I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suddenly/out of nowhere be/become self-conscious about who I am/what character I am presenting in the moment, because I am self-judging myself within and as the starting-point of thinking about all the possible scenarios about what someone is assuming/perceiving about myself - within this I mold/shape who I am/what character I am presenting in the moment to be/become accepted (apparently) to somehow have some sort of self-worth to merely exist within and as this physical reality based on the validation I will get from my outer-reality, in this I compromise/self-sabotage myself to merely express who I am/could be in a moment because I've allowed myself to believe/deceive myself that I am absolutely nothing if I don't mold/shape who I am/have become to someone's apparent perceptions/assumptions of what someone should/shouldn't apparently be in the moment, I now see, realize and understand that it was in no way sudden/out of nowhere for me to be/become self-conscious about who I am/what character I am presenting in the moment, because every moment that I am not breathing within and as self-awareness is another moment that I am self-conscious about the picture-presentations I am mind-projecting to/towards the people in my world/reality, I realize that if I allow myself to be/become self-conscious to the extent that I am always self-aware of who I am/what characters I am presenting in the moment, then I most certainly can be self-conscious, from the perspective of actually assisting/supporting myself to remain here in every moment of every breath - because there is absolutely no excuse if I am doing everything in my delusional power to remain self-aware of molding/shaping certain characters to my outer-reality and then tell myself that I am no way capable of being self-aware of what I am actually participating and experiencing myself as, therefore, I do NOT accept or allow myself to purposely/deliberately limit/enslave myself by/through making delusional excuses/justifications, because if I can be/become self-aware of myself to the extent that I mold/shape myself in every moment to survive within and as this physical reality, then I can most certainly be/become self-aware of who I am/have become in each moment.
When and as I see myself being/becoming suddenly/out of nowhere self-conscious of who I am/what character I am presenting in the moment based on my idea/belief/perception/assumption of who I should/shouldn't be in the moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here/has always been here - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I am always self-conscious/have always been self-conscious - from the perspective that I am constantly molding/shaping who I am/what character I shouldn't shouldn't present in the moment/chance/opportunity/breath that I miss, only I am just now understanding how much I be/become self-conscious in the moment when/as a trigger point such as people in my outer-reality pops up for myself to reinvent who I am/have become in the moment, wherein I am always self-conscious about who I am/have become and so there is absolutely no excuse/justification for myself to continuously feed/power/fuel illusional characters to merely not accept who I am/could be in the moment/breath/opportunity/chance that is here/has always been here for myself to in-fact take my power back to myself to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when/as I am in the moment suddenly/out of nowhere be/becoming self-conscious about who I am/which characters I should/shouldn't present in the moment - I am in-fact only trying/attaining/attempting to search/find/seek for self-worth, because I don't value myself in each moment for I have only been doing everything in my delusional power to remain in character - thus I've been too busy molding/shaping myself my entire life that I actually lost my own self-worth because I am compromising/self-sabotaging myself to the extent that I don't ever consider/take into consideration who I am/have become in the moment, as I see and realize that there can never/will never be able self-worth if I continuously diminishing and judging myself to the extent that I've lost entirely my worth to actually in-fact live for myself, I now see, realize and understand that if/when I see myself be/becoming suddenly/out of nowhere self-conscious of myself is because I am simply not valuing myself to simply express myself in the moment, wherein if/when I am suddenly/out of nowhere be/becoming self-conscious about myself, I am in-fact judging myself in the process to not value myself in the moment to actually express myself unconditionally here as self-expression, I do NOT accept or allow myself to continuously judge and diminish my life away because if/when I am suddenly/out of nowhere being/becoming self-conscious - I stop and I breathe - I realize that being/becoming self-conscious doesn't in anyway suddenly/out of nowhere appear within and as myself, because I must allow myself to realize that if/when the self-conscious point is coming up, I am in no way trusting myself to simply be here in the moment to actually breathe here as self-expression - because wasting/waiting/postponing my life/process is completely pointless/meaningless if I am not giving myself the worth to actually be Alive.
I commit myself to in-fact live here as self-expression to no longer self-judge and diminish who I am/have become in the moment to actually stop and breathe to realize that if/when I am suddenly/out of nowhere being/becoming self-conscious - I stop and take a deep breath - I now see, realize and understand that if/when I continuously not value myself in each moment, I am in-fact not living in any shape/form, because to actually trust myself doesn't in anyway imply I must be so afraid of myself to the extent that I must live in fear in each moment/breath/chance/opportunity that is here - I in-fact stop myself to actually trust myself for the first time, ever.
To Be Continued...
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