Until here no further," because I allow myself to understand that living my life based on what other people think, believe and perceive is completely crazy for I am the one that has to live within and as the daily choices/decisions I make - to actually make the choice/decision that isn't what is best for someone's self-interest or myself - because I allow myself to actually trust myself in every moment to be here as breath as self-expression - I commit myself to take my power back to myself - step by step - breath by breath - moment by moment - to in-fact stop the madness of living someone else's idea/belief/perception/assumption of what I am suppose to do in this Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life based on outside sources because I've never willed myself to trust myself; absolutely and specifically; to/towards what is Best for All Life - instead I have allowed myself to want/desire someone/something outside myself to tell me where I am within and as my life, because I haven't trusted myself to be/become my own cross-referencing point to understand that there will not always be someone/something there for me to rely on because at the end of the day I am alone, yet I am here as All as One as Equal - but I haven't realized for myself that I can see where I am in my life/process in a moment within and as self-honesty in any moment - within this when/as someone/something came along to tell me where I am I would strive for/find/search for situations/people that will give me insight because I've never actually trusted myself in the moment to debunk within and as common-sense what I am doing in a moment that isn't what is Best for All Life - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that if/when I am in the moment not trusting myself to investigate within and as self-honesty, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I realize that I MUST be/become my own stable foundation of trust - because if I actually understand who I have been/what I have become throughout my Life, then I would actually trust myself because at the end of the day I've allowed myself to NOT trust myself from the starting-point that all I need/require is some/something to tell me where I am within and as my process/life, and so I've allowed me trust to be/become a mere automated systematic program that never had taken the time to realize that cross-referencing can be investigated within and as self-honesty - No Tricks Needed.

Therefore, When and as I see myself living my LI (f) e based on outsides sources because I won't will myself to trust myself in the moment to simply make a choice/decision based on common-sense - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that be/becoming my own cross-reference point is crucial because nobody can no more about how I've created my mind-shit more than myself, and so if I am not trusting myself to the extent that I think/believe and perceive that I need/require someone/something to tell me where I am throughout my life - then I've obviously separated myself from my mind and trust to NOT realize for myself that the moment I rely on someone/something outside myself to tell me where I am in my life - I am then separating myself from my self-direction to investigate for myself how/why I've self-sabotaged myself to live my life based on what someone/something tells me - therefore - I commit myself to trust myself for the first time and realize that I CAN trust myself in the moment within and as self-honesty just like anyone else, and so there is absolutely no excuse/justification to rely on someone/something to be/become my scapegoat to never trust myself in the moment.




To Be Continued...

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